The week in re(ar)view
Money cannot directly buy happiness. It does so indirectly through the purchase of PS3, fast cars, ice cream parlours, membership of pimple reduction spa etc. Hence money DOES buy happiness. It's simple math. Heck, money can also make mathematicians agree the previous philosophical statement was math.
If you check out the back page of the 1st January issue you will see this huge cow posing for the camera like a shy superstar. Shy because the cow itself is embarrassed at the asking price of 5 lakhs.
Food drive starts
Last week the anti food adulteration drive started again. Already the magistrates have been filling up the government treasury with oh-so-sweet fines. People still do not learn. Would it cost all that much to properly wash the utensils? Maybe they use imported water so cannot afford to use too much for washing.
Our Resident Conspiracy Theorist (RCT) has something to say on this matter: We should thank the food vendors who serve us such terrible food. It helps us to develop amazing stomachs that can handle anything. It is said that in the event of a nuclear disaster the only living creatures will be cockroaches. Now you can add Bangladeshis to the list.
Money to be pilfered
27 December there was a report about plans to modernize the police force. Seems Japan is interested in funding Bangldesh with a cool 81 crore taka. Part of the plans include building a digital forensic lab. Let's hope they are simply not buying a digital walk clock and removing the old analog unit. It's a good move as the customary method of preserving evidence by hanging on a tree outside is not a very good idea.
The first phase of the modernization will include a 27 crore taka computerization of 25 police stations. There was no detail of the extent of the project but we guess 25 crores can easily be used up to buy 25 computers. Each will come loaded with a pirated version of Unreal Tournament to help cops practice their shooting skills.
Even gas dries up
A 31st December report stated that experts fear that the countries gas reserves will dry up around 2011. Add to that the fact that our rivers are being filled up, trees are being cut down and air is being severely polluted by poorly repaired automobile engines. This country could be a great setting for another exciting episode of the game show Survivor. Participants will have to fight to the death for drinking water (never mind bathing) and gas to cook food with. Hey, we are already doing that.
By Gokhra and Mood Dude
Mood Dude's ad corner
The Chikamukha Japanese Charukola Institute of Dhaka University is looking for a dynamic, progressive, compliant individual to fill the much-needed position of Pseudo Brush Interpretative Executive. It's a big title meaning very little. The applicant will be required to be at one with a brush. In other words the person has to imitate a painting brush just like in the picture below. This position is available because we cannot purchase new brushes.
The previous executive had to leave this coveted position due to sudden, inexplicable baldness. Salary is negotiable in the sense that you negotiate and we do not listen. This will be a learning experience in the difficulties of life. Also you will be given a totally new perspective on life………….an upside down one that is.
Requirements: A full head of hair preferably real.
Fringe benefits: Copious amounts of tea brought to the executive courtesy of Mollar Dokan Tea Stall. Also you will be given one packet of shampoo every week.
Contact: Send applications and money to email@example.com
By Adnan M. S. Fakir
You know you are a university applicant when
♣ You chew off half of your pen trying to figure out the 'particular reasons for applying' to your 'dream' college.
♣ There are more sheets of paper in your room than the hair on your scalp.
♣ You know Colgate is not only the name of toothpaste.
♣ You wonder if talking in the phone for hours and playing pool falls under extra curricular activities.
♣ Half of your conversations contain words such as SAT scores, recommendations, and deadlines.
♣ You love listening to stories of elder bhaiyas and apus who have made it to Ivy leagues with 95% aid.
♣ For the first time in your life you regret not to have tried harder for your grades.
By Tausif Salim
Hiding with your tears, shining with your smile
Behind the clouds, somewhere its there, the sun is hiding
But the reason is not what we think, yet to be known,
They think it's the tears, but it's not because they are crying,
And then it comes out, not because they stopped crying,
It's always the way it has always has been,
But it will be always the same, and like the sun,
Some will be shining, and as it goes behind the clouds again,
With the doors locked, they will still keep on crying..
And it's for you when you feel that way,
There will not be someone with you, now that you are away,
So when the sun is hiding, don't forget to read this mail,
Whenever you feel the pain,
That's because then that someone wants you to feel well,
And wants to be with you, by only one possible way,
As it remains unknown how long you will be away, and so
Share with me, and let me hold you, in these words and this mail..
But it comes out, and so let me know that you are smiling,
As with your smile, the sun once again starts shining,
Never forget that there is that someone waiting to hear,
Not only what he always wanted to hear, but it's the smile,
For which are the presence of all these words,
So just scroll down and search for it, read it once more,
But not for the last time, since it's about being with you,
Because it's about waiting, without knocking at the door...
And as the sun sets everyday, someone is still there,
Watching the sun and waiting for what he always wanted,
Your presence to be in his way someday,
I will be always that someone with all these words,
And that's because those lines you always loved:
To the world you may be someone but to someone,
You may be the whole world....
Making our cake and eating it too
What happened to last weeks cover picture? I know it was a cake but it seems someone took a bite out of it before it reached the readers.
We are already feeling the love of your pins and needles in our journalistic keyboard tapping fingers. As a result half our centre page had to remain empty only top be filled by an ad.
PS: Your father can send the PS2 to us.
Adnan Fakirs article on internship opportunities was very informative and rather disheartening. Big name place like Grameen and BRAC should not be so cheap as to make interns work without any pay whatsoever. As is common all over the world interns are made to work like dogs. I know because I was one. Sadly, dogs don't get paid.