Write to Mita
I am in big trouble. I am 23 years old. My husband is living abroad. We only stay together whenever he comes to the country during vacations once a year. As I am a student, it is almost impossible for me to go to him. He is not willing to leave his current job. My problem is, my husband often shares all our conversation with his brother and mother (sometimes I even heard him talking to his brother about the physical dimensions of our relationship). I told him many times that I don't like this type of sharing. But he never pays heed to this. Whenever I raise the issue, he gets very angry. There are many issues in a husband-wife relationship which should not be discussed with others. But my husband shares everything with his friends, especially with his brother. I simply cannot tolerate this. Ours was a love marriage and there is no one to mediate between us. Before marriage my husband was blind for love, and now he is blind towards his family. Again, I want to be successful in my career for which right now it is not possible for me to go abroad. But the situation is deteriorating by the day. My in-laws are becoming very inconsiderate and insensitive and they always put me down. My husband has not proven himself as a responsible husband; my family bears all my expenditures. What can I do? How can I convince my husband to stop sharing everything with others?
Dear Frustrated Wife,
The issue is really not what he is telling others but what you are telling each other. There seems to be a serious communications problem between you. First of all, how long is your separation? A marriage cannot last in a permanent state of separation, tension is bound to erupt and with each passing day the gap increases. Sit together and talk about your future. What was the deal when you got married? Did both of you agree to live apart for a certain period of time? The issue of him being mad for his family is only the symptom and not the actual problem. The actual problem is you both have drifted apart and have not thought of why you have become strangers. Think about what brought you together and try to build on those. However, ultimately if things are so bad, for example,
If he is not responsible, is not sensitive about your career, is more attentive to his family than to you and shares all your marriage problems with others then you should really re think if this marriage is worth saving.
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