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     Volume 9 Issue 35| August 27, 2010 |


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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I have been going through a tough time lately. My husband of 15 years has left me for a woman almost half my age. Now I have a 10-year-old to raise all by myself. I was married when I was very young and didn't have a chance to complete my education. For this reason, I am having difficulty finding a job. My parents have passed away and I have no siblings and feel alone and quite helpless. We are surviving on my father's savings and loans from my friends at the moment but that will not last us very long. Please tell me what I can do to find a job. Completing my studies at this point seems like an unrealistic option.

Dear Lost,
I cannot really advise you about any job unless I know what your skills are. Even though completing your studies might seem like an unrealistic option, I believe this is your only option. It is not possible to get any job without some kind of training or qualifications. So however difficult this might be you should go back to your studies. You should also get child support from your ex-husband. Please talk to a lawyer and see how you can file for child support as your son is still a minor and it is the father's responsibility to look after his well-being. This will also take some pressure off you.

Dear Mita,
I recently got married to the man I love. He is a peace-worker and lives abroad because of the nature of his job. I fell in love with him for his beliefs and professional conviction. However, after marriage, I have begun to worry too much about his well-being and his workaholic nature really gets on my nerves. He remains busy most of the time and hardly has time to call. Even when we do get some time to talk, I begin complaining about his work and how it keeps him away from me, and we end up having an argument. I really don't know how to deal with this entire situation. Please help.

Dear Lonely,
Don't express your concern in such a way that it seems like nagging. Your husband is away for a certain mission and needs to accomplish that properly. However, he should try his best not to neglect his family and keep regular contact. You should approach this differently. Don't complain when he calls, this will only irritate him. Write to him if possible, email is a good way to communicate. Try to sort out your differences through the email so that you don't argue when he calls. Finally, if he is a workaholic there is little you can do. Try to make the home so attractive that he will be compelled to leave his work to come home.

Dear Mita,
I'm a single mom raising a seven-year-old boy. My husband passed away when our son was four and he lacks a male role model in his life. There are many things I as a mother don't understand and can't explain to him. I don't have the same interests he does and I am really concerned that he will start to feel like we can no longer talk. What do you think my options are in terms of finding him a male role model? I considered remarrying but so much can go wrong with that. His teachers at school are all female and I have no close male relatives he can bond with. Please help me.

Single Mother
Dear Single Mother,
This is a very difficult situation and the solution will not be easy. You can try to do boyish things with him such as getting involved in games and activities he likes. Even if you don't have such interests, you should make an effort. Look up male friends, friends of your husband who he can spend some time with. Talk to women in similar situations, they might be able to give some advice. Finally, don't reject the idea of marriage. You are young and deserve to be happy and secure, not only for your son but also for yourself.

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