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The week in re(ar)view
Why cheat when you can pay your way through

 

Do you know the times when florists here in Bangladesh make the most money? You might answer Valentines Day since it passed just two days ago. We'd say it is Pahela Falgun cause that too passed around the same time. When these two occasions fall on the same day, flower sellers make enough money to light their cigarettes with rolled up monopoly money.

A driving license that speaks to you
February 3, Bangladesh Road Transport Authority (BRTA) has decided to issue new high tech driving licenses with the aid of Pakistan National Database Registration Authority (PNDRA). A few days ago there was a report that stated about half the licenses in circulation are fake. Who would want to get a real thing when frankly the fake license looks brighter, crisper and has a sharper picture of the driver?

So far there have been no speculations about what the new license will be like. Speculations include a special Harry Potter version where the picture on the card speaks, waves and dances special moves that only the true owner of the card knows. Also there is a special voodoo version where if you poke the picture on the card the real owner cries out in pain. Of course if the driver in front of you does not scream out then it's a fake. A lot of people may end up screaming for no apparent reason for this.
By the way, laminated license in circulation are still valid.

Nothing is safe
Thieves in Bangladesh will not leave anything alone. You leave it out in the open it just a gilded invitation. You leave it in the ground buried it's still not safe. Bodies get dug out of the ground and now even telephone wires are not safe from this assault. 2 February, Chittagong telelink was snapped for 11 hours as thieves tried to steal underground electric cables.

Teletapping 101
31 January, while we are still on the topic of telephones the cabinet has okayed teletapping in the interest of national security. Apparently. We fear a lot of arrests will be made as victims will be very easy to choose. As a result we have decided to publish a pamphlet on how to avoid being tele-persecuted. One cardinal rule is to keep mentioning how much you love the government, RAB, army, ministers etc every 5 minutes. The more you say so the better your chance of surviving the phone wars.

Life in a rush
3 February, an alleged arms smuggler died in an encounter with the black bandana wearing kind. Yes, it's yet another RAB shootout. The RAB team rushed to Shahbazpur after getting information of smugglers. The smugglers sensed RAB presence and rushed out with guns blazing. Bullets rushed out of barrels and in the process one smuggler rushed off the surface of this mortal planet. Life does not pass by in a flash, it allegedly passes by in a rush.

By Gokhra and Mood Dude


10 reasons why valentines day sucks

It is the only day of the year when you can't send your girlfriend SMS because of network jam.
On this day, your friends forget they have a male friend too.
This day gives your girlfriend an opportunity to slim your wallet.
On this day, you can't use Rising Star as your toilet paper as your love struck sister holds it close to her heart as her boyfriend has a love limerick for her.
It is the only day of the year when your mother keeps you locked in the house and gives you a suspicious look when a phone call comes.
It is the most likely day to be bombed by love from JMB.
It is probably the only day when you don't find a single flower remaining in your garden.
For nerds, it is the ultimate day for them to fall in love with loneliness, as people no longer require your love potion theory.
It is the only day when you don't see the love machine with arrows, as it a time for the poor little Cupid to change his diapers. It's his holiday! People can spontaneously change into lovebirds without him.
It is the most likely day you see effective collision practically, which your chemistry teacher has made you understand so far only theoretically in the collision theory. Thus, you finally understand how ineffective your collision was.
By Nayeem Islam


Hello, hello
It's been one, crazy, busy week at RS. We've had the contest entries pouring in, and a mad melee of selection at hand. On the other, as anyone who's been reading the DS would know about our fifteen anniversary festivities. The office has been a mad medley of activity, and we've been perambulating like boats in a whirlpool.

I believe the GCE exams should be over by now (am I out of it or what?). Good luck to all the candidates who joined in the battle. Since this is the time of the year when I dispense with unasked-for grandmotherly advice regarding the next step, please bear with me. This time I'll spare you the usual O level-people-start-thinking-about-A levels-and A level-people-start-looking-up-colleges spiel that you'll be hearing from your teachers and family anyway.

