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How to (not) write a paper in one night

The worst-case scenario
In your dreams (for the nervous studious ones): Your professor is this vicious saber-toothed tiger with ogling saliva who is very strict about moon-time limits regarding turning in assignments… you already missed his last two jungle lectures about, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” and “Who came first… the chicken or the egg?” and you have only one night to finish your paper on, “Steps and procedures on how to win a chicks heart.” If you don't turn in your paper, your prof. will not only sink his saber-tooth into your tail (in your dream, you are a dangling dancing monkey, by the way) but will inform the MMK (Mortal Monkey Kombat) to hunt and break your wisdom teeth… which will be painful. So what do you do? Your only clue is… your saber-toothed tiger prof. loves chickens…

In reality: Your paper is due is due tomorrow… and if you don't submit it, well… you fail your semester.

How to deal with it other than flooding your bathtub with tears…
Anyways, with the scenarios in place, let us move on with the procedures of this utterly harrowing task. It's happened to you, and if it hasn't, then it most certainly will at some point. You receive a rather unpleasant paper assignment; for example, “Please write 5-7 pages on the history of the Fibonacci Sequence” or “The Civil War… discuss.” Naturally, there are other things to do throughout the week(s), and as the due date draws closer, you don't actually forget about the paper, but you may… gently push it to the back of your mind. Once it dredges itself forward again, however, you most often realize that the paper is, in fact, due tomorrow. This can present a problem, the magnitude of which depends on the number of pages and amount of research that the paper demands. Do not panic! You, too, can get through such a situation without significant limb loss.

What to do if you do not have a research paper...
1. Breathe easy.
If your paper doesn't involve research, then you have close to nothing to worry about. Chances are, you won't even need libraries or the Internet to help you out.

2. Attempt to write the paper using what you know.
Notes taken in class can sometimes be a useful aid, depending on how awake you were at the time. But unless you've been skipping class every day, then you should technically know enough to at least write a halfway decent paper all by yourself.

If you cannot write the paper by yourself...
1. Consult someone smart.
You are in the midst of hundreds of geniuses (hopefully), and, chances are, at least one of them knows something about what you have to write. Monetary bribes can be quite effective in coercing individuals or upperclassmen to help you with your paper.

2. Make something up.
Making something up is not a very good first resort, but when you have run out of options, you… have run out of options. All students are still alive because they have learned the vital skills of how to effectively make things up in high school. Use it!

3. Do not plagiarize.
Even if you think you're tricky enough to get away with it, you're not, you arrogant moron. If worse comes to worse, you'd be better off turning in a paper that says, “I am too stupid to do the assignment” than a plagiarized paper.

If you have a research paper and your prof. does not accept Internet references (which some Profs. actually don't!)…

1. Go to library.
Yes, procrastination is an art form. But libraries have set hours and do not care whether or not you procrastinated. Go there. School libraries, The British Council or the American Center is good places for heavy-weighted papers… but of course very few are accustomed to actually going to a library, so if you care less, you can download books from the net and refer to it… of course if you have that much time to.

2. Do your research.
Are you sensing a pattern here? The pattern is that you should do the logical things, in the logical order.
If you have not done the logical things, in the logical order…

1. Realize that you are a fool.
This should not take long.
2. Go to the nearest accessible library.
Do as much research as you can before the library closes.
3. Hide.
When the library is about to close, vanish under a desk, couch, or stack of books.
4. Reappear and research.

When everyone has left the library, you are free to roam about and do all the research you need. You have managed to outsmart the librarians!

If your paper is a senior thesis, and you've left it to the night before…

1. Laugh.
I hope you find that as funny as I do.

By Adnan M. S. Fakir

Campus news

Seminar on writing better college applications

A seminar on 'how to write a better application' was held on Thursday morning, at the General library section of the American Centre. Conducted by the student counsellor Ms. Arefin Jahan, the seminar was aimed at providing the future applicants with a better idea about preparing college applications.

Applying to U.S. colleges is a rather lengthy and complicated process, and the lack of professional guidance in our country makes the scenario even worse. The American Centre is one of the very few credible institutions that continue to assist students who look forward to getting an American degree. And this seminar was just a part of a few other events that the American Centre will organise for students this year.

