Home   |  Issues  |  The Daily Star Home

 

The week in re(ar)view

Do the crime but don't do the time
Apparently 4000 criminals are to be freed because there is no space in the prisons. The number of inmates is 3 times that the prisons can house. If you want to commit some inept form of petty crime this is the time to get away with it.

Someone wants to form the League of Honest Gentlemen
Apparently the cool thing right now is to be all honest and whatnot. People want to form groups of honest people and taking steps to catch all the crooked leaders. A better way to say that would be to say that catch ALL the leaders. So far there has been no honest leader.

A report on 17 February stated that senior leaders of BNP want to rid the party of corruption and crime so they want policing bodies to do their work. Source: anonymous. So if all the corrupt leaders are caught will there be any leaders left? Readers can prove us wrong if you know someone who knows someone who knows an honest leader.

Election Commission prepares a new reform proposal stating that utility service defaulters cannot contest the polls. A slightly more realistic proposal was highlighted on 15 February that no convict can contest the polls.

Consumers rise one step above cockroaches
Consumers may no longer be the lowest form of life in the eyes of the local business scenario. Government is working on a plan to develop a consumer protection act to protect the consumer rights. Of course, this was mentioned in one line inside a huge article so we will believe the statement the day we can successfully sue manufacturers.

Shopping for the blind
Businesses are to shut down from 7:00 PM onwards from 25 Feb to save electricity. That's so that we can watch uninterrupted Hindi soap operas at home. Of course, shopkeepers will most likely continue doing business in the dark which makes it good for them. Now they can dupe the customers easily in the darkness of the electricity cutoff.

We have a very good solution. Apparently you can put electricity into bottles and sell them. We decided to call them batteries.

By Gokhra and Mood Dude


Laff lines

You are a chicken
A man runs to the doctor and says, "Doctor, you've got to help me. My wife thinks she's a chicken!"
The doctor asks, "How long has she had this condition?"
"Two years," says the man.
"Then why did it take you so long to come and see me?" asked the shrink.
The man shrugs his shoulders and replies, "We needed the eggs."

Share and Share Alike
An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink.

The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them."

As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man replies that they''re just fine - they''re just used to sharing everything.

The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn''t eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.

Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them.

This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything."

As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asks "May I ask what is it you are waiting for?"

The old woman answers... "THE TEETH."


Meandering ponderings

WHY isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?

If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?

If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?

You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?


Obuitary R.I.P Clippy

With recent tragedies surrounding our space programs- like over usage of Video Blogs, forum posts about global warming and exclusive clips of the new IPHONE which has not yet reached the Bangladeshi market (grrr….), one major death has been untouched by the media. We are speaking of the late, not-necessarily-beloved Clippy, the MS Office ASSistant who was brutally murdered out of Office 2007. Although kids loved his perky little nuisances, young adults like me thought that Clippy was an irritating character.

Here is what Jensen Harris, Office Group Program Manager, had to say about the recent death in a recent interview:-

“One of the tenets that we had about the new User Interface in 2007 was that we only wanted to create one way to get to all features. We didn't want to have menus and toolbars and Clippy as parallel, slightly different ways of getting to the features, so Clippy as a way of helping you decode cryptic menus and toolbars didn't make sense, because we didn't have those cryptic menus and toolbars anymore...it Although I think that social user interface wasn't ready for the mainstream yet”

At the age of 10, that was child murder! I'm going to miss the funny paperclip dude disturbing me whenever I was about to write an application or a letter with “Looks like you are writing a letter, would you like help with it?” Yeah sure, as if my mom never taught me how to write one! R.I.P Clippy! Wherever you are... I wish they kill Mr. Robot next!

By Shamma M. Raghib


Top Tunes

Check what's hitting the local music chart this week

Ungerground

1. Shopnochura-3- Mixed album by Tony
2. Boka Manushta- Sumon & Aurthohin-2
3. Live Now- Mixed album by Ershad
4. Shorjo Dibosh- Striking
5. Underground- Mixed album by Komol

Overall

1. Din Bari Jae- Bappa Mojubdar
2. Shopnochura-3- Mixed album by Tony
3. Hok Kolorob- Arnob
4. Boka Manushta- Sumon & Aurthohin-2
5. Ichchhe- Tahsan
6. Best of Salma (Cloese-up1)
7. Best of Nishita (Cloese-up1)
8. Shono- Habib
9. Faissa Gechhi- Hyder Husyn
10. Ami Akash Hobo- Mixed album (Bappa, Fahmida, Tutul, Toni, Tipu)

Source: Piano
Courtesy:
www.tunesbd.com


RS Notice

Dear Readers
These past few months have been an agony for us. You know why? In the face of the huge response we got for our ad for new staff writers, picking out the best from a sea of talent was sheer torture. We've managed to complete the Herculean task though, and finally selected our new team. If you got the call, congratulations.

Those who didn't make it, please don't lose heart. We had a very small quota to fill, and the number of respondents was really overwhelming. Finally, if you feel that you should have been selected anyway, don't give up just yet. Keep on writing to us, and prove to us that our new team is incomplete without you. After all, at RS, persistence is a virtue!

Best Wishes,
The RS Desk


 
 

home | Issues | The Daily Star Home

2007 The Daily Star