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The week in re(ar)view

Appropriate punishment
Call us inhuman but we don't feel that giving someone a bit of a monetary fine for selling adulterated food items is enough. A mobile court on September 29 found adulterated ghee and glucose at Jamil Chemicals and Food Products at Rayerbagh of Jatrabari in the capital. The two owners were fined Tk 2.5 lakh each and sentenced to seven years in jail.

Okay, maybe the jail sentence is harsh enough. But these people would understand the enormity of the situation if they were made to consume ALL the adulterated food that they tried to sell.

Also, 2000 cartons of adulterated mosquito coil were also found at the factory. It is scary to think that poisonous mosquito coils are sitting side by side in a food factory. What's scarier is that these people may be the first of a weird breed of humans who are secretly activists for the preservation of mosquitoes. What scariest is how we put two and two together in such a manner.

The boy who cried “thief!”
The easiest way to get away with murder is by having a mob beat someone to death. An alleged burglar was beaten to death by a mob at Mohammadpur on 29 September which incidentally is nothing new.

The alleged burglar allegedly tried breaking into a house. As the members of the household screamed out for help, a mob caught up with the fleeing burglar and beat him. And then they continued beating him some more.

Tough luck for businesses
Bangladesh is 107 among 178 countries in terms of ease of doing business in a country. And that's following an 18 place drop from last year.

Apparently Bangladesh fell behind in nine indicators among ten. Before you had to deal with corruption, that you could bribe your way out of. Now you can't even do that without getting into trouble.

In context, Bangladesh is still ahead Nepal (at 111) and India (at 120). Incidentally, BD is the fourth easiest country in South Asia for doing business in. Of course, the best could mean the best of the worst.

The number of days needed to start a business in Bangladesh is 74 while the regional average is 42.6.

Bangla movies up in the sky
Impress Telefilm, a local producer of telefilms and entertainment programmes, has appointed another company to screening Bangla movies as in-flight entertainment of different airlines.

Let's hope all that heavy jumping and dancing otherwise known as dancing by large heroines won't bring the planes down.

Faridur Reza Sagar, managing director of Impress Telefilm, said films and entertainment programmes of refined taste are now being produced in Bangladesh. It would be nice to see such rare films.

By Gokhra and Mood Dude


Laff lines

Management quirk
A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions. "For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?"

The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two." "Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping."

Surgical snippet
A surgeon goes to return some books he borrowed from the library... The librarian quips after checking the books... "Sir your books are always returned with the last page missing in every single book..."
The surgeon replies, "I can't stop myself from removing an appendix when ever I see one."

Halt!
Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to the room where security temporarily holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room.

After a few minutes, the door opened and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there, and don't you come out until you're told!" The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the women reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman.
[Source: Readers Digest.]

The note
The first graders were attending their first music lesson. The teacher was trying to begin at the beginning. She drew a musical staff on the blackboard and asked a little girl to come up and write a note on it. The little girl went to the blackboard, looked thoughtful for a minute and wrote, "Dear Aunt Emma, just a short note to tell you I'm fine."

Horseplay
For the second time in six weeks a man had fallen off his horse and broken some ribs. Coincidentally, the doctor in the emergency room at the hospital was the same both times.

Since there isn't much that can be done for broken ribs, he prescribed a pain killer and sent the man on his way. As the man turned to leave, he jokingly asked, "Is there anything you can recommend for my horse?" The doctor paused and thought for a moment, then said, "If it were me, I'd get another rider."

Doggie woes
A sad Bassett Hound was relating his troubles to his friend.
"I'm really depressed all the time and I think negative thoughts. I'm always bored, I feel listless and I am always tired." "Why not go see a psychiatrist?" suggested the friend.
"Well, I would," said the Bassett Hound, "except that I'm not allowed on the couch.


Boat business to go up

The World Bank has approved $75 million International Development Association (IDA) credit as flood assistance to Bangladesh. The money is going to be used to cover immediate needs for relief, livelihood support and reconstruction. Of course, it could also be used to buy some really nice cars for not so nice people.
What should be done is to let the water flood the entire country, turn it into a canal filled Venice away from Venice and open it for tourism.


 

Cool Adda

Location: The Monkey cage in Mirpur Cheeriakhana (National Zoo)

What to wear: Only a Tarzan or Jane type cloth is allowed, make sure you put on plenty of really smelly anti mosquito cream on your body.

The Adda: This adda can be a little wild as topics usually range from discussion of preservation of wild animals in the zoos of our country to the preservation of your life from the wild animal in the cage. If you do not find any human friend willing to come with you then you can always talk with Chita or Chikita (your monkey adda partners). They are more than willing discuss the use of fertilizer in growing bananas quickly in the dense jungle, the way Bangladeshi banana planters do. Addas such as these tend to open up your brain to the brighter sides of life, as you become more apparent with Darwin's Theory of Evolution. Basically, this is the next stage of your evolution as an addabaz. Monkeys are also supposed to be good at picking lice from human hair, this may come handy if all else fail.

The cons: Well just be a bit careful of the visitors, as in their eyes, you are the more attractive animal and they will show their affection by throwing bananas, stones and gooey substances at you.

The next stage: if you have succeeded in being with the monkey, the next adda can take place in cage with Tiger or a Lion, so be mentally prepared.

By Monty Python
(pythonian.guy@gmail.com)


Wacky meanings

Alternate meanings turn up when you coin a new word from existing meanings. These have been created by readers of a U.S. newspaper. Although these are not incorporated into regular English and created just for fun, the new meanings are uncannily appropriate. If you have any such contributions send it t us and become famous (or infamous).

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

6. Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.
7. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
8. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
9. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
10. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

11. Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
12. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.


Two friends chatting on the net:

Weed: Hey there. I had an awful day. Everything's going so wrong!
Gaanja: Dost, remember, whenever you are feeling down..its always because of gravatational pull! Hehehehe

Weed: Retard..lol. You high or something?
Gaanja: Yeah, high on sugar!

Weed: Thanx for cracking such bhua jokes, but its not helping. Catch ya later, bye.

Gaanja: Thank God! You're leaving. Mission accomplished..yeay!
Weed: What??!!
Gaanja: Hey, weren't you supposed to go?
Weed: Yeah I was and I am going. I mean coming. Yaba just called, all of us are coming over to your place.
Gaanja: Nooooo!!!

By Nayeema Reza

 
 

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