To err is human (man is mortal)
It is difficult to get a job, admitted, but making a leave application can also be more difficult than getting the leave. Obviously one has to be educated to a level to be hired for employment, and therefore the wonderment how and why educated employees should make submissions that leave a whole lot of confusion.
The quoted leave applications below are attributed to an email I received many months ago.
Now not many people would live long if they planned to sell their wives (a case of intended murder would be registered by the relatives of the husband) but that seemed exactly what an employee of a computer company wrote while applying for leave: “Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.” I doubt his wife allowed him to sell even his land.
A daughter's wedding is a serious emotional occasion for any father and mother, and so one could be forgiven to slip and write: “as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave”.
Some people do not get along easily with their mother-in-law and many divorces over the ages have even if unfairly been blamed on the better half of the in-laws but to put that in paper and pen requires the heart of a lion. Wrote one after making sure that she was gone: “As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave…”
Death can give the creepers to almost anyone and casual leave is a provision that has been abused even by the most sincere of employees. And so while applying for a half-day leave, one gentleman made this his best: “Since I've to go to the graveyard at 10 o'clock and I may not return, please grant me half-day casual leave”. He did return the next day quite casually.
Most employees can be rather demanding and those full of self-esteem are more assertive than the common employee, illustrated ever so brilliantly by the following application by one not so much in the pink of health: “I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday”.
It is only after many years of leaving a school that most of us realise how wonderful it was and what a fabulous time we had and if only the clock-hand could be reversed and how indebted we are to our teachers…. But, studentship can itself be a cause of illness, as one scholar clarified to his headmaster: “As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today.” Or did he?
Sometimes when we submit an attachment we use a covering note, but never do we mean to transport ourselves either in body or in soul, but there can be a slip of the mind, as in this case: “I am enclosed herewith…” or as in this one: “Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…”. I think reference, if any, should be made to the chap's above, whatever.
Then there was this expressive guy who wanted to make his application sound convincing to his boss, and so he requested for leave as follows: “My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”. His wife was a very happy woman and recovered overnight.
Not being ill can also be a problem, especially if one is so happy, and obviously so, that the joy warrants sharing with all one's loved ones. Began a letter: “I am well here and hope you are also in the same well”. It is assumed that none of his 'wet' relatives replied.
You have to be careful with your gender, I mean literally, please. Otherwise making a goof like the one below is a possibility. The job application of a candidate read like this: “This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'Typist and an Accountant – Male or Female'. As I am both for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post”. What do you think? Did he get the job? Or was the applicant a she?
One sure way to recover from the hazards of English or for that matter any language is to listen to and read and speak and write in that language, almost in that order. Success will come as soon as the fear of expressing is conquered by good practice. Let us encourage each other by correcting with the spirit of helping. Let not the mind be boggled by lack of finding an outlet, written or spoken.