Write to Mita
Write to Mita
I just started working in a new office in Dhaka. I have lived abroad for the past few years and had forgotten how things can be here. I'm of a friendly disposition and am getting along very well with my new colleagues. However, lately I've begun to notice that one of my male colleagues seems to have mistaken my friendly behaviour for flirtation as I have realised most men in Bangladesh tend to do. I really don't want to hurt his feelings because he seems like a nice guy, but I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever and don't want things to be uncomfortable at work if/when I have to tell him. Please advise me as to what I should do to avoid all this awkwardness.
As you have realised, there are different norms and assumptions regarding male-female relationships. Before this get serious you must dispel his misunderstanding. You can do this by informing him indirectly that you are not interested in any serious relationship at this point and want to concentrate on your career. You may also talk to him about how men in our society misunderstand a women's friendliness and take it as a signal for something more. If he is a nice decent person he will take the hint and not give wrong signals anymore.
I am absolutely nuts about Labonno who is also completely obsessed with me. But the problem is that my family members are totally opposed to our relationship since she does not have much schooling. Now I cannot behave in a sensible way and concentrate on my studies. I often feel like taking my life. I have already started smoking. It should be mentioned that my beloved is my eldest brother's sister-in- law. Please, help me figure out what to do.
Dear In Love,
I don't understand, what is your problem? Why should you take your life if your family disapproves of your love? They cannot force you or her to break off the relationship if you are so serious. Please continue and at the same time show some mature and adult behavior such as stop smoking and going back to your studies. This kind of childish attitude will help neither of you. Be positive, stay focused, the family will ultimately agree.
My mother has been unwell for the past month or so. She suffers from high blood pressure, among other things and complains about being stressed out all the time. When I ask her what bothers her so much, she replies that she is worried about getting me married. I am in my late twenties and have a boyfriend, but we haven't given much thought to marriage yet. I feel suffocated and guilty every time my mother says this but I can't do anything about it. Other than getting married, which I don't want to do yet, what can I do to make her feel better?
What you can do is give her more time. Talk to her, be her friend and help her to tell you what is really bothering her. Most parents want their children to be settled. Mothers feel they are responsible to see their daughters married off. We might not agree with this but that is the reality. Don't be too harsh on her and also don't take it too hard. There are many women in their late twenties facing the same problem. Women with aspirations for a career are opting to marry late, this is not being understood or appreciated by the older generation. However, times are changing and parents are adjusting to the demands of their rebellious daughters. Don't worry too much and be nice to your mother.
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