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The week in re(ar)view

Conspiracy Theory
Bangladesh has a lot of things the people can be proud of. It has the longest beach and it has…..ummm, heh heh, that's about it. No wait, while other countries have hottest sports stars or gay boy bands Bangladesh has one of the hottest terrorist groups. Yep, we are talking about our infamously famous Jama atul Mujahedeen Bangladesh or better known as Jao Maro Bomb (JMB).

March 2 JMB chief Abdur Rahman was pinned down in Sylhet and after lots of threats, counter-threats and counter counter-threats he was brought down. Surprisingly he did not die in any freak act of nature like cross winds or crossfires. Nope, he is still alive. On 6 March JMB's poster boy/murderous maniac/top 100 male beard model 2004 winner Bangla Bhai has also been captured. In fact, people are so ecstatic that they have been skipping classes and offices just to hear the updates of the capture. Such excitement has never been seen since a woman ran trough the gallery in her birthday suit during the last FIFA World Cup match. People are so ecstatic that they are willing to go and blindly vote the present political party to another term at running the country.

According to our Resident Conspiracy Theorist (RCT): It's an amazingly lucky coincidence that the government has finally managed to capture so many top terrors. It's lucky because they have been trying for a long time. Just before the elections they managed to capture them gaining an upper hand over the opposition and winning public awe. Lucky, eh?

Leading children
Khaleda faces Hasina in JS after a gap of 19 months because they bang on tables, scream and say they won't play with each other. Sadly these are the two women who are supposed to run the country by working with each other. We guess the 19 month hiatus was required for getting their thoughts in order.

Forgotten promises
BNP led coalition government promised a long time ago that they would make sure all ministerial wealth would be disclose dot public. In four years it has not happened. But you can't really blame them. After all, ministers have so much wealth that getting a detailed account would take a long time. In fact an entire building would have to be created to store all the accounts files that detail the extent of their wealth. A whole building full of computers would have to be setup to store the data. For that ministers would ask for foreign aid most of which would go into their cumulative wealth. It's a vicious cycle of infinite wealth that can never be accounted for.

By Gokhra and Mood Dude


The Man's World Show

If you prefer testosterone-pumped men with their collective minds below their belts, you'll love “THE MAN'S WORLD SHOW” on AXN. Boys, for you it's a no-miss! Like those special uncles and big brothers, the hosts of the show Ash and Vijesh hands down to you the rites of manhood. This accompanies the finer points of being a man with his mature relationships i.e. how to chat up women, cheat on them and lastly, how to slickly escape tight spots when caught.

If you are a sensitive female, the topics ''researched'' in this show are downright infuriating. (make sure you don't allow your boyfriend to watch this show...it'll lead to mayhem for sure in the future) Last week's show was concerning Multiple Dating or MD (it's not cheating you hear!).

Here we learnt of the 6 vital rules of juggling women, of charming terms like LCM (Love Commitment Marriage); the evils men are to avoid at all cost. we learnt of the fascinating excuses to be used if caught kissing other women or caught checking them out. Our personal favorites are the break-up lines. Ever heard of the chewing gum theory? Stretch her till she breaks it off.

The Man's World Show comes outfitted with its own guest-sketch bearing Bollywood stars and starlets. Here, they come to promote their movies and give an insight to their own love life. Basically, the stars are doing a bit of advertising for their own selves. People, if you lean towards that stuff, you'll love this week's guest Amrita Arora who came to promote her new movie the “Fight Club”. From her risqué statements to her very-noticeably-fake angry exit, she generated her own limelight.

Also, there are the Gadget Gals with their barely veiled innuendos bearing, well, the gadgets the boys gotta have their toys!). This week it was the Nokia Smart Phones with useful features like PDA and touch screen.

Tips: they can be used as your very own black book!
Despite the show's warning to female viewers on how they shouldn't watch it, we encourage them to do so. However, if you are a feminist, this >show is bound to make you want to sue the producers of the show....as well as break the collar bones of the annoyingly arrogant hosts themselves.

We found watching the show to be an enlightening experience with the countdown number babes, 30-years old virgin and the old lipstick-on-the collar excuse. It basically provides the male species today with a ready library of pathetic means to ''get'' females in as many ways as possible. It not only lends you an insight on the male psyche but also allows you to intercept your guy in the act of pulling a fast one over you.

By Ferzeen Anis & Nabeela M. Maswood


News Flash

On the 23rd of February 2006, a dangerous, life threatening rally took place in Dhanmondi, Dhaka. Participants ranged from the age of 14 to 18, driving a variety of sporty-looking cars, namely Starlets and Toyotas with fire and dragon stickers pasted on the cars' bodies. Loud, ghastly sounds were reported to be erupting from the cars, one of the most common sounds being “jhalak dikhlaja”. Reportedly, the sounds made one onlooker shut his ears and run inside the nearest building, screaming in torture all the while. The race lasted for a total of 30 minutes, the rally being from the start to the end of Dhanmondi Road 12A at the peak hour for traffic jams, the maximum speed of the cars being a staggering 5 km/hour. Thankfully, no one was hurt in this dangerous teenage endeavor, although parents still pray for their kids to drive at a safer pace.

Reported by Fahmina Rahman


Book Review

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Under-evolved, anti-social aliens demolishing Earth so as to create a 'hyperspatial express route', exceptionally bad poetry being used as a weapon, a two-headed humanoid Galactic Emperor, and an intergalactic hitch-hiker planet-hopping in order to update the much-talked-about 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy'… From start to finish, Douglas Adam's adaptation of the popular radio series The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is one zany, crazy, laugh-your-butt-off read.

The story starts with average Earthling Arthur Dent waking up one morning to discover that the city council had decided to knock down his house and build a bypass on the spot. While Arthur registers this fact and goes out and lies down in the mud in front of the bulldozers to protest, way overhead, a fleet of Vorgon spaceships are beginning to accumulate. Their mission? To zap planet Earth off the galactic map and build an express route in its place.

Freaky coincidence? Well, the book is full of those things, not least of all that Arthur's closest friend, Ford Prefect, happens to be an alien journalist living incognito in London for the past fifteen years. With two minutes to spare till the end of the world as Arthur knows it, the alien 'fesses up and the pair manage to hitch a ride on one of the spaceships belonging to the very aliens responsible for more than just Arthur's house turning to dust. Thus begins an incredible adventure that takes the two all over the Universe, and leaves the reader of this story rolling on the floor laughing. This particular reader laughed so hard, she fell off the bed.

Aside from a totally insane plot, the narrator has spiced up the story with his droll narrative and added completely random inserts which some how find relevance to the overall story in ways that simply boggles the mind.

Okay, enough praise from me. If you haven't already read the book, go read it! I'll leave you with a quote from the book:

“There are of course many problems connected with life, of which some of the most popular are Why are people born? Why do they die? Why do they want to spend so much of the intervening time wearing digital watches?”

By Sabrina F Ahmad


 
 

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