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Thought of the week:
"If you can't be a good example, then you'll
Just have to be a horrible
~ Catherine Aird ~


You can't turn on the news or look at a newspaper without hearing the latest on the flood situation. In fact, even those of you who stay dosh haat durey from anything newsy, can't help but be aware of the situation every time you step out of your homes.

Indeed, the deluge that's swamping the country right now has left us in a sorry state of affairs. While we wade through the smelly waters, some other Dhakaites are fighting to save their drinking water. People in the rural areas have lost not only their homes, but also with the crops destroyed, they have a lean patch ahead of them, and if this is not bad enough, diseases like diarrhoea and cholera are already on the rise. When it rains, it really pours.

As concerned as I am about the situation, I can't help but wonder whether everyone is actually suffering as much as the hype goes. You hear regular reports about how some crafty moneymakers are making a quick buck by extorting money in the name of collecting relief funds. Not all the money you send for relief actually makes it to those who need them. Some of it, in fact quite a large portion of it is squirreled away into the pockets of someone who's probably laughing his dishonest derriere off at having made light of someone's problems.

Every time I leave home, armed to the teeth to wade through evil-smelling waters to reach my workplace, I have to pass through a makeshift slum that's sprung up on the pavements overnight. You see the broken thatched houses, the inundated buildings, and the hopeless faces in the news? You won't find that here, no sirree. It's like a carnival out of a Dickens novel, with little shanty-houses built from fresh tarpaulin, sophisticated latrines, and what not. The 'flood victims' here spend the whole day sitting on those wooden benches, singing merrily, enjoying free meals of khichuri thrice a day that's being doled out by relief-workers. Yesterday, I saw three young children learning how to ride a bike. The rickshaws are lined up in gleaming rows against the walls, and if you want to catch one to cross a flooded road that's inaccessible by car, the rickshaw-pullers will simply laugh in your face. Don't believe me? Just come to Gulshan and you'll see for yourself.

I'm sure many of you out there have your own tales about the flood. If you'd like to share your experience with us, please feel free to write in. Till our next tete-a-tete, take care, and stay dry!
Send your polls, opinions, and queries to thegirlnextdoor1@hotmail.com or teteatete_tgnd@yahoo.com
By The Girl Next Door

Ways to tell your exthat you’re over
(when you're really not)

Talk really loud when s/he's around. Make sure each of your conversation has the word 'hot' describing someone of the opposite sex.
Take extra measures to look good around him/her.
Flirt with every available member of the opposite sex (and get badly rejected each time).
Laugh unnecessarily like a hyena at jokes that are not funny just to show your ex that you can be happy without him/her.
Smoke in pubic to show how 'cool' and detached you are.
Use an excessive amount of swear words in front of him/her, once again to show that you've graduated to the next level of coolness.
Spread rumours about how you're trying stuff that are dangerous enough to put you into rehab.
Forbid all your friends to talk to your ex in an attempt to make your ex friendless.
Go around telling random people, 'I never loved him/her'.
Pretend to have become a player when everyone knows that you're still a 'chhakafied' Devdas.
Try to be over-friendly with the people s/he hates to make your ex jealous.
Wear a fake look of indifference when your ex is around, which is as see-through as your sandwich wrapper.
Try out the most absurd ways to grab your ex's attention. Examples include driving like a blind man in front of your ex with some obscene song blaring from the car stereo.
Become desperate to have company around you all the time to imply to your ex how popular you are, when s/he really knows better.
Imagine how jealous your ex will be when you show up at a concert with someone of the opposite sex, even if that someone is only your cousin.
Start referring to your ex with foul names, foolishly believing that it will fool the others.
If you're a guy, use the word 'chick' to refer to every other girl you know. Once again, this shows how insignificant the female species is to you.
Tell your whole, pathetic so-called love story to strangers you know for 5 minutes, hoping to earn some sympathy.
Hold a solitary ceremony tearing and burning all the cards and letters your ex was moronic enough to give you.

By Miss Exasperated

...In a Bengali wedding

The bride and the groom have this preconceived notion that they must arrive late for their own wedding.
- The female guests wear tons and tons of glittering jewelries whose dazzle can blind anyone who looks at them. They also apply infinite layers of makeup which inevitably melt and trickle down their faces (believe me its one of the most repulsive sights in the world).
-Even a bride having the darkest of complexions is transformed into a fair maiden ( and in most cases: into a freaking white zombie) thanks to heavy make up.
-When food is served, people forget all their table manners. They pounce on the food, gobble it down making peculiar noises and after the meal, most of people belch loudly as possible. Indeed, the gorillas in Mirpur zoo would be able to display better table manners than some of the guests
-The annoying cameramen are always around to flash bright lights and video people when they are dining.
-At the wash basins, the male guests spend an eternity gurgling and brushing their teeth with their fingers making horrendous noises in the Process.

