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     Volume 12 |Issue 02| January 11, 2013 |


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Write to Mita

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
I have been pretty angry at the world lately and I realise that can't be good for me. I may sound like a spoilt brat, but nothing has been going my way. For unavoidable circumstances, my wedding which was supposed to happen this winter was postponed to next summer. I had planned to go abroad for work but that got cancelled because I didn't get a visa. My dog has been ill for quite a while and we may have to put him down. But more importantly, I have been having trouble in my relationships with people close to me. I have been having fights about the smallest matters with my mother, I am irritable and lose my temper and lately, someone I trusted a lot and have been there for through many bad times that she has gone through, has been misbehaving with me and I have no idea why. I tried to find out and that seems to anger this person more. Anyway everything has been bringing me down and I feel like I'm not myself anymore. I snap at people and have become sensitive about everything. Please tell me how to overcome this and be normal again.

Dear Troubled,
You have a right to be angry and frustrated at all the things going wrong at the same time. I request you to look at it in perspective. Think about all the things that have gone right in your life. You have a loving family, a devoted fiancé and the chance to go abroad for a job! It does not matter if you did not get a visa this time, you will get it in the near future. About the dog, well, you know that this has to happen sometime. Regarding your friend misbehaving, well I would advise you to look into your behaviour with her rather than the other way round. In the mood that you are, perhaps you have said or done something to annoy her. Please don't lose your temper with your mother. Think about the unconditional love she gives to the family.

The person you have not mentioned at all is your fiancé. Please talk to him, his love and support is crucial to take you out of this difficult situation.

Dear Mita,
I have been in a relationship with a guy for the past 8 years, and recently the date for the wedding has been decided. Ever since then, he has been acting distant and irritable with me and I just can't get him to tell me what is wrong. He began to spend less time with me and said he was busy with his friends and family. One time, he told me he was going out of town for work, but I saw him on the road, on my way to work. I was confused and hurt by his behaviour and I know this is wrong but I found an opportunity and went through his phone. What I found was shocking and disturbing. I saw texts to and from a common friend of ours who I have known longer than he has. It was obvious from what I read that he was having a physical relationship with her and they met quite frequently at her home when her husband was out of town. I was devastated and disgusted at the same time. I told him I had seen the texts and broke up with him, but I still haven't been able to tell my parents about this or this woman's husband. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust anyone again. If eight years isn't enough for me to get to know someone, there must be something wrong with me. My parents are happily planning my wedding and it breaks my heart just thinking about breaking this news to them. Please tell me how I can do this.

Dear Shattered,
First, please tell your parents before it gets too late. They will be hurt and disappointed, but I promise you they will understand. They desire your happiness and will not want their daughter married to a man who will be unfaithful to her. Secondly, look at this as a boon rather then a tragedy. Isn't it much better you discovered this early, before tying the knot rather than finding about it after marriage? Just accept the fact that he is not the man for you. He will someday face the consequences of his actions, but for now, let this go I promise you there is someone waiting, someone much more wonderful, caring and trustworthy who will make you happy. I know this is a real heart breaker, but believe me, it is not the end of the world. Put it behind you and move ahead, show him that you are made of stronger stuff and can take this disappointment in your stride. In no way allow him to humiliate you.

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