Write to Mita
I am a very nice person, very friendly and accommodating. But people tend to take advantage of me and I realise it when their job is done. I always understand this very late, misjudge people and do not pay any heed to those who warn me. How can I be more self-confident and handle my affairs in a correct and prudent way?
Often people have a problem saying "no" even though it should be said once in a while. However, this is a much better trait than being selfish and self-centered. Those people who take advantage of you will be losers in the long run because when they will look for a true friend they will not find anyone. As for you, this problem may be avoided by taking a little more time to take decisions. Don't commit yourself so easily, think about it and weigh all the pros and cons before saying yes. I am sure you have no problem of self-confidence, you are just a nice person and should not change just because of the selfishness of your friends.
I am a reserved person by nature. I cannot just go up to people and talk to them. But once I get to know them and vice versa, I am more at ease and sometimes become very friendly and open with them. This brings about two kinds of problems. One, a lot of people think I am a snob as I am not very friendly with them initially or don't take the first step to get to know them. On the other hand, when I become too friendly with someone, that also causes problems. If it is a person of the opposite sex, people get the wrong idea, and if it is someone of the same sex, they begin to wonder why I spend so much time with one person. Is there anything wrong in this? What can I do to be more balanced?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you but there is something with people who are making a fuss about it. It is normal for most people to be reserved at first and then to open up gradually. This is the most natural way to start a friendship or relationship. You might try to get to know more people and have a variety of friends rather than a few. Make your own calculations about how much time you want to spend with each person. If you are conscious then you will automatically move away after a while.
I am a 36-year-old man. I am under a lot of pressure from my family to get married. But I don't feel I can just settle down with anyone. I need to love the person I am going to spend my life with and I need to have a lot of things, along with my basic values, in common with her. I don't know if a few meetings before an arranged marriage will allow me to know a person, and, for some reason, I have not yet been able to find anyone I am really sure about spending the rest of my life with. I realise it's time I settle down, but I am not sure how to go about it. What do you suggest?
This is a tough one and I understand your dilemma. However, one has to take some risks in these situations. If you have not yet met the girl of you dreams then I guess you will have to settle for an arranged marriage. Though it is true that it is not always possible to get to know a person in a few meetings, one can get the sense of basic values. Moreover, nowadays it is possible to get to know your partner in arranged marriages. Try to talk on the phone and be direct about your likes and dislikes. I know of many arranged marriages that are working out brilliantly. Once you have an agreement on basic values, a lot of your future happiness will depend upon how much you are willing to give and adjust with your partner.
From now on, Write to Mita will be published every other week on specific themes. For our next issue, readers are invited to send in queries regarding problems in the workplace.
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