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     Volume 11 |Issue 50| December 21, 2012 |


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Write to Mita

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I fell in love with my best friend when I was around 15. Later, we broke up over serious family problems and emotional turmoil. He has his own life now, but I guess he loves me as much as I do. What I can say in short is, everything is over. But, never in my life have I felt as cared for and loved as I felt while I was with him. He was my guardian angel. It has been two years since he left me. Yet, I am almost always depressed and I am so drowned in this that I freeze even during exams, and his memories rush in and out of my mind. I have tried everything, nothing distracts me. What should I do?

Dear M,
You are only 17 and have a long way to go before you finally decide on your life partner. The only way you can get out of this depression is to use all your will power and positive energy to concentrate on what is most important in your life now. And that is building a firm foundation of your career and your relationships. Find friends and family members who love and care for you. Find distractions in meaningful activities such as helping others. As time goes you will surely come out of this state of mind. Just keep up your spirits. Remember there is someone even more caring waiting somewhere and you will find him some day.

Dear Mita,
I am an 18-year-old girl and in love with a boy of my age. We know each other for almost three years. My problem is he knows that I love him but he doesn't love me. I have done every possible thing to make him happy. But I never saw any change in his feelings. Sometimes he behaves like he loves me or cares about me. Sometimes it seems like he can't tolerate me. As I am very emotional I often break down in tears. He knows this but just doesn't always care. And being very conscious about hurting him or ruining his mood I can't confess my problems properly. I tried to break this up but I couldn't. I really need your help!

Dear Broken,
Sad it might be but there are certain realities that one has to face. However much you love this person, he is not the one for you. If he care about you then there is no question of forcing him to. If for some reason you do then it will only be a half-hearted relationship, which is something that you would not want. Please accept the fact that he does not love you and get on with your life. You are only 18 and have a life time of wonderful things in store for you. Get to your studies, music, friends, travel etc. Life is much too beautiful to waste it over one disappointment.

Dear Mita,
I have been married for three years to a man who I fell head over heels in love with at first sight. He is good to me and I have never been better taken care of. However, for the past year and half, he seems to have lost interest in our physical relationship. It didn't happen gradually, it happened all of a sudden. He had gone for a work trip and when he returned he was the same in all other aspects but this. It's as though he woke up one morning and just didn't want me anymore. He never speaks of this and never offers an explanation when I ask what happened. He just remains silent and says nothing is wrong. I tried to understand and figure out what the problem was at first, but somewhere along the line I started getting angry and harbouring all sorts of resentment towards him. I pick fights with him all the time about everything. I call him horrible names, at times I threaten to leave him and while he gets upset, he still doesn't address the real issue and try to fix our problem. I had all sorts of wild theories about him having an affair but to be honest with you, I don't believe there is someone else, I think he just doesn't want me. I want to have a family some day, I have needs and I am tired of fighting. Should I leave him?

Dear Tired,
To answer your last question first, no, please don't leave him. That is not a solution, at least not yet. You have to find the reason for the change in him. Not by fighting or badgering him but by using tact, diplomacy and intelligence. You should also ask yourself what could have gone wrong. Please remember, marriage has a tendency to become boring and monotonous if one does not constantly nurture and work at it. Physical attraction also cannot last indefinitely if you don't find new ways to keep it exciting. Analyse what you have done in the last few years to make your marriage exciting. How many holidays have you planned, what special things have you done for him. Fighting and badgering him will only make it worse. You could also try to seek help from a marriage counselor. Most importantly, treat this as something which affects both of you, talk to him, discuss with him, not in a confrontational way but patiently. I am sure you will find some solution soon.

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