The week in re(ar)view
Aussies send tech aid, we want more
We would like to point out that if we are given the software then Aussies will also have to give us computers to run the software. And then we will need electricity to run the computers for which someone will have to give us power plants. Then we will need more software and computers for running the power plant. Then we will need more power plants. In between we will need more software to track down the wealth of all the ministers who will be getting rich while the country gets all these software, computer and power plants.
The positive negative and the media monster
Sure there are positive things. Ministers in Bangladesh have better get-rich-quick schemes than ministers of other countries. Our militant fanatics have developed their terrorist skills despite having fast internet. And let's not forget we have been most corrupt 5 years running. That's achievement and development. All you have to do is see it in a positive light.
Note to future crooks, mobile court does not reduce in fact they increase the fines.
By Gokhra and Mood Dude
"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." --Jerry Seinfeld
"Help me, I've been mugged and beaten," he pleaded.
Ever Important 3 Envelopes
Three months down the track there is major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all.
He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook.
About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds.
Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes".
I asked, "are you going in for an estimate or are you going to get the work done?"
Armless Man in a Bar
The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.
The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?"
Before Frank could say anything, Mike said, "Instead of fighting over whose fault it was, why don't we just celebrate that we were able to come out alive?"
Frank said, "Yeah, good idea!"
Frank took the bottle and chugged half of it down. Then he wiped his mouth and handed the bottle over to Mike. "Here, you have some!"
Banned from Dhaka
Dhaka is now officially free of polythene bags and public smoking. Even then, the city dwellers find themselves in dire need of getting rid of a few more things:
1) Ringtones: I can't find a single corner in this city where I do not have to listen to these stupid ringtones. If 'kaata laga' was not enough, now they have started composing even Bangla cinema tunes. Picture the soundtrack of 'Mogbazaar er moga' blaring in the middle of Jumma speeches.
2) PDA: No, I'm not one of those tech-challenged gadget haters. PDA stands for Public Display of Affection, something that has come out of the golis and chipas into the staircases and roadsides. No matter how unavoidable it may seem for the couples, it is certainly very irritable for third parties. So all you tona-tunis out there, please take note!
3) Posters: From the scores of posters on my boundary wall, my house seems to be a madrasa, a coaching centre, and the home of some political 'Laltu bhai'. Talk about being under fire!
4) Stray dogs: Why did the trade minister have to go for something as complicated as frog legs, with readymade edible exports available on the streets? In the 1980's, the government of Libya had to put a ban on catching and killing dogs, as some foreigners were eating out the whole canine population to extinction. All we need to do now, is to find those foreigners...
5) Tele-tap-dancers: Forgive the idea of a flat joke, but in my opinion, this government's idea of teletapping, even rivals the stupid ideas of Mr. Bush. Picture bandana-tied-RAB people sitting up all night listening to mushy romantic dialogues. Who knows? At then end of the month they might gather enough experience to start writing romantic novels.
By Tausif Salim
A Bird's Tale
The bird looks on through the bars of its prison
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