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         Volume 11 |Issue 37| September 21, 2012 |


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Write to Mita

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a 25-year-old woman and I have just started dating a guy who two years younger than me. He's a great guy but he has never been physically intimate with anyone which is not true in my case. This has been bothering me since I have never been with anyone who is inexperienced and I don't know what he is expecting from me. Also he believes I am inexperienced as well and I don't know how to tell him the truth. I really need to get past this and enjoy being with him. Please tell me what to do.

Dear Troubled,
Just as you said, get past this and enjoy being together. Let things flow naturally and I am sure you will come to a workable solution. A relationship is based on so many variables and also comes in a package. If he is such a great guy and is the kind of person that you think he is, then these things will not probably bother him. However, if it does then as sad as it might sound but you will have to accept that he is not the right person for you.

Dear Mita,
I broke up with someone many years ago because of irreconcilable differences. I have never really got over him although I know how wrong he is for me and how much damage he has caused to me as a person. Recently I have joined a new company after being selected from a very large number of candidates. I really like the work environment, my employer is quite a reasonable person and the salary is really good. But to my horror I found out that my ex boyfriend is working for this company, though in a different department. What's worse we saw each other at a meeting and he has been texting me and emailing me ever since. I also realised that I still have feelings for him and perhaps it is the physical attraction I have for him but I really don't want to get involved with him ever again. He is a self-centered, ruthless person and has hurt me many times, I almost had a nervous breakdown because of him and my health has also suffered after he abruptly broke up with me for no apparent reason. I really hate him but I don't know how to avoid him. Please advise.

Dear Desparado,
You need not become so disempowered that the sight of a person from the past will have such an impact on you. Not being able to get over an unpleasant relationship is a state of the mind. You have to use all your determination, will power and also sense of pride and dignity and get over him. He has no business texting and emailing you, please do not respond and let him know curtly that you don't appreciate this. Remember how he hurt and humiliated you and learn to ignore him. Continue in you new job, work hard and do your best, make a name for your self. Your professional success will give you confidence and equip you to deal with this situation.

Dear Mita,
I am an extremely jealous person. I recently got married and have discovered that my husband has had many flings in the past. This bothered me a lot because I have not been in that many relationships. I demanded to know the names of these women and realised he is still friends with quite a few of them and I have met them all. I thought I could handle this information but I discovered that when I find myself in certain situations I just can't. Like last night, we went to his friend's wedding and three of these women were there and I just kept imagining him with them and had an unpleasant evening. I could think of nothing else and he figured this out and was quite upset too. How can I get over this? He offered to stop hanging out with this circle of friends but I feel bad making him do that. But I don't want this to affect our relationship. Please help.

Dear Jealous,
Jealousy is like a disease which eats into a person destroying every thing, most importantly relationships. A good marriage is based on trust, faith and respect. If one of these comes into question from any side then it can bring a huge dent in the relationship. Please remember that he has married you, choosing you above all others, which makes you his most preferred person. Why should it matter if he meets them socially once in a while? Has he ever shown signs that he loves or cares for you less? Please start to think positive, think about all the joy he has brought to your life, all that is to come. Don't torture yourself with things that have no bearing with your present or future.


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