This year, I faced a lot of hassles editing people's college essays, so I'd really, really recommend that once you're done with your exams, please start work on your essays, whether you're planning to apply right away or not. Practise a few sample essays, get feedback from your teachers, or anyone who's qualified to give you an honest opinion. If you've enrolled in those SAT/IELT's programmes, then you've got half the work done for you.

I'll sign off here now. We'll be starting up forum debates from next week, so till then, take care!

Send your polls, opinions and comments to: teteatete_tgnd@yahoo.com
By Girl the next door


Joke#1
A newly wedded wife complained to her husband,'Why do you keep on saying things like "my drawer", "my work", "my books", etc, etc? Now that we are married, whatever is yours is mine and whatever is mine is yours.'
A few minutes later when the husband was going to take a shower, he asked his wife,' Honey ,did you see our underwear any wear? I cannot find it!'

Joke#2
A love letter example:
Dearest John,
No words could ever express the great unhappiness I've felt since breaking our engagement. Please say you'll take me back. No one could ever take your place in my heart, so please forgive me. I love you, I love you, I love you!
Yours forever
Marie
P.S. And congratulations on winning the state lottery!

Joke#3
The sign in a store window read: NO HELP WANTED. As two men passed by, one said to the other,"You should apply-you'd be great in there."
Sent by Sana


Love limericks

Errors
Rushing my thoughts to infinity
Creating nothing but chaos, showing insanity.
Losing my head, losing all my creativity.
Putting myself into a self-created hell.
Creating around me an invisible, non-existent shell.
My thoughts get diverted to only one person.
It's not surprising, because I know the reason.
Only my thoughts can reach her now.
I really want to be there. But I don't know how.
I hear 'Linkin Park' all day-long
I try to hide my sadness behind those songs.
I try to understand. I try to be realistic.
But everything's unreal. God! I need to be more optimistic!
I don't blame myself for that.
Because this world has driven me mad.
Everything I see everywhere is sad.
I could blame this world for doing that.
But it would make me far from being glad.
I've always heard nothing but 'No'.
I've done everything to get a 'Yes'
But still it was a no-show.
Damn! I love her so much.
But I have nothing to do- I only watch.
Two and half years- Does it sounds long?
After waiting for that long, you tell me I was wrong?
Crazy, insane, mad
There's nothing left to be said.
So it's now decided,
what I'll do.
But my heart is still divided
between yes and no.
In the end
I don't know what to do or what to show.
By Rush

Forbidden Siren
Like a tide of the seven seas
You come rushing to my conscience,
Like the verve of Zeus' thunder
You impede my thoughts,
Like an orchestra of hymns by whales and nymphs
You deplete my sorrow,
Like the strong scent of opium
You addict my love,
Like the lissome tenderness of the siren mermaid
You mesmerize my eyes,
Like the nostalgic rhythm of the fireflies
You invade my memories,
Like the silent waves cloistered in the sea shells
You remain in my heart,
Like the sun glowing down into the evening horizon
You blaze my love…
By Adnan M. S. Fakir

I am sorry
"Sorry" is the deepest feeling now that I can express to you,
Right on the time when you have started loving me too.
When last night you rang me up and opened your heart to me,
I cried and sniffed only because now you have to leave me.
My passport is ready-only the ticket is what I have to buy,
I am going to sydney soon but unfortunately you cannot cry.
I wish you would go on loving me like I would love you,
But that would be too much to expect for 'out of side, out of mind' is a phrase very true.
Your words last night would have cheered me up a few days ago,
But hearing it last night was for me a terrific blow.
I still go on dreaming romantically that our relationship would stay strong,
Internet is there to make sure that it would not go wrong.
I will be calling you tonight to bade you farewell forever,
However I hope you won't answer as I don't have the strength to speak to you ever.
I don't know about you but I cannot stop loving you,
I stil remember our seventy-seventh kiss when the teacher found us beside the loo.
"Sorry" is the deepest feeling now that I can express to you,
Right on the time when you have started loving me too.
By sana


 
 

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