Write to Mita
I am a 35 year old married woman and have two young children. My husband works in a bank and we are fairly happy. I work at a private firm. For the last few months I have been receiving harassing texts on my mobile from an unknown number. At first I did not pay much attention to the obscene texts as this seems to be a current trend these days and lots of perverts get hold of people's numbers and send nasty texts. But lately I am feeling very disturbed as the texts have become threatening and the person is saying that he knows where I live. I haven't told my husband about the latest developments, as I don't want to unnecessarily worry him. But what should I do?
The first thing you should do is tell your husband. He is the person closest to you and your greatest well wisher. It is necessary you confide in him and discuss the problem. I don't think there is anything to worry about but one never knows. You could try changing your sim card for a while, this person might get tired and stop. Often these things are temporary harassment and stops after a while. However, if this persists, then you might think of filing a GD with the nearest police station.
I found out lately that a friend of mine has been saying nasty things about me to mutual friends. I don't know why she is saying these things as we have not had a fight or anything. We used to be very close but then I realised that we were very different, our politics, values etc were poles apart. so I sort of distanced myself although I was always very courteous towards her. Now I hear she is badmouthing me. I feel like confronting her but I don't know if that will make her even more vindictive. Should I talk to her?
People who bad mouth others never win in the end. They get caught in their own game and then others start to bad mouth them. I don't think you should give this much importance. She is resentful that you distanced yourself and is reacting in a childish manner. I agree, confronting will make it worse, so just have a civilised talk with her. Perhaps she is trying to give a message and is being unable to in any rational way. I am sure a conversation with her will help.
I have been noticing some changes in my husband lately. He goes out a lot and hardly ever spends time with me. He is also becoming a little too fond of alcohol and drinks for every little reason. Also I have noticed that he has become very flirtatious with my female friends and relatives. I don't know if it is a phase he is going through but I feel very lost and hurt. When I broach the subject he thinks I am being ridiculous. I am becoming very depressed with this situation. Please tell me how to go about this problem.
If your husband's present behaviour continues for long then I also think it is a problem. Some men are flirtatious by nature and this is usually harmless with full knowledge of the spouse. However, his drinking coupled with his behaviour is something to look into. Talk to him in a serious way, but do not accuse him otherwise he will become defensive. Explain that his behaviour is causing you concern and that you are worried about his health due to his drinking. On the other hand, try to analyse what could cause his behaviour to change, perhaps there are things happening in his life that you are unaware of such as problems in the office or with friends etc.
Write to Mita is published every other week on specific themes. For the next Mita column, readers are invited to send queries regarding problems with in-laws.
(R) thedailystar.net 2009