Home   |  Issues  |  The Daily Star Home





Write to Pintu

Is life just really, really, sucky? Do you need someone to walk with you down a long hard path of misery and sorrow, someone to co

fide in and to help you redeem yourself in your own eyes? Well, Pintu's not your man, because he'd rather take the bus than walk with you. And he won't pay for your fare. You're better off walking backwards down the middle of the Dhaka-Tangail highway, while wearing an invisibility cloak and dark glasses.

If you enjoy feeling small and insignificant, WRITE TO PINTU.
Or email, pintu_rising@yahoo.com
Your pathetic pleas (letters) may be edited. Stop whining.

Dear Pintu,
I think you enjoy the most writing on RS. I guess your VALUABLE SUGGESTIONS (!!!) to the NEEDY (!!!) people save them from drowning. Now, let's come to the point. What miracle can I perform that you YOURSELF will reward me with your valuable post in the RS. I guess I can handle your job better. Please suggest me how can I knock you off?

Dear PD,
Wouldn't you just eat poop to do what I do? Well, it is true that a group of blind chimpanzees could run WASA better than anyone to date, but well, we don't quite find simian droppings in our water supply nowadays, do we? Not to say that for one minute I believe that you could do a better job than me. Well, to get this job, you need to complete a series of superhuman feats, such as finding a pen once it is lost, walking on water and defeating a terrifying seven headed creature that is part lion and part Dipjol. Then you also need to be me. Can you imagine a column called "Write to Peacedestroyer"? No, I thought not. Now go away.

Dear Pintu,
I am, like, 2 kwoul. I play in a like a totally awesome rock band, and I of course play gtr. I rock hard. I want people to worship my skillz and women to offer unimaginable offerings to me. That would rock. Could you, like, give a holler out to everyone about my band, cuz its so awesome. The band's called Lumpy Buzzcut, and you know, like we rock. We're even going to be like starting our first lessons to like, learn how to play our instruments tomorrow. So eventually, we'll not only rock, but we'll also make music. ROCK ONNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!
- SlipNotintheFire

Dear SlipNotinthFire,
Lumpy Buzzcut, indeed. Well, there you go, folks, welcome Lumpy Buzzcut, who eventually will play songs, which will coincide with their current occupation at this moment, which is rocking. SNITF, I won't elaborate too much, but did you ever follow the advice your English teacher gave you at school, which was to always re-read before handing in the final draft? Did your letter really strike you as being particularly "kwoul"? I expect years from now, you'll dig up an old copy of the Rising Stars, read what you wrote, think back on the dismal career of Lumpy Buzzcut, and feel terribly depressed. And rightly so.

Dear Pintu,
I'm a young girl in love. This guy I love is such a good looking dawg. In fact, he is a dog. Yes, I love a dog. But true love prevails always, right? How can I be with the dog in a way that my parents will accept our love?
- Mindy

Dear Mindy,
Just think of Romeo and Juliet. Oh wait, they died senseless deaths at the end. But still true love always prevails. Stupid thinking like that can get you killed. Hire some mastaans and intimidate your parents until they relent to your love. Absolute power beats love any day, hands down.

Dear Pintu,
Do you know how to make your pants last? I do. You make your shirt first.
- Clever

Dear Clever,
Your exceeding smartness is overwhelming. Overwhelming. I mean, one would have thought that Einstein or Rabindranath Tagore were smart, but I guess you showed them. What will you come up with next? The upward propelled ejector seat for the helicopter?


While we await Rowling's sixth book, the rendition of the third into film seems to have resulted in a full-scale debate over its merits. Last week, we had two readers telling us what they didn't like about the movie, and this week "Long Hand" and "HP Amit" send their two bits. They say:

"In reply to the letters by Mist Walker and R:N, we have quite a few things to say. To begin with, of all the movies this summer (including Shrek-2 and Spider Man-2, Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban (POA) has made the highest profit, according to a bazillion web-sites. (We're actually surprised that they [as in Mist Walker and R:N] don't know about this, since they use the Internet, and this was all over the net, including the cover page of BBC.com). Second, Mist Walker (MW) said that this movie was a disappointment. We think it would be more of a disappointment if the movie stayed as it was. Warner Bros. (sponsor of the movie) hired Alfonso Cuaron ( director of POA) to change the perspective of the movie, so as to attract new fans . And believe me, he did! Alfonso put in regular teenage life into JK Rowling's world. Or else it wouldn't have earned $230 million and easily surpassed the first two movies, according to practically all of the Internet, TV and newspapers). Third, we would like to add the fact that hardly anyone in Bangladesh has had the privilege to see the movie in actual print in theatres as we (long_hands and hp amit) did, at Kolkata (where the movie was being shown). The movie looked amazing, sounded amazing and felt amazing. Here in the Desh, most of the movie was blocked out by coughs (by the person who illegally taped the movie), and the camera was tilted most of the time ( no wonder people didn't like it). Next point, R:N said that Johnny Depp and Viggo Mortensen would make a better Sirius, due to their good looks. Well, in case R:N hasn't read the book, Sirius is supposed to look shockingly terrifying as he has spent 13 years in a prison cell surrounded by soul-suckers ( who knows he may have been good looking while he was young). Although Lupin was a bit different from what ALL of us expected, David Thewlis did seem to have the fatherly instinct required for the role, as well as the acting expertise. Then again, we also agree that Cho and Cedric should have been involved with the movie. But of course, the director knew better, having talked countless times with Jo Rowling herself. Another point, Jo Rowling has lately revealed that some of the so-called irritating aspects of the movie (those of Ron and Hermione), according to MW, are actually supposed to foreshadow events from books 6 and 7, because of which they were actually shot I guess that MW should visit the numerous HP sites even more to find out actual facts of HP. (e.g. www.mugglenet.com , www.hpana.com , www.thepotterprofile.com)."

