Write to Mita
I absolutely love your column and read it every Friday. I am the youngest of all my cousins and I never really meshed well with them, as I am always very shy. When they are in one room having fun, I'm in the other end the room reading a book all by myself. Actually, by 'fun', they mean watching horror movies, which I don't really like. Recently, I am beginning to notice that my brother feels really uncomfortable when I hang out with them. He embarrasses me and finds some way or the other to make me go away. I feel really lonely and am kind of sad when I hear they are coming to visit us. None of my cousins are close to my age. When I talk to my brother about it, he denies it and if I ask if I can hang out with them, he says no. I need to find a way to tell them I am lonely. What should I do? Please help.
First, thank you for appreciating my column, it is heartening that young people are still reading it. It is not very uncommon for some members of a family to feel left out at certain time. This is often due to a gap in age among siblings or very varied and different interest. If you are the youngest then it is their responsibility to bring you in and make you feel comfortable. However, since you are the one suffering then it is now up to you to change things. The best way to do this is to have open and frank conversation with them. Choose one of them as your ally and take his/help to sort this out. Regarding your brother, I don't know how old he is but he might be going through changes in his life and is preoccupied about something. Remember at the end of the day, siblings are your most dependable relationship. If you are ever in trouble they will be the first ones to come to you aid. Learn to over come these present problems to build the lasting relationship that it deserves.
I am a 17 year-old girl and a 1st year student in college. 7-8 months earlier I fell head over heels in love with a man and eventually there started what I would call a relationship. But we broke up just in 2 months. Now, there's no point in placing the blame, and I try to think it as an accident. But my shattered inner universe is not giving me a moment's peace, evoking an agony like a physical wound. Not that I want him back or somebody new, I have no intention to get my heart broken again and I am very content with how I am, with family, friends and well-wishers; but the wound keeps always hurting. I can't concentrate on my studies, can't even watch a movie or listen to some music peacefully. I am even afraid to sleep, because dreams and memories will hunt me down. I literally can't do anything at all. I shared this with some friends and they consoled me by saying it would get better gradually, but it isn't. I have become so impatient and rude, almost unsocial. Sometimes I think I am going mad. But I want to leave all this mess behind and do my things properly. I have my studies and there is no time to waste. Can you please tell me what I should do?
Dear Almost Crazy,
The only person who can help is you. Just remember, if you put your mind to do something, nothing can stop you. You will have to bring all your determination and self discipline to help you get over this crisis. You may think about getting involved in some hobby or extracurricular activity. It might be anything, either sport or singing dancing etc. this will help you to get it off your mind for a while and will also help you to concentrate. You may want to talk to a friend, perhaps an older cousin who you trust. You will have to somehow de-link it with your present life, as such thoughts have no future for you. Think about what is more important for you. I think at this time you have your studies, friends and family which should occupy your mind. Just get out and have fund, put this behind you. I am confident, if you really try you will be able to do it.
I am a 24-year-old man and am currently working. Recently I have fallen in love with my cousin who is only 17 years old and a college student. Both of us are quite free with each other and she seems to be quite cordial with me. But she does not know that I am in love with her. We do often chat with each other through facebook. But I still can't decide whether I should approach her or not because she is 7 years younger than me. Please tell me if I should tell her how I feel or just forget about the whole thing and leave her alone.
Lost in Love
I am very sorry but I cannot give any advise as I thoroughly oppose relationships between adults and minors because at age 17, that is what she is. Moreover, she is your cousin who should be like a younger sister than anything else. The 7-year gap between you is significant at this stage of her life. It would not be so if for example she was 20 and you 27. She is just no old enough to go into such serious matters as love and long term relationship. Try to be a genuine friend to her or else leave her alone.
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