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     Volume 12 |Issue 01| January 04, 2013 |


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Write to Mita

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I am a sixteen year old boy dating a girl who is nineteen years old. We were in the same school and started dating when I was fourteen. I am deeply in love with her and we were a very happy couple, despite the age difference but as of late things have changed. She graduated from our high school and went on to complete her A levels a year after we started seeing eachother and had a separate group of friends so we didn't get to see each other often. Now, she is going off to the States for her bachelors degree and I am reminded daily of my age and how it will be another three years atleast before I can join her. She seems excited about her new life and doesn't seem as sad as I though she would be leaving me behind. We agreed to have a long distance relationship but she seems hesitant about it. I worry that she will meet a college guy older and smarter than me and forget all about me. Should I break up with her before that happens? I know it will devastate me.

Dear Childish,
Yes, I do think that even if this will devastate you now, you should break up with her. This relationship has no future. She now has other ambitions and dreams which she has a right to pursue. Remaining in a relationship that she is most probably trying to get out of will achieve nothing but heartache. You should put it behind you and move on. There will be many girls closer to your age who will find you interesting and who will be attracted to. You are very young and this is not the time to pursue long term serious relationship.

Dear Mita,
I am a 35 year old single woman and I am still a virgin. I have never been in a relationship although I have fallen in love many times. I now find myself unhappy and unfulfilled and wondering what it is like to have a physical relationship with a man. I approached many of my male friends and propositioned them, but they all refused. I think I may have scared them. Being a Bangladeshi woman, it is difficult for me to find men open to the idea of engaging in a physically intimate relationship. So, I find myself at a loss as to what to do. Can you advise me?

Dear Frustrated,
A purely physical relationship will not satisfy you in any way. What you need is a serious, long term commitment from a man. Don't go around propositioning men, this is not dignified. Some men will take this opportunity to use and then shun you which will be very demeaning for your self respect. Have you thought of getting married? In our culture, marriages can be arranged. Why don't you ask friends, relatives etc. to fix a match for you. Often they end up in perfectly happy liaisons. Think about it, otherwise, look around for a man who you have things in common, who will appreciate and respect you. Then explore the possibility of a relationship. You are only 35, and have enough time.

Dear Mita,
I met a man last month and fell in love with him at first sight. I asked him out and was ecstatic when he agreed to date me. For two weeks, we met everyday and spoke on the phone every night. It all seemed magical until one day he asked me if he could borrow Tk 30,000 from me because of some financial problems he was facing. The fool that I am, I lent it to him and two days later, he broke up with me with an excuse that he isn't attracted to me. Now, when I call him to ask for my money back he doesn't answer my calls or texts. My colleague who met him once thinks he may be involved in drugs judging from his behaviour. I contacted the office where he said he worked but there is no one there by his name. I am not even sure if he gave me his real name. I met him randomly at a music festival and don't know anyone else who knows him. What should I do? It feels so wrong just to let this go.

Dear Duped,
I don't know there is much you can do now but report him to the police, file a GD giving his description or if you have a photograph. However, treat this as a lesson not to trust strangers without references. He was just using you and you should be happy that the loss both in terms of self respect and finance is not greater. There are some men in our society who are preying on gullible women as you. Beware of such men and next time don't fall into this trap.


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