A man with a glass eye is here to see you
Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.
Doctor: What does he call his other eye?
Will I live any longer?
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
The results of the X-ray
Patient: Doctor, what does the X-ray of my head show?
Doctor: Absolutely nothing!
We need to help these people
A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident.
Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's not important now!
Get me an ambulance now
A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help.
Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance!
Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!
Can I play the piano once these are off?
A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.
"Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"
"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.
"That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before."
Bad temper problem
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!
An invisible man is here to see you
Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.
Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.
Driving exams worry me
Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests!
Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually.
Liz: I'm the examiner!
My son swallowed the can opener
Mrs. Smith: Help me, doctor! My son, John, swallowed the can opener!
Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright.
Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!
I want to lose some weight
A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.
John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?
Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.
Would you please do me a favour?
A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?
Patient: Why? Docor, it wasn't all that bad this time.
Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the four o'clock ball game.
I think I need a pair of glasses
Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank.
My wife is beating me
David: My wife beats me, doctor.
Doctor: Oh dear. How often?
David: Every time we play Scrabble!
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