Write to Mita
First of all let me thank you for coming back to solve our problems. I was very sad when I found out that Mita had stopped as it was one of the most interesting things about the magazine. So welcome back!
Now for my problem. I have been in a serious relationship for the last two years with a woman who is eight years my junior. We are very compatible and I am quite crazy about her. We have been talking about getting married after she finishes her Masters degree. But lately she has been acting a bit aloof. We still go out to restaurants or for drives but she just doesn't seem as passionate about me as before. She has even started talking about first getting a job and then getting married which would delay the marriage even further. I am at a loss. How should I approach this problem?
Thank you for the welcome note. First you need to find out what is bothering her. Sometimes when a relationship goes on for a long time a kind of boredom sets in. We often do not realise it, but relationships need to be kept interesting with new insights, events and ideas. The best option is to confront and talk about it. Perhaps she is becoming serious about her career, which is not a bad thing at all. However, you must find out what her priorities are and how much importance she wants to give to the relationship. Please sort it our before you get married.
I am a student of DU and stay in a hall. I come from a rural town. When I was in my hometown I was involved with a girl and it was understood that we would get married. We use to regularly talk on the phone when I came here and I always get to see her when I go home (our families are quite close). But now I am facing a terrible crisis. I have become attracted to one of my classmates. She is really pretty and also quite friendly. I am not sure whether she would like me in the same way but I do know that I am in love with her. I really feel guilty about this as I am technically with the other girl. Should I tell my old girlfriend and reveal my feelings to my classmate or should I just give up and marry the one I had promised myself to?
You need to be frank about your feelings to yourself and then to your original girlfriend. There are two issues here. One is that you are no longer interested in the previous relationship and the other is you like someone else but do not know if she likes you. Take it one at a time. First, think about all the reasons you like your classmate. Is it only because she is pretty smart etc. but will you be happy with her, is she compatible to your life style or values. Then think about all the reasons for your attachment with your first girl friend. Think rationally who is more likely to make you happy, don't get forced into something you do not want or will regret later.
I have been friends with a former colleague of mine for many years and I have tried to keep the relationship clean and platonic. But over the years I have found him to make inappropriate remarks and always insists that we meet up alone for lunch. I feel uncomfortable as I am married (so is he) and somehow he doesn't behave just like a friend. I have kind of distanced myself from him as I just don't know how to handle it. I haven't spoken to him for months and I feel really bad about it because he is a really sweet and kind person and has been a very good friend (except the unwanted attention). Should I call him and try to resume our friendship or is it better this way?
Dear Confused Friend,
To be honest, it is better this way. Both of you are married to different people and you do not want added complications. It is a pity that you are no longer friends, but he should know better than to behave in this way. His behaviour indicates that he wants more than a mere colleagial friendship. These relationships ultimately lead to nothing good, on the other hand ends in bitterness, unhappiness and unpleasantness. I would stay away from this if I were you. You might call him but make it very clear about the boundaries.
(R) thedailystar.net 2009