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    Volume 12 |Issue 09| March 01, 2013 |


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Write to Mita

Write to Mita

Dear Mita,
My wife and I have been married for ten years and we have a seven-year-old daughter. It was a love marriage of sorts; we chose each other and dated for a couple of months before deciding to marry. My problem is this: we were always aware of the differences in our personality. For example my wife is extrovert and free-spirited while I am quiet and career orientated. This was not a problem in our early 20s because we thought we complimented each other. We would respect each other's differences on religion and how to bring up our daughter but with the recent Shahbag movement, conversations about politics, child-rearing and life generally have become arguments. I am not pro-Jamaat but I do not think Shahbag is the right course for change either. I just think there are flaws on multiple fronts but my wife is a strong supporter and has even taken our daughter to the protest which I have had serious issues with. How can we see eye to eye in our marriage when we can barely exchange two words without fighting about Shahbag and what our daughter is seeing and saying concerning the hanging of war criminals?
Troubled Father

Dear Troubled Father,
In a relationship or marriage, little things often get blown out of proportion. This is what is happening to you. There is no reason why both of you cannot sit and talk this through. You must understand that Shahbag is a reality which is pulling hundreds and thousands of young and old people together to vent their frustration over impunity of war criminals. You might not agree with their methods but you have to admit that something has happened that has touched the imagination of the nation. It cannot be ignored. Regarding taking your young child, this should certainly be decided by both of you. I don't think going there once will have a damaging impact on her. However, it is true that thousands of people calling for death and hanging is not the best thing for a child to hear. But this is not only about Shahbag, both of you must learn to communicate better and channel your differences in such a way that it does not create further conflict.

Dear Mita,
I am married to a very complicated man. He has trouble talking about things. He has made some strange decisions regarding his life in the past and I am not allowed to ask questions about these choices. He is also not truthful about many things which worry me because I never know when I can trust him. Our marriage was an arranged one and we were fine the first year or so, but then things started becoming rocky, he became reserved and uncommunicative and uninterested in me. Now I have discovered I am pregnant and I am not sure I want to have a child with someone I don't quite know. Please tell me what I should do.

Dear Worried,
This is a very serious situation and any decision you take now will have long-term implications. Your first priority must be to try and salvage your marriage in any way you can. Please be honest with yourself and try to find out what has made your husband change. Is it entirely his fault or can it be something you have done or not done. Remember, people don't change over night, there must be a problem somewhere that you have not addressed. However, finally the choice is yours, my only advice is think this out very carefully and make a last sincere effort to bring back the relationship you enjoyed once.

Dear Mita,
I am a twenty-five-year-old guy and I have always been single. But that's not really my problem although it probably should be. I have a group of friends I hang out with and so far I have fallen for three of their girlfriends. It's not like I don't meet girls on my own, it's just that I never find them interesting. My friends' girlfriends however are not flirting with me and are just themselves which I find appealing. I feel like I get to know them better because they trust me and open up to me and I find that attractive. Anyway naturally my friends haven't taken this well and I have gotten into quite a few fights over this. I am trying to change my ways but I can't figure out how to get out of this habit. Please help.

Dear Confused, (I don't want to call you a scoundrel)
If you demean yourself how can you expect others to respect you? You are already 25 and should not behave in such a shallow manner. If you have fallen for three women, it is up to you to decide what you want to do next. I don't see a way out unless you take a step back and think what you want out of your life. You may decide to go about life being vain and silly or you might want to take life seriously and value sincere friends. It is up to you. Your present life will take you nowhere and will leave you friendless and unhappy. The choice is yours.


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