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     Volume 5 Issue 118 | November 3, 2006 |

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I'm an 18-year-old and my problem is to do with my friend who is of the same age. Six months ago, he met a girl on the net who lives in Chittagong. They became very good friends and after the girl proposed to him three months later, they started going out. But recently my friend has started to feel that he is not suitable for the girl. The girl is a very good student and belongs to a wealthy family. My friend is also a good student but he feels the girl deserves someone better than him, and that she should find the right guy with the same status as herself. The girl is crazy about him and my friend also loves her more than anything but is hiding his feelings from her and avoiding her. He has started smoking and etching her name on his body with blades. He doesn't want to understand that love is not a matter of status but emotions. As his friend, I can't see him in this miserable, self-destructive condition. Please suggest what I can do to help him.

Dear Worried,

First, he is doing something dangerous and if he does not stop then this must be reported to his parents before he harms himself seriously. Your friend is being childish and immature.
They have to make sure that they are suitable for each other. It seems that the girl feels confident but the boy is not so sure. In this case they must continue to talk to each other instead of doing silly things. The girl should try to convince him that he is indeed the right person for her and his status is of no importance to her. However, by his immature behaviour it seems that he is not ready for a serious relationship.

Dear Mita,
I'm a 26-year-old woman who works for a private organisation. My problem is with one of my colleagues. Though we haven't argued outright, I just feel very tense around him. He has a bit of an attitude problem and I try to stay out of his way, but obviously can't always do so as we work in the same office. I try to interact with him as little as possible, but even then, sometimes there are problems. I just can't seem to say or do anything without offending his ego and he's always ticking me off. How can I solve this problem?
At Work

Dear At Work,
First, let me tell you that your problem is not unique to you or to your office. We have all faced this problem in the office at one time or the other. The important thing is to deal with it in a way so that this does not turn disruptive to you personally or professionally. Perhaps talking frankly with this person might help. Talk openly about what annoys you both and how you both can come to a civil working relationship. Often it is more a misunderstanding than anything else. You should also review if there are other issues such as jealousy, professional rivalry, etc. Whatever it might be, two young, bright modern people should be able to solve it.

Dear Mita,
I recently turned 24. After completing my Bachelors degree here in the USA I am currently working in a pretty decent company. So far everything has been really good in my life -- I have tons of friends, got good grades throughout my student life; I am very good in almost every sport and my current job is also pretty good. In my sophomore year I started going out with a local American girl from my college. When I disclosed this to my parents they were very much against me marrying a foreigner and I had to let go of my girlfriend, explaining to her my situation. Last winter when I came to Dhaka I met a girl and really started liking her. We went out quite a few times for coffee before I left Dhaka and were still in touch on a regular basis. I tend to joke a lot and one of my jokes probably hurt the girl and since then she rarely replies to my emails and has no time to talk to me on the phone. I know it's my fault and I have admitted it to her quite a few times but I guess it didn't help. After this incident we might not have any future, but I hate losing friends. What should I do now?

Dear R,
It seems that the girlfriend you left for your parents was not serious. Regarding the Dhaka girl, you must have said something really offensive that even after showing interest she is now backing out. Any relationship needs to solidify before one starts making jokes, etc. On the other hand, the girl should give some explanation as to why she has stopped corresponding. Anyway, do not get too concerned about such matters. You are only 24 and will make many friends in future.

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