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The week in re(ar)view

Chief Whip whips out whopping bill
March 14, Khandaker Delwar Hossain is a chief whip. For those who don't know what a Chief Whip is it's an official who enjoys privileges of a minister. He is entitled to 1 lakh taka for his livelihood. He has also been taking another 1 lakh each month since 2004 July for entertainment purpose. He says it's all cool. For those who THINK you know what a Chief Whip is, think again. It's a high official who figuratively whips the taxpayers to pay for his enjoyment.

Teens easily brainwashed
According to a source close to JMB teenagers make better militants as they learn faster and are better skilled. A report on March 16 stated that militants have found teenagers easy to brainwash.

Most of the captured terrorists are aged between 18-20. All you teens reading this article listen carefully. You are smart young people. You do not need to join JMB. You need to listen to RS writers and focus. You are getting drowsy. Your mind is wandering off. You need to send us money. You are slowly reaching into your fathers pocket.

Cut off head to remove headache
Have you ever gone to a doctor after a cold and been asked to cut your nose off to prevent it from dripping? 17 March, Bangladesh Telecommunications Regulatory Commission (BTRC) has asked mobile operators to something similar. The mobile operators are asked to dismantle their towers within 8 kilometers of the Indian border. This will prevent people from using cell phones in that region and that would supposedly reduce crime. Shouldn't it be the border police who should be regulating crime?

Big Brother is reading your SMS
March 21, More cell phone woes continue with the government having asked service providers to record all text messages. Muhammad Omar Farooq, chairman of BTRC sent a 'confidential' letter to operator asking them to do all this. If they do that it's all illegal as it defies the privacy act of all users. It's just harassment waiting to happen.

User1: Want to download the cool song in GTA about the cops. What's it called?
User2: '**** the Police'
User1: thanks dude, I m downloading it
Police come breaking through the doors of a bewildered and soon to be corssfired User2.
User2: What did I do?
Police: You sent an SMS '**** the Police' and we have recorded it. This sort of anti behaviour cannot be tolerated. You are a militant.

By Gokhra and Mood Dude


Days of innocence

I wished I had a lasso
so that I could bring down the moon
so that I wouldn't have to do the trouble of getting there,
I thought I could hold the stars
like cystals droplets of frozen tears
when they would fall shooting on my attire;
I've had the oddest imaginations
when I was a child
how different the world was then,
Now that I've grown into a man
I see the world,it has so much changed;
I try to make myself invisible
as I walk on the sidewalk in between mindless pedestrians,
I wish I had the key to unlock their minds
make one solemn intrusion.
There I see a five year old kid
crying all day
He dwells next door
holding a broken toy truck
waiting for his father at his door steps
I never see him stop crying
I never see his father coming home,
The poor child lost in his misery
desolated and all alone.
I see that old man sitting on a bench in the park
mumbling all day,
Sometimes I try to hear
sit close to him
and listen what he tries to say;
His son never spoke a word
ever since that quarrel
He never came back home,
He never cared to see his old dad
or regretted leaving him on his own;
So complicated life is
as I see it today
I wish I could return to the days of old
Now that I am a man
with so many plans
I am mechanical and cold
I want to go back to those days when I was a child
Life was so wonderful then
Days were full of fun and laughter
those days were my days of innocence.

Father

Father I wish you were near me
when I was the king of the world
and the world was at my feet,
Father I wish you followed me
when I was running I wish you spent your running after me
How I longed for the father
the father that I never found in you
You are just a man with grey hair
not the man I thought I knew
Father I always tried to be you
but now I wish I never did
because I don't want my son to think of me
like I think of you today
Father I wished I never had to live in your shadow
because I regret living in it in dismay
Father you never filled my emptiness
when you were what I needed to be complete
What do I have to do to make you change
I was your waekness and misery
Father you'll never know me
because you never loved me
I had the world at your feet
I wish I could run into your arms
but they were always closed
You are my unforgettable tragedy
When The world made me a king
and I was standing on the mountain
I always looked down to look for you
but you were never there like you never will
absent always absent amidst crowd of thousands.
Father I have nothing to say
Because I have no opinion of you
You are nothing to me as I am nothing to you.

