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The week in re(ar)view

Tax evasion to become a more fun challenge
Tax evasion should be dealt with seriously, for real. That's what a whole bunch of bigwigs have been deciding this week.

The government should provide an 'exit route' for businesses that have evaded taxes, allowing them to settle their offences by paying back taxes with heavy penalties, so said the International Chamber of Commerce-Bangladesh (ICC-B). That's better than the money whitening scheme offered previously.

We were wondering that they would just ask for a large cut which by the way is the easiest way. Someone should put us on the board. But so far the scene has been about things we should and could and hope for and so on. Nothing concrete. Watch this space for further gooey non-concrete matter.

A horns-off experience
Dhaka city should be a real quiet place right now as about 1300 hydraulic horns were seized in the last week. Dhaka Metropolitan Police (DMP) seized hydraulic horns and filed almost 4000 cases against their owners for using hydraulic horn in restricted areas. Since most horns of this type are used by trucks and buses, now they will be moving around in silence. So when they want you out of the way they will simply push you. It's something they do anyway except before they used the horns as a warning.

Doing time is dead serious
You do the crime, you do the time, at times even when you don't do the crime. The High Court has thankfully invited a legal debate over the amended Emergency Power Rules (EPR) that have revoked the right to bail of those being arrested during the current operation against crime and corruption.

On March 21, the government issued in effect from February 13. According to the amended law, an accused in such cases has been stripped of right to file a bail petition during the investigation or trial of a case. Why are we so bothered. Because there are times we come very close to prison for writing this column.

The crimes they mentioned are related to illegal weapons, explosives, sabotage, hoarding, adulteration of food or medicine, forgery of currency or government stamps, black-marketing, smuggling and drugs, and so. But the point is that people are also framed on a regular basis. In fact, this is easier to do that you can think possible.

Fuel prices hiked again by 16-21pc
Fuel prices are up yet again with diesel and kerosene by 21 percent and octane and petrol by 16 percent. Apparently it is to minimise the staggering loss incurred by costly fuel imports.

From now on, diesel and kerosene will be selling at Tk 40 per litre, which was Tk 33 earlier, while octane will be selling at Tk 67 and petrol at Tk 65 per litre, which were earlier Tk 58 and Tk 56 respectively.

There are going to be many consequences of this price hike such as fall of prices for cars with big engines and rise in price of CNG kits. This will lead to longer queues in front of CNG stations where people and the consequent increase in sale of ludo board games, pillows and mosquito nets as drivers will have to wait days to fill up a tank. Traffic jams will be created by these long queues and to beat this hassle people will start living in cars. Addresses will soon be in the license plate format.

As for the effect on rural areas, we just ran out of space to discuss further.

By Gokhra and Mood Dude


Cool Adda

Location: TSC (Teacher Student Centre in DU) during Bangladesh Cricket match nights.

What to Bring: Some paper to sit on, an umbrella in case it rains and petty cash for petty food. Whistles and hooters for extra enjoyment. Group cool adda pplz can take a large Bangladeshi Flag to show how enormous is their support for the tigers. A Tiger mask if one can manage.

ETA: by 7:30 pm or else you'll miss the best places to sit and watch match.

What to wear: Wear mostly Bangladeshi color of Green and Red, a Bangladeshi bandana or a t-shirt/jersey depicting your support for the team. Never ever wear an opposition team color (ie. light blue, yellow or red) since you will be a primary target of being a pochafied bakra.

What to do: Well basically watch the match on a big screen, and a hell lot more. TSC happens to be the treasure trove for addabaz guys and gals and is perhaps the place where the queer habit of adda-bazi started off from. But apart from lotsa silly talk about what to do with Dhoni's long and shining hair once he is forced to cut it off or how make Greg Chappel eat his own words, you can keep your eyes glued to the really large projection monitor in case they happen to show some pretty blond Caribbean chick and you can cheer your ass off. This place also turns into a mini disco if any Bangladeshi batsman hits a four or six or if Mashrafee gets a wicket. This is the perfect opportunity to show off your monkey dancing skills. Who knows, you might attract one of the opposite sexes. Although the match continues throughout the night, don't worry there's enough coffee vending machines inside to keep you awake and if you are hungry, DUS is open all night and the hot patties, ice cream and Moa wallahs are also en guard all night to provide you gastronomically.

