Write to Mita
I'm a 34-year-old unmarried woman. I'm usually busy with work and family and friends and have little time to myself. Though I have been in relationships before, in the last few years I just did not have time or interest or energy for them, and definitely not for marriage. I'm not anti-marriage or anything, I just feel a bit unprepared, and perhaps lack the faith to depend on someone else for my life and happiness. My family has been asking me to get married for the last 10 years but I've managed to fend them off. However, I'm beginning to wonder whether at some point in the future I will feel lonely and miss having a family of my own. Is marriage essential? Do I still have time to consider it? Should I go for it and, if so, how?
First, of course you have time to think about marriage and having a family of your own. You see, marriage requires adjustment, flexibility and of course commitment. If you are ready for all that then go for it because marriage can also give happiness, peace and security. Most importantly, marriage brings companionship, the chance to share the small and big joys of life. One of those joys is having children. It is a unique privilege that God has bestowed on women and no one should be denied that pleasure. How you will go about it is another issue. I am sure your friends, family and colleagues will help if you just let them know that you are not interested in getting married.
A few months ago, we had a break-in at our house and my grandmother and I were alone at home when it happened. There were five men and they tied us up, covered us with sheets and took all our valuables. After recovering from the initial shock of it all I was doing fine, but about a month or so later, I started having problems sleeping. I keep thinking someone's breaking our locks or coming into our house through the windows. I get so worked up I can't sleep at all and have to keep checking to see if the house is secure. The lack of sleep and anxiety is affecting my work, and I am often exhausted during the day. My family members were sympathetic at first but they too have had enough of my eccentricities. Please tell me what I can do to stop feeling this way.
Such an experience is enough to traumatise anyone and you should not feel that you are over reacting. However, every negative experience has to be put behind at some point in order to move ahead. First, make sure that your house is secure and chances of similar incidents taking place are minimum. After this, talk to people who might have had the same experience and find out how they coped. Support groups in such situations proves to be very helpful. If possible, talk to a counsellor, it might be helpful, if nothing then to just vent your fears and concerns. Finally, this is a matter of time and you will get over it eventually.
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