The 1-hour long programme began with a list of general requirements for an application, and moved on through important topics such as 'what the universities look for in a prospective student'. The importance of teacher recommendations and personal essays was greatly emphasised upon by the counsellor. She said, that while students primarily focus on academics and achieving higher test scores, they frequently overlook other equally crucial factors.

While discussing the other common mistakes made by students, she also said that building a superior application is all about striking a balance between the key factors. 'Each determinant, like for example the SAT score, is like one finger. You need to keep all of them strong enough, or otherwise you lose your grip.' She also recommended that students spend ample time on their applications, and start the process early. In addition to these and other topics, she answered to many other questions made by the participants.

For those who have missed the seminar, there is no need to worry as they can still seek assistance and counselling regarding their applications from the American Centre. It is always advisable to contact them prior to making any visits. Contact the American centre at 8837150 for further details.

By Tausif Salim

'The Grand' by LCLS

Despite all the hype over private universities mushrooming in every alley of the city, charging exorbitant fees and not providing quality learning, one 'flip' side can certainly be realised from this drastic change to the face of Bangladeshi education-the promotion of extra curricular activities. A lot of emphasis has been placed on the element of complete learning where memorising notes and acing exams are not the only fields students look to excel in. Countless debate, art, and drama competitions have been promoted as have been arranged cultural extravaganzas. Following dutifully in this path was 'The Grand' organised by the students of London College of Legal Studies (LCLS).

The function was held on September 7 at the Bangladesh China Friendship Conference Centre and ran from 6 to 11pm. Surprisingly enough for a Bangladeshi audience, the show kicked off right on time with a couple of speeches from Chief Guest, Richard Sunderland of The British Council, Barrister Tufail-ur-Rahman, Principal of LCLS, Barrister Zia-ul-Hasan, Vice-Principal and Barrister Taufiq-ur-Rahman, Head of Laws.

The speeches were thankfully left concise claiming a total twenty minutes of the audience's attention and following straight after was an opening dance to the popular song 'Krishno'. In this act, the performers fully upheld the spirit of Bengal clad in saris and armed with calabashes.

After this short sequence the MC, Alif Alauddin graced the stage and guided the audience smoothly through the rest of the programme.

The dance section left nothing to be desired with three extremely well-coordinated sequences. The first was a classical dance by 5 students in black dhotis to a soulful flute melody.

Up next was a fusion cue that sprawled right from the 50s to the new millennium and songs defining each era like 'pyaar hua ikrar hua' and 'dancing queen' were chosen with performers dressed apt for each time frame. The final and perhaps best of the dance sequences was a modern dance performance centered around popular hindi numbers like 'chunari chunari', 'ek ajnabee', 'right here right now' and as a sweet reminder of the past, 'hawa hawa'. The fast tracks with equally rhythmic choreography by Trisha left the audience in no doubt that the show was well over their money's worth.

The singing segment left little to be complained about as well with three solo bangla songs, one solo hindi number (Kailash Kher's Teri Deewani) and one group song. What added the variety to the show however, was the drama directed in a typical jatra natok style. Although meant for comic relief, due to minor problems in microphone arrangements, the dialogues of the play went largely unheard. The students refused to be left out of the glamour world as well with a fashion show choreographed by Sumon that boasted professional models like Emi, Tumpa, Neela, Asif, Olik and so on.

The models looked resplendent in glittering saris and elegant western wear designed by O2. Last up and the boldest highlight of the show was a performance by James that left the crowds enthralled to eight all-time favourite tracks.

The official sponsors of the show were RC Cola and Persona and the media partner was ATN Bangla. The entire event was well organised by BlueDot Entertainment and perhaps the only short-coming that could have added more flair would have been a larger audience.

Those who did come though, were adequately entertained, and understandably so what with such sincere performances, dinner and James all for a mere 300 taka! The entire event will be aired on ATN Bangla on the 17 th of this month for the benefit of those who missed it live.

By Subhi Shama Reehu


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