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     Volume 7 Issue 44 | November 7, 2008 |

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Taking law seriously


Law has been defined as 'a rule of conduct or procedure recognised by a community as binding or enforceable by authority'. It works for some, and not so well for others. There are always some twists to some laws, and judgements. Some unscrupulous chaps will always try to find a loophole in a legal statement, and completely miss the essence of the principle, obviously to save one's criminal life.

Here are but a few examples of laws going round the net, some old and some new, with the bits from Yours Truly in italics.

Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. That is true for every official file missing for want of a fiscal incentive.

Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. It will also coincide with someone knocking on the door and your cell-phone going crazy.

Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Only if Yaba dealers would have accepted that in earnest!

Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. The reverse is true if you are calling the debtor.

Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. If a guy tells that to his wife, perchance she may suspect you are referring to her midriff and 'woh'. Despite the risks involved, it's the next morning that may be alluring.

Law of Variation - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). That works for your colleagues every time you switch jobs.

Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. That is, if you have a telephone. If you don't, it could be your head ringing from hunger.

Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Some politicians have fallen into this situation and photojournalists have seldom missed the opportunity to photograph the connivers.

Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. Unless of course, it is the water and electricity supplies you are talking about; or more recently, the dish antenna.

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Ah! That's how Bush feels about Osama.

Law of the Theatre - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. In a masjid they trample over those who arrived early, a practice not prescribed in Islam, although their places are not furthest but nearest to the entrance.

Law of the Starbucks - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Sweet revenge is asking the boss a complex question soon after delivering his cuppa.

Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. It can get lonely in a jail.

Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. That is so true for any bureaucrat/businessperson/former army personnel given a party ticket day before the parliamentary elections. If elected he too falls flat, face down, in politics.

Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. Listen carefully to some of the TV talk shows to get a logical view of that.

Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly. That's another way of saying fitting clothes never lie.

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. You would not complain if the product was human.

Law of Medical Science - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, and by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick. That is proof enough that medicine is a philosophy and not a science, and sure enough justification for umpteen clinics mushrooming with frog doctors.

Law of Chintito Catch a few big fish (rui, katla) and the rest will stay away. Try to catch all of them and your basket is sure to give in.

Good morning to all of you. It is the day after the (partial) lifting of emergency.


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