By The Anonymous Rambler

Life isn't fair when…

1.You are watching a harmless show on Star World, and the Baywatch ad (you know, the one with the awful Opera music) is abruptly aired just when your parents come near the TV.
2.You are dining at a formal restaurant when your coke spills and wets the part of your pant, which you DON'T want to be wet.
3.You comb your hair attire yourself in your best clothes and go to a wedding party only to find out that you left your fly open.
4.In a restaurant, you spot your school's sixty-year-old principal with one of his girlfriends on the day he suspended you for holding your girlfriend's hand.
5.You spray aerosol on your body thinking it was deodorant.
6.Of all the places in the world, your pet cat always poops on your bed.
7.Load shedding always occurs when you are using the toilet.
8.Your dog licks you after it drank from the commode, feasted on some dead rats and devoured some garbage.
9.You go out for a walk on a beautiful morning only to be bombed by crows and within minutes find yourself covered in crow poop.
10.You stay up half the night to watch Sex and the City on HBO but instead they air Babe: Pig in the City.

By Incognito


(The following Horror-scope was written for your reading pleasure and therefore should be taken as a form of amusement. Hence, some of the following stunts (?) should not be tried at home.)

Aries (March 21- April 19): Wondering why that man (double your age) keeps staring at you? Even if you happen to be a boy? Since Pluto's rays take ten years to reach us, we finally found the answer to your question. You are apparently a clone of this man and he is still wondering why you don't look anything like him.

Taurus (April 20- May 20): We guarantee that you will find the love of your life this week. For the girls, he will be tall, dark, handsome and rich and as for the guys, she will be tall, fair, slim and rich. Now all you have to do is print some ads saying that you're looking for either a tall, dark, handsome and rich guy or a tall, fair, slim and rich girl. Oh and don't forget to mention that you yourself fall in the same category.

Gemini (May 21- June 21): We were told that you have holes in your socks. You are probably checking them right now and saying no, but seriously you do. There is no way that you can disagree with us! We are never wrong about these things. Let's just face the "spiritual" facts here. If you don't have holes in your socks, how do you put them on?

Cancer (June 22- July 22): So what really happened to those cookies Little Red Riding Hood took to Grannys? Well we know for sure that when the big bad wolf was showing his large teeth to the frightened girl, he didn’t have time to keep an eye on those cookies. Since we never really hear about those cookies again, we assume that it was sent over to your house and you had some yourself. Know how we know that? Wipe the crumbs off your face, you greedy ghoul!

Leo (July 23- Aug. 22): This week you go on a diet. No wait, there's Aunt Rima's wedding anniversary on Monday. You can't say no to her delicacies. There's your best friend's Birthday on Tuesday. You must not disappoint him/her. There's your ex-boyfriend's twin cousin's mother's fifth marriage on Wednesday. There's…
oh forget it. The sunrays are sick of following you around. Go and get fat, we don't care.

Virgo (Aug. 23- Sept. 22): You might struggle financially this week. There is a way to make easy money though. First, try to fit yourself into the smallest and tiniest pieces of garments possible (if desperate then you can do the following without wearing anything), step outside and start playing kabadi by yourself. Very soon, even beggars will shower you with money out of sympathy for your craziness.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): You hate the idea of video games. You don't see the point of numbing your fingers then ending up starting the game all over again. In other words, you wouldn't mind killing Niloy, but know what? He works for RS so he's practically brain dead. We suggest that you leave him alone. Nevertheless, we encourage you to go ahead and burn down all the video game stores around Dhaka this week

Scorpio (Oct. 24- Nov. 21): Short? Chubby? Dark? Oily hair? Smiling at the sound of "more milk on the way"? Just as we thought, you are starting to look like the neighbourhood milkman. It's time to get yourself a plastic surgery and go live with Michael Jackson. He loves kids.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22- Dec. 21): It's time to teach your mother a few things about cooking this week! Show her some easy ways to satisfy everyone at dinner. Actually it's only a three-step process. Step into a restaurant, order the meal and eat!

Capricorn (Dec. 22- Jan. 20): We understand that the "special" someone in your life has been ignoring you for a while. Apparently you are too dull and need to spice yourself up a little bit. Well here's the solution. Take 14 green chillies, 16(dry) red chillies and 4 tsp of chilli powder and grind it together. Stand in front of him/her and consume the whole mixture you have just made. The result should show him/her just how spicy you can be.

Aquarius (Jan. 21- Feb. 19): We believe that you are losing your sense of directions and can't seem to find your way about places. Listen carefully because we have the remedy. Step outside your house. Take twenty steps forward, five to the right, ten to the right again, ten steps forward and five to the right again. If you have worked it out and seem to still be standing on the road somewhere then you're not losing any sense of direction, you're losing your brain as a whole.

Pisces (Feb. 20- March 20): Can't decide which transportation to take this week? Well go and stand in the middle of the road and yell at the top of your voice saying "Oii, you crazy cows! You cant drive or anything, yet you act like you own the roads you beef balls!" Immediately either a Rickshaw, a CNG, a taxi or a bus will try to run over you. So we recommend you "NOT" to take whatever it is that hit you first.

By Shayera Moula




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