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    Volume 9 Issue 7 | February 12, 2010|

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a married man with a three-year-old daughter. About a year ago and five years into my marriage, I began seeing another woman. I just fell in love with her and couldn't stop myself from approaching her, and when she responded, there was no turning back. We both felt guilty at times and knew the relationship could go nowhere, but we continued it for almost a year through it all luckily, I did not get caught, but in the end, we decided to end it. She took the first step and I understood and agreed. There are times when I miss her and feel that if and when I see her again, things will be back to the way they were. At other times, I feel guilty about having cheated on my wife. Should I confess to my wife what I have done? Leaving her and my child is not an option. What should I do with myself?

Dear Cheater,
Since you have taken a decision to come out of the extra marital relationship I believe you should stick to it and try to make your marriage work. Confessing to your wife is another serious matter which will depend upon the strength and maturity of your relationship with her. You should only confess to her if you have truly come out of the other one and will not have anything to do with her in future. You have broken a contract by cheating and breaking her trust. You have also demeaned the institution of marriage. It is now up to you to demonstrate your sincerity and honesty to your family. Thinking about the other person will not help in any way.

Dear Mita,
I am a 21-year-old over-achiever. I feel I have to be the best at everything, and so far, I have been. Or rather, at my studies. I have sacrificed friends, romance, free time and perhaps my whole youth, running after academic accomplishments and only that. I have one or two close friends who understand and accept me, but other than my family, who encourage my academic pursuits, I have little else. The problem is, as I am approaching the end of my university life, I am freaking out at the thought of perhaps not topping my class, not getting the best job, not making the most money, not being the most successful. I feel everything depends on my academic results of the next two years, and if I don't do as well as I want to, I will have nothing else. Success has become like an addiction for me, except that I am aware of the possibility of failure, and if that happens, I won't know what to do with myself. Please help.

Dear Over-achiever,
Having balance and equilibrium is the most important thing in life. As they say, too much or excess of anything is unhealthy. It is great to be a high achiever or even over achiever. Not many can deal with the discipline and dedication this requires. However, it cannot come at such a great price of ignoring all other relationships. In today's world success is achieved by being a well-rounded person having a variety of interests and pursuits. One should not underestimate the importance of good academic results, it is a very important ingredient in your road to success, but not the only one. Therefore, relax, be happy, form fun relationships, don't freak out, it is not the end of the world. Your achievement obsession might lead to a syndrome called “burn out”, which is very serious and will cost you dearly.

Dear Mita,
I am a 16-year-old girl. I have been in a relationship with a boy two years my senior, for over a year. A few months ago, we began to get physically intimate. Though I was unsure about it at first, I can't deny that I ended up enjoying it. But now, I am feeling guilty. I try to tell myself that it's not a big deal, but is it really? My boyfriend is great and I love him a lot, which is why I fear losing him anyway, but with this added factor, I am even more afraid. If this relationship doesn't work out, will I ever be able to have another one? Will any other man accept me? What should I do?
No Turning Back

Dear No Turning Back,
I honestly think you are too young to be in such a serious relationship and your getting physical does not help. Planning for a lifetime of being together should not be based on fear of losing each other. Rather it should be based on honestly, maturity and responsibility. My advice is please take time to grow up, there is plenty of time. Remember you will be a teenager for a short time but an adult forever. Each phase in our lives is important and comes with challenges and obstacles. How we graduate from one phase to another will determine our worth as a person. For the present your job is to enjoy life, study hard and build relationships that will ultimately go towards seriousness, stability and marriage.


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