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     Volume 9 Issue 41| October 22, 2010 |

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Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a 27-year-old man and I have liked a girl for the past year or so. She showed interest in me initially, but seemed to change her mind shortly after. I tried to keep in touch with her but she seemed busy with her friends and work. I did not push the matter but continued to be friendly and keep in touch as much as possible without being annoying. A few weeks ago, she started showing interest in me again. She called and emailed and we made plans to get together. I was very happy and tried to show her I still cared for her. However, the few times that we did meet, she seemed distant and pre-occupied, although she still tries to make plans to hang out and keeps in touch with me regularly. These mixed signals are driving me crazy. I think she is a wonderful girl with a great personality and she's gorgeous. I really want this to work out for me. Please help me figure out how to find out what's on her mind.
In love

Dear In Love,
Before you go any further please find out if she wants to be your friend and wants to spend time with you. Don't push for a serious relationship before finding out her interest. It seems you are very interested, if that is the case you will have to do certain things to win her heart. Find out her interests, what makes her happy, her hobbies, take an interest in her profession and ambitions. If you want this to work out, then work for it.

Dear Mita,
I was in a relationship with a girl whose parents are very close to mine. I was with her for about two years and I worshipped the ground she walked on. However, I came to know that she was cheating on me. She broke off the relationship when I found out, but I just couldn't bring myself to forgive her. Our parents were unaware of our relationship. However, recently, my parents mentioned that they think she will be a good match for me and that her parents have shown interest in our match. I tried to tell my parents that this was a bad idea without revealing our past, but they kept asking me to consider it. I spoke to her and she says she never stopped loving me and begged me to give it some thought. I have always cared for her, and I don't want to hurt my parents or hers, as they have been very kind to me. I find myself in turmoil. I just don't know if I can forget what happened and trust her again. Please tell me what I should do.

Dear Confused,
Only you can judge whether it will be a good thing to forget what has happened and move on. If you care so deeply for her then you should give her a chance. Most importantly, find out the reasons for her cheating. Perhaps she was dissatisfied with you for some reasons and has not been able to convey them to you. Parents play an important role in the lives of their children, but in this situation, it is your decision and hers. Don't rush into anything, talk to your parents, tell them that you are not ready for marriage right now and meanwhile spend some time to find out what she really wants.

Dear Mita,
I have been in a relationship for the past 8 years with a guy who I thought was perfect for me. I loved him deeply and trusted him with every ounce of my being. Both our families and all our friends know about us and approve of our relationship. My world seemed perfect just a few days ago; until I found out he was cheating on me. He was secretly in a relationship with another girl and when I confronted him, he admitted the truth. He apologised and begged for me to forgive him and be with him. He said it would never happen again. I began to wonder if I really want to be with him. I can't imagine a life without him, I wouldn't even know where to start. What should I do?

Dear Cheated,
Don't get into such a disempowered situation that you cannot imagine a life without him. Please remember, life is long, precious and ever changing. A strong, stable, loving and serious relationship is the most desired thing in adult life. However, it does not always work out that way. People face disappointments but still carry on. He might have seemed the perfect person for you, but perhaps is not the person you thought he was. Having said that, give him another chance if you care so deeply about him. Asking you to forgive him and saying it will not happen again is not enough. He has to explain to you why it happened. It is important for you to find out if you plan to take this relationship further.


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