Then, after a well deserved victory you can go to Chankhar pool or Nilkhet with your friends and have yourself a victory feast celebration as the Biriyani houses are sure to be open all night.

Beware: Don't go dancing too wild or you may bump into a fellow fan and start a fight. Keep your mobile and money bag safe. Don't put your foot on other people's hands or girlfriends. And definitely don't walk around too much, you will lose your position and also learn a few Bengali swear words for disturbing the view of those behind you.

By Monty Python


Vox-Pop

With exam's steadily creeping nearer for many, we decided to ask a question likely to enter the mind of a person in the middle of night-long revision: “Is a three to four hour exam a good way of judging a student's merit?” Here's some of the responses we got:

“Yes, because if the exam is balanced with questions from all categories, then it can measure one's merit almost accurately.” Fariha. Age:19.

“No it isn't. Many people aren't studious but have more common sense than others, which a formal exam cannot predict.” Saki. Age: 15.

“No. A written exam does not probe the student's ability to speak. It also doesn't test spontaneous thinking. We do not know how well the student will cope with situations where he/she is not prepared. We also cannot ascertain the student's level of self-confidence though a written exam.” Shams. Age: 20. Electrical Engineering, University of Waterloo, Canada.

“The point is how well you perform within the set amount of time. So it is a fair enough way to judge someone's potential.” Mehnaz. Age: 19. First year at University of Toronto.

“Not always. A good student may become nervous or may have other personal issues which may disprove his merit, although he has been working hard all throughout the year.” Sadia. Age: 17. The Aga Khan School, Dhaka.

“No, obviously it's not enough to judge a student. Often, students who never work hard get lucky, even after studying only selected topics. This type of evaluation system only encourages memorising.” Sarah. Age: 18. Viquarunnesa School.

“Merit isn't only succeeding in exams, so talent cannot be measured by an exam only; other factors and talents go unnoticed in such exams.” Elisa. Age: 20.

“Well, written exams are OK --- but there should also be VIVA.” Navid. Age: 21. ETE, NSU.

Compiled by:
Iftikhar Azam
With THANKS to Anika, Nuzhat, Hitoishi, and Alvi.


Pranks-Do's & Don'ts

Pranks you should never Pull

  • Giving you history teacher your English essay and your English teacher your biology notes. It's not funny and teachers don't have a sense of humor.

     
  • Sending obvious email pranks to people. I know my secret crush finder will give you all the names of the crushes I give. You are a dork.

  • Pretending to drink blood and chewing flesh which is actually ketchup and rubber made flesh. It's not funny, it's disgusting you moron.

  • Flicking someone's nose or ears. Let's see how funny it is when I beat you to death with a feather pillow.

  • Nudging everyone on your list every few seconds. You will be blocked and then the jokes on you.
  •  
  • When someone successfully tricks you, you pretend you didn't know it was April first, hoping you can fool that person. It's not funny, you are a dork and we all hate you.
  •  
  • Telling a certain person that someone is calling them, when no one is actually calling anyone. It's not funny, you are not 5 years old but you are a dork.
  • Pranks worth pulling

  • Feeding your brother a chicken and claiming that the chicken has bird flu.
  •  
  • Replacing your brother's power point presentation with pictures of Pamela Anderson. Wait till his Professor sees this.
  •  
  • While your brother is sleeping, claim that you witnessed a cockroach crawling up and then right inside his nose. Put in a few bits of feather, wake him up tell him the news and hear the screams.
  •  
  • Impersonate an army officer, go to the police station, get some cops and cop cars and take them all to roam around Dhaka University.
  •  
  • Dress up like Mandira Bedi and interview people about cricket. Use words like “It was lucky.” And “Are they good enough.” Profess your ignorance about cricket. Wait…you can't dress like her, you can undress like her.
  •  
  • Throw away all your Music CDs. Claim that it has been discovered that CD's cause bowel cancer. Collect all the CDs people throw out.
  • By Osama Rahman


     
     

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