neighbours are not the most decent of people. In fact they are light
years away from minimal decency expected from civilised beings. They
are definitely one of the most irksome, not to mention bizarre bunch
of people on earth. Let me clarify the statement:
Most of my neighbours
who are of my age are irksome to the highest magnitude. I am often
bemused by their sheer arrogance, spitefulness and ostentatious attitude
with juxtaposing dumbness. As there are only a few people different
than their bunch in my neighbourhood and me being one, am perceived
with great curiosity.
They have the
notion that I am an alien or something and its probably due to the
fact that, I, unlike them DO NOT wear my trousers above my belly button,
use crude, not to mention incomprehensible Bengali slang, pronounce
Julius Caesar as Julius 'Kaisar'. You won't hear me listening to Ricky
Martin, nor do I think that Spice Girls are heavy metal. I don't whistle
at each and every girl that passes by me, or have an English accent
that resembles Kitchen Zulu (a type of broken English developed by
some African tribes), or ramble about how difficult SSCs and HSCs
are (almost nine thousand people got GPA 5 for God's sake!) and how
horrendously easy O levels and A levels are. I don't talk about politics,
think that the only use the Internet can be put to is to search for
explicit sites or think that Baywatch is the best TV serial ever.
They find it their
duty to remind me that I am a 'loser' as Il, cannot memorize a 500
pg mathematics book and have no talent in cricket! I however find
it my duty to inform them that they are nothing but a bunch of prattling
dilettantes; brainless quacks who suffer from serious inferiority
complex. I do so by just ignoring them when they ramble such nonsense!
I happen to have
a pet Alsatian and recently some of my neighbours formed a dog-hating
cult! Basically they make up tall tales that my dog is a man-eater
and tried to eat their kids (can't blame my dog for doing so as some
of those obnoxious little brats justify why some animals eat their
young!) and so we cannot keep him.
The leader of
the cult is an elderly gentleman, Mr. X, who always chooses to take
his nightly stroll just when I take my dog out for his walk, so that
he can audibly mutter under his breath that dogs are 'napak', and
its dangerous to keep mad dogs inside the house etc.
my dog, normally an extremely innocuous creature that wouldn't hurt
a fly, always fancied to nip one of Mr. X's pudgy legs. So one day
I was walking my dog and Mr. X as usual was grumbling gibberish under
his breath when suddenly, my dog's leash snapped! My dog charged at
Mr. X, baring his sharp teeth and snapping his jaw.
I made absolutely
no attempt to stop my dog and Mr. X stood there, petrified. He was
frozen with fear for a moment and then with a speed greater than that
of an Olympic sprinter, he ran off, yelling at the top of his voice.
He didn't realise that the white piece of cloth hanging from my dog's
mouth was his 'lungi', and he ran away without it. Boy! He wasn't
too happy when I went over to his house to return his tattered 'lungi,'
with an evil smirk on my face! Our neighbourhood is very well lighted
and unfortunately all the neighbours saw what they shouldn't have
seen that night!
And then, there
is one neighbour of mine who always smells of fish! In fact it's impossible
to go near him because he smells so horrible. He has the habit of
buying a big Hilsha fish every morning and carrying it on his lap,
and on his way up to his flat, cradling it and stroking it! He sometimes
even whispers to the dead fish! It's kinda disturbing when you come
to think of it!
Of course, I am
not implying that all my neighbours are weird and irksome. Some of
them, a very few, are in fact extremely decent people. But since the
majority of them are otherwise, it's obvious that I carry a general
loathing towards my neighbours and perceive them with great contempt.
Ironically, I do not want my neighbours to abruptly change and become
Tibetan Monks or something.
it's quite enjoyable to witness their acts of extreme idiosyncrasies.
But I do hope that the boys in my neighbourhood would get a life!
article is a work of fiction (well, almost!). The opinions expressed
in the article may be biased and belong solely to the writer. Readers
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