The week in re(ar)view
Terror has a new name
The Resident Conspiracy Theorist (RCT): “Heed this warning. A day will come when you have to carry license and all necessary documents to show to mobile court not for your car or bike but for your mobile phone SIM/RIM card. Then I can say I told you so.”
By Gokhra and Mood Dude
I'd also like to remind you that there are a couple Valentine's Day contests going on, so please send in your entries.
There's the Valentine 800, which is a love story of 800 words. There's the V-Spoof, which is a Valentine parody of 500 words. You can send in your “10 reasons why V-day sucks” lists (but go easy on the obscenity!), and you can also dedicate Love Limericks (four-line poem of rhyming couplets) to your loved one.
I made a little boo-boo. The mailto addy for the entries is firstname.lastname@example.org . Those of you who have already sent it to the gmail address or to me, don't worry. I'll play messenger and forward it to the right place.
Finally, the new Boycott section is still under construction, so if you're missing it this week, don't worry, they'll be back with lots of girly goodies. We'd also like feedback on what you'd like to see in this section, so do the Aguilera and tell us 'what a girl wants'. Okay, okay, I'll shut up now.
Send your polls, opinions and comments to: email@example.com
The things people did on the 31st
The title may have suggested what this article is all about, so I won't be wasting your and my time with an introduction. Let's just plunge on.
Gamer at 12 AM: Have to win this race…Have to blow the boss…have to complete this mission (at this point he becomes vaguely aware of the music and screams coming from outside) …Feeling groggy, been playing for twelve hours flat…must win race…
Band Crazed Idiot at 12 AM: Hmmm…if I twist the lyrics up a bit, will people notice that I'm a plagiarist…will they notice that I stole tunes from that song…maybe if I add a drum solo it'll count as a remix… (doesn't even notice the firecrackers crackling outside)
Bookworm at 12 AM: Finally! Finished the Sheldon, now for the Cussler, then, hopefully I'll be able to start the King by dawn. Darn it! Can't they cheer somewhere else! (Looks out of window) Idiotic people, what do they find so joyful about tonight?
14-year-old teen at 12 AM: Hmm… do I dare to turn the TV on? Do I dare to put on HBO and watch Afterdark? Do I dare to turn the DVD player on? Do I dare to play “that” CD? (Furtively glances around him, as he sets up the DVD player. Doesn't notice anything)
Lovebird at 12 AM: I wonder why he hasn't called yet… Maybe he's forgotten me! Oh God maybe there's some one else! Maybe it's that cow from accounting class. I just knew she was hitting on him when she came wearing that glittery dress! (Frantically scrabbles for the cell phone, too busy dialing the number to care about the celebrations taking place outside) Oh! His number's busy! I just knew it!
Evil Maniac devising his next attack on the neighbor's dog at 12 AM: If I bunk the last period and come home early, then the damn dog won't be expecting it! I'll be able to give a good hearty kick up its hairy ***! The twitchy bastard will run home squealing! HA! HA! HA! (Doesn't notice the people dancing at all, due to his insane laughter)
Wanna-be Poet at 12 AM: “And from the ashes rose…” No… That can't be right… “Denied comfort, the swaying roses tired…” No, this isn't right either… Maybe if I re arrange the first few lines, the accursed thing will rhyme! (Starts ripping up the poem in frustration. Doesn't notice the things happening outside due to his poetic endeavors)
Nerd at 12 AM: And the answer is 120665.Close balance sheet. Now for chemistry… Paper 1…Name the following… CH4…methane…KCLO3 potassium chlorate… (Wakes up at dawn to realize that he's fallen asleep! God! He didn't even finish the physics paper! Doesn't even glance at the calendar)
All night talkers at 12 AM: Must talk! Must talk! Ah! Finally midnight! Now I can babble nonchalantly about nothing for hours, maybe till dawn! 1st call duration: 2 hours 47 minutes 29 seconds… 2nd call duration: 1 hour 25 minutes 17 seconds…(Who cares what people are doing, lets just chat till eternity!!)
Militants at 12 AM: Now I connect the green wire with the black one and eureka! A bomb I give you! Umm… How do you stop the timer? Why is that little light blinking? Where's my manual? Ah…” Never connect the green wire with the black one, if you do, then dude, you'd better scram!” (Doesn't notice much because he's sweating it out with the bomb)
RAB at 12 AM: Hey you think wearing shades at night makes me look stupid? No? But, what about the bandana? Why are we supposed to wear them? Psst… hey, we've been standing guard here for hours now, maybe we could just crossfire that kid over there and tell people that he's a wanted criminal. Huh, huh, what'd you think?
Normal People at 12 AM: Who the hell woke me up with that SMS. Oh it's New Year! Hmm…Must start sending SMSs to let's see…(Spends hours sending and receiving SMSs, then goes to sleep)
Mood Dude's ad corner
Optional equipment include cup holder with half full (or half empty) cup of water with the liquid provided at no extra cost.
Send offers to firstname.lastname@example.org and please place the zeroes on the cheque before the actual digit.
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