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     Volume 5 Issue 105 | July 28, 2006 |

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Cyber Humour

You know you are an Internet Junkie when...
* When asked your address, your answer begins with http://
* Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends email.
* You chat with your fingers, not your mouth.
* You use Netscape 4.72, and you check every week whether version 4.73 was released.
* You know the difference between Java and Javascript.
* Most of your friends have an @ in their names.
* In order to watch CNN you move to www.cnn.com
* On your business card the e-mail appears before the phone number.
* You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
* You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
* You can perfectly imitate the sound pattern of your modem connecting to your ISP.
* You can think of 19 keystroke symbols that are far more clever than :-).
* You are told about a new programme, and you are disappointed to find that it is a TV programme.
* Not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one.
* You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

Top 10 Signs that You've Overdosed on The World Wide Web
* Your opening line is: "So, what's your homepage address?"
* You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see "Enhanced for Netscape 4.0" on one of the clouds.
* You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Webpage with no links.
* You felt driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.
* Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
* You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the "Back" button.
* You visit "The Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything" again and again and again.
* Your dog has his own webpage.
* So does your hamster.
* When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.

Ten ways to realise your Internet connection is a little slow
* Text on Web pages display as Morse Code and...
* Graphics arrive via FedEx.
* You believe a heavier string might improve your throughput
* You post a message to your favourite Newsgroup and it displays a week later.
* Your credit card expires while ordering online.
* Playboy web site exhibits "Playmate of the year"...for 1989.
* You're still in the middle of downloading that popular new game, "Ping Pong".
* Everyone you talk to on the 'net phone' sounds like Forrest Gump.
* You receive emails with stamps on them.
* You click the "Send" button, a little door opens on the side of your monitor and a pigeon flies out.



Source: workjoke.com


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