The week in re(ar)view
It's all about the money. Everything is all about the money. Even money is all about the money. The only ones who do not are about the money are the cows who obliviously chew grass all day. These days grass also costs money. Of course, all these cows have given their lives to a noble cause a week ago. Yes, it is the noble cause of feeding and clothing humans. In other words the cows died to make money for humans. It is a vicious circle that cannot be shaken off.
As usual during Qurbani Eid cows were slaughtered left right and centre with the emphasis on centre. People spilled the blood right in the middle of the street so that they don't get any blood spatters on their boundary walls. It was a devastating war zone with carcasses lying all over. Every side street was blocked with dead animals I the middle of the road. The movie society of Bangladesh missed a great opportunity to create the first local zombie movie with minimal costs. All the props were just lying there for the taking.
Other Eid related casualties included a large umber of traffic mishaps occurring mainly because of the dense fog on the highways. It was reported that many of the buses were driven by the inexperienced helpers who easily lost control.
How to do jihad in five easy steps
These guys do not know how to take a break. If only the rest of the people were as industrious then Bangladesh would not have been numero uno in corruption for 5 years running. We could have been on top for 10 years at least. Oh well, there is still the future to look forward to.
First up, we're trying out a new section called BoyCott, in the centre, for all the girls out there who are dying for some artsy, fun girl stuff. Keep your eyes peeled as we bring you tons of fun quizzes, celeb gossip, DIY tips and tricks, and loads more!
Looking ahead, we're planning to make February the hottest month of the year, so we're running a couple of contests for Valentine's Day.
The first is Valentine 800…that's right. If you've got a love story you want to share, please send it our way at email@example.com . The word limit, as you can guess, is 800 words.
For Anti-Valentine people, we're also having a V-spoof contest. You can send in a '10 reasons why Valentine's Day sucks” list, or you can send us your own Anti-Valentine story within 500 words.
Finally, for the lovebirds, we're going to have a special edition of Shout Out…with a twist. This section is for Love Limericks…that is, your dedications should be in the form of limericks. For the uninformed, a limerick is a four-line poem made from rhyming couplets. Here's an example:
Go on, be creative! We'll be waiting to hear from you. The submission deadline is Thursday, February 2, 2005.
Send your love letters, hate mail, queries and suggestions to firstname.lastname@example.org
Just how dumb are you quiz
1. What do you put in a toaster?
2. Say "silk" five times. Now spell "silk". What do cows drink?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said "milk", please do not attempt the next question. Your brain is obviously overstressed and may even overheat. It may be that you need to content yourself with reading something more appropriate such ! as "Children's World". If you said, "water" then proceed to question three.
3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a greenhouse made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said "green bricks", what the heck are you still doing here reading these questions? If you said "glass", then go on to question four.
4. Twenty years ago, a plane is flying at 20,000 feet over Germany. If you will recall, Germany at the time was politically divided into West Germany and East Germany. Anyway, during the flight, TWO of the engines fail. The pilot, realizing that the last remaining engine is also failing, decides on a crash landing procedure. Unfortunately the engine fails before he has time and the plane crashes smack in the middle of "no man's land" between East Germany and West Germany. Where would you bury!
the survivors - East Germany or West Germany or in "no man's land"?
Answer: You don't, of course, bury survivors. If you said ANYTHING else, you are a real dunce and you must NEVER try to rescue anyone from a plane crash. Your efforts would not be appreciated. If you said, "Don't bury the survivors" then proceed to the next question.
5. If the hour hand on a clock moves 1/60th of a degree every minute then how many degrees will the hour hand move in one hour?
Answer: One degree. If you said "360 degrees" or anything other than "one degree", you are to be congratulated on getting this far, but you are obviously out of your league. Turn your pencil in and exit the room. Everyone else proceed to the final question.
6. Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, th! ree people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. What was the name of the bus driver?
Answer: Oh, for heaven sake! It was YOU, Read the first line!!
Wake up the sun
By Tahsin Hyder
Mood Dudes ad corner
Wanted: Lab assistant for Bangladesh Super Hero Development Society
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