Written by Naome Syed


Idris's hair treatment Yun Suc beauty parlour


Clearly ahead when it comes to hair
Having hair problems? At Idris's Hair Treatment (pvt ltd), Proffesor Idris (Proffessor of Hairology, HairGeometry, and BioHair-o-genetics) and his crew will find the solutions to all your hair-related worries.

Our experts, from all over the world, are...experts (yes, that's why they are called Experts) in hair and we have the latest, most sophisticated and high-tech equipment available. Our hair-mechanics engineers and applied-hairology experts are constantly developing new hair-related innovations in our Underground Hair Lab (Lapid Action Battalion).
Special technological advancements we have:

HAIR ELASTICITY METER-curious about how elastic or britol (biscuit) your hair is? Find out NOW!(Robert Hooke approved). Version 2 includes a pH (power of Hair) meter

DANDRUFF ELIMINATION BY ELIMINATION METHOD- the mathematical solution to dandruff. Data is collected from your hair into a super computer which forms 2 simultaneous linear equations and then uses the elimination method to eliminate the dandruff. Innovated by Hair Lab's top mathematician, Pythagoras himself.
SATAN POWERED HAIR COLOUR SYSTEM-a machine that colours your hair, run by the evil and mischievous powers of SATAN(Satan is poked with a stick, and when he screams out of pain, the sound waves converted into energy for the machine to run)

KIDS MEAL-hair cut(baby goat style) and a free toy-this item has been banned after a recent accident where a fat boy choked on a Barbie

We also have several lice removal facilities, such as: ANTI LICE OTICS METHOD- Genetically reassembled lice are planted onto your hair. These Gene-Lice or Anti Lice-Otics instinctively battle and finally kill all the other lice in your hair.
BIOLOGICAL CONTROL: PIED PIPER ROBOT- Imported straight from Hamelin, these piping-specialized tiny robots pipe their digital lungs out until all the lice from your hair follow the robot into the Red Sea.

By Trytanopiac


Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


RS Mailbox

Send us all your love letters and money to this address: risingstars@thedialystar.net

Hot cover
The RS issue on 9 March was outstanding. The cover looked terrific (the drawing of the girl was so hot), most of the material were interesting not to mention funny and Babu, Bhola and Boo were their usual silly selves. By the way, is it a coincidence that the comic characters are all named with the letter 'B'? Is it the Bangladeshi version of how Indian soaps are usually named with a 'K'?

Shameen
Nah, it's just that a lot of cuss words start with the letter 'B'. Possibly when the cartoonists were drawing and couldn't get an idea to form, the cuss words flowed freely. What inspiration, eh? -Ed.

Kill Ronny
I could have killed Ronny the moment I read the first line of his article on 9 March that said how women are basically weak. But the rest was a pleasant surprise. It's always nice to hear guys appreciating women. I study here in Australia and even in these so-called somewhat liberated places women are often seen as the weaker unsubstantial gender. Kudos to Ronny.

Nilufar Chowdhury
Hmm, did you call up contract killers the after reading the first line because a hit man was looking for Ronny at the office a few days. The writer has been missing ever since-ed.

Rocking responsibility
Guitar Girls article titled Rock Against Corruption was a beautifully written piece. It's a nice dream and a great idea. Rock stars cannot any longer go on being the epitome of sex, drugs and violence. They are looked upon with awe by thousands of fans. They are idols for many and thus have a responsibility of being responsible. Music can be one of the strongest medium of transmitting ideas and opinions. Look at Bono and U2 and all that they do. I hope the emerging young musicians do something in this respect.
Navid Rahman


 
 

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