After watching sales fall off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
Pope says, "What can I do?"
So the Colonel hangs up. After another month of dismissal sales, the Colonel panics and calls again.
"Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll give you $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'."
And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's Prayer and I can't change the words."
the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales
the Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency.
If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day
our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate
$100 million to the Vatican."
So the next day the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican."
The Bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news.
Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."
When I was younger, I often used to be paralyzed with fear of some sort of monster during the sleepless nights. One slight movement and 'it' would come and get me! Even if there was something in my eye and I desperately needed to rub it, or if I really needed to loosen my hair, or if I was dying to slap the mosquito on my arm, I did not dare to move an inch. 'It' would find out that I was awake! I never believed in ghosts. Then what was this 'it' I was afraid of? I still do not have an answer.
Fear of things like cockroaches or spiders are somewhat justified!. They look disgusting or they feel sickening is possibly the explanation for your fear of such harmless insects. But what about the fear of darkness? Or the fear of god-knows-what after watching a horror movie?
I remember how frightened I was after watching such a movie. I was unable to stay in a room alone. It was all right as long as I could tag behind my mother. But when it came to the bathroom, who would accompany me there? The more urgent it grew, the more scared I became!
My fear was often a pain in the you-know-where even to me. I could not go to the dark verandah to get my towel at night. I would stick my hand out of the window between the verandah and my room, grab the towel and bring it through the window. But when the towel was out of reach, it was definitely a problem! No one would come all the way from the other room just to get me my towel from the verandah!
One of the greatest fears is that of thieves. I know it should be the other way round the thieves should be afraid of me. But my heart involuntarily stops beating when I hear a footstep outside the window. Just imagine a big, fat, ugly hand through your window, about to grab your bed sheet! Freaky! My grandma, who is a bigger chicken than I am (sorry for the expression), however, had a one-of-a-kind scary experience with thieves. Her bed was beside the window. One night, when she was asleep, a thief stuck his hand through the window and reached for the gold necklace she was wearing. My usually coward grandma awoke and grabbed the thief's hand and let out a scream. Brave old grandma!
After hearing this incident, I had given up the habit of opening the windows of my room for ventilation. Had I a room of my own, it would have turned into a place unsuitable for human habitation. But how can I possibly stay all alone in a room? So, I share a room with my sister. Even though that can be useful at times, it is disadvantageous sometimes too. One night, while I was fast asleep and she was studying, weird sounds and footsteps gave her a fright. She could not bear to be the only one awake in the whole house. She wanted someone wide-awake next o her. So she called me up from my sleep. With sleepy eyes and a muffled voice, I looked at her and asked, 'What?' Since she could not give any reason as to why she called me up, she merely dazzled me with her brilliant smile and said, 'Heh heh!'
What do you feel like doing, when in the middle of the night someone calls you up just to smile at you? I was so furious, that I even forgot to shout at her. With an expressionless face, all I managed to say was, 'Is that why you called me?' Other people's unreasonable fears often get on your nerves and make you exasperated, enraged and unbelievably annoyed. But then again, when are fears reasonable?
Farmer Joe and his Mule
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
"Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite mule Bessie into the--"
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
"Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--"
"Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so.
"Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favourite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"
constant friend of two years
touch the shriveled tree trunk
rushing to it when I needed help,
I stand here alone,
By Jennifer Ashraf
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