Well, you do make a point…several points. I went and saw it on big screen, and I have to agree that the special effects were superb, and this movie was funnier than the last two, but still, they spent more time on the bus ride than in the Defense Against Dark Arts classes.

Anyway, the book will always be cooler. Which reminds me…what do Lord of the Rings (LOTR) fans think of the trilogy being turned into movies? Those movies also made a killing at the box office. Were you people happy with them? Write in and let me know!

Send your polls, opinions, and queries to thegirlnextdoor1@hotmail.com
By The Girl Next Door


Aries (March 21- April 19): This is your unlucky week. However, there is a way to prevent yourself anything from going wrong. All you have to do is stand on one foot on the Rampura Bridge grabbing your left ear with the other foot. Remain in that position until a rickshawalla wearing a yellow shirt stops in front of you, rolls around on the road and eventually dies of laughter (literally).

Taurus (April 20- May 20): Don't look like your parents right? Well this week we found out why. You are the product of your neighbour's son's father-in-law's daughter's friend's cousin who secretly got married to your uncle's second wife's brother's daughter's half sister. Since you don't see the connection, we suggest you to go and kill your neighbour's dog because that darn German Shepherd knew about this all along!

Gemini (May 21- June 21): We have a surprise for you this week! That's right, you are going to find your long lost identical twin sister. Even if you are a boy, you are going to find your "identical" twin sister! If your parents disagree with this, then tell them that you will commit suicide if they don't bring your twin sister right now. Instantly they will drag in anyone from the streets who will look just like you.

Cancer (June 22- July 22): you know that you have cancer. We told you that last week, but know what? You're not dead yet! The moon rays tell us that you will die this week but we are not quite sure what your funeral is going to be like yet so we will let you know on that next week.

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22): Paying too much attention on the rings that surrounds Saturn; we forgot to see your astrology this week. So, we are not sure about your luck. Nevertheless, only a lion understands a lion better and can actually be helpful in determining the other's faith. Hence, go to the zoo in Mirpur and lock yourself up with a lion. If you come out alive within 24 hours then you are lucky. If not then you are unlucky.

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22): Be careful. We are positive that The Girl Next Door is coming to your house this week. If you are a boy, we suggest that you read and memories all the Harry Potter books and understand exactly why "The Prisoner Of Azkaban" movie is such a disaster (or else she will start biting you). If you are a girl then hide your boyfriend and make sure she drinks ten cans of Shark "energy drink". Trust us, that's the only thing that will send the girl back next door!

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): That does it! It's time to get what you really want. No more backing out and listening to what the adults have to say. No more regretting your hopes and dreams. Go and join that animal circus! Our blessings go with you.

Scorpio (Oct. 24- Nov. 21): Notice how your hair didn't grow the slightest bit within the last five minutes? You have tried it all from garlic paste, ginger paste, eggs to even beguner paste. There's literally nothing left for you to eat anymore right? Well it's time for you to shave your head. That's right, shave it all off! Let in some air, light and water into your hair roots and watch the miracle of hair growth within seconds.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22- Dec. 21): Animal lover right? Dying to get some attention from him/her? Well this week s/he will give you the attention of your life! However there is something you will have to do in order to achieve this. Put on a dog collar and spray on some flea spray used on dogs. Get on your hands and knees and run like crazy in his/her backyard! If that doesn't work, nothing will.

Capricorn (Dec. 22- Jan. 20): This will be a stressful week for you. In order to cool yourself, it is important for you to stand in the middle of the road and copy some of the songs and dance steps from any Bengali ads. Soon you will be showered with tomatoes, kathals, aamras, spit, and if lucky even ice creams by the public because of the unbearable noise that you will create. Within half an hour you should feel cool from head to toe!

Aquarius (Jan. 21- Feb. 19): To hell with those people who have been trying to teach you how to swim. You are a born swimmer! It's your duty to teach others how to swim properly. Therefore, to prove your point, take with you a ladder that's 2592.23 feet high, climb it and as soon as you reach the top jump off the ladder and into Gulshan lake. Only a professional like yourself will come out of that alive so prove your point dear!

Pisces (Feb. 20- March 20): Dying to join the RS team? Well, for the whole week we recommend you to take two paracetamols after going to sleep at night and two paracetamols before waking up in the morning. Once you have completed the dose, the RS team will gladly welcome you. Good luck!
By Shayera Moula


home | Issues | The Daily Star Home

© 2003 The Daily Star