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The week in re(ar)view


We are used to problems arising from scarcity. Scarce money, food, shelter, jobs and pizza toppings. We are definitely not used to problems of abundance except that of mosquitoes. But what we never expect is abundance of electricity.

The 250MW power plant at Barapukuria is supplying more than can be consumed. As a result the sites coal yard is rapidly filling up with coal (used to power the plant). Authorities fear that if the coal yard fills up there could be "spontaneous combustion" of the coal. We suggest finding a way to supply it to cities that need it. Better yet, we suggest holding rock concerts at the site. Those big speakers need a lot of juice and the coal would make excellent barbeques. We say boost the countries tourism.

Slippery when oily
The government is going to withdraw customs duty on imported edible oil so that we can continue using oil to cook with and clog our arteries.

Meanwhile, the central bank is going to fix a special interest rate of 12 percent on loans for importing powdered milk to keep market prices stable.

And we promise to agree to stop making fun of government promising things.

Bangladeshi sci-fi
The NAM apartments along the Manik Miah Avenueused to be a a gateway to parallel universes. You see, the buildings are modern yet the residents paid rents that were considered low in 1970.

The lawmakers were allocated the flats and were required to pay only Tk 400 for a 1,250 square feet flat and Tk 500 for a 1,800 sqft one and no electricity bill. Those apartments are worth more way more than 10000 a month. Now that the parliament expired 17 months ago, the housing and public works ministry decided that this is not cool. We agree.

Crows cannot play with evidence
We have seen and heard of police stations placing the collected evidence hung outside from nails sticking out from tree trunks. Crows and other woodsy creatures are sorely disappointed as they can no longer access required knives and such when under a murderous mood. At least in one station this situation has improved. Evidence of Lalbagh Police Station are stuffed in a bag and hung from the ceiling of a motorbike shed. At least it is under a roof

Big haul
Now this is what we call a stash. Police recovered 103 illegal firearms, 71 explosives and 533 rounds of bullet in Khulna in February. We were disappointed last week when RAB raided a factory where thee weapons were in single digits and the highlight was a single shooter.

By Mood Dude and Gokhra

Alfred Hitchcock

"The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder."

"What is drama but life with the dull bits cut out."
"Television is like the American toaster, you push the button and the same thing pops up everytime.”

-Alfred Hitchcock
The five films for which Hitchcock was nominated for a Best Director Oscar are Rebecca (1940), Lifeboat (1944), Spellbound (1945), Rear Window (1954) and Psycho (1960).He was infamous with cast and crews for his "practical jokes." While some inspired laughs, such as suddenly showing up in a dress, most were said to have been more cruel than funny.

During the making of Lifeboat, one day the actress came up to Alfred Hicthcock and asked him which part of her body is most attractive. Alfred Hitchcock answered "You are sitting on it, my dear.”

Kid stars
Never say no

Once upon a time, there was a school. Many students used to read in that school. One day a new student was admitted. He was very shy. In the games period, the sports teacher taught them how to dance. The new student felt so much shy and said, “ I' can't dance!' On the same day some other students were blowing bubbles. They called him and asked to play bubbles blowing with them. The new student said “ I'm afraid I can't try this!”. But all other students held him to try. At one point, he took the bubble blowing stick and put it into liquid soap and blew. He could not make any bubble at all as his blow was not proper. A week went on like this. Still he was always negative and unsuccessful. At last he gave up hope and said 'I won't try anymore!'. After a couple of days, the art teacher started teaching them how to finger paint. The new student thought he wouldn't do this too. He just put his finger in the paint and wiped it by a piece of paper. The paint transferred into the paper and it looked like one of the best finger paint. The teacher said “What a nice finger paint is it. He did this by doing something new!” This encouraged him a lot and he felt like he was able to do any other thing which he could not do before. He thought how about trying again to make bubbles. Secretly he took the liquid soap pot and the stick and tried again and again in many new ways. At last, he learnt to way how to control blowing and the bubbles were formed. He was too much happy and got his confidence back. Next day when playing with other students, he could make the bubbles. His friends and the game teacher were surprised. The new student said the secret to them “I'm inspired by the art teacher's comment on my finger paint. Now I have learnt if give up shyness and I try my best I will be able to do any new thing. Never say no to anything but try. Trying new ways is the key to the success!”

By S.M.Afnan Razzaque
Age 8
Class II,Mastermind School Dhaka.

Cool Adda

Location: A very popular ice cream parlour

When to go: Preferably during Eid or any other special occasion like V-day, Mothers Day or even Children's Day (to celebrate those childhood memories, dress code- nappies)

Stuff you need: A flashy cell phone, an entire bottle of perfume and some weird friends (if you count them as 'stuff' that is!)

The very “cool and hip-hop” Adda: Your destination will be the infamous ice-cream parlour, the name rhyming with the words “Groove N' Lick”. But don't leave the house without ensuring the fact that you look totally like a yo-rich-wanna-be “dudeee” or an ooo-I'm-a-sL^t-and-hot-“chick”. That shouldn't be hard I presume, if you utilize the essentials that I have mentioned above and your own creativity at the same time.

So once you get there, take off your sunglasses (even if its night, come on that's the way it goes!) with an extra flamboyance. Upon entering the place, take a good look around at all the people who seem your “type”. Walk with your face tilted upward, in an act of utter snobbery, but be careful and don't look too up, or else you might end up with a dislocated shoulder. Now that is, not at all cool.

Find yourself a nice position to stand on (or sit if you get an empty seat) and just suddenly smile and laugh as if your friend is telling you the funniest jokes ever, even if he or she is actually, absolutely quiet. Well who cares, no one would notice. Anyways, so if you're lucky enough, you might be spotted by a friend who would be more than willing to buy you some ice-cream. Chances of that are rather high, since you possibly will even find your long lost brothers or sisters at that place during the festivities. “Hey, ki obozztha?” or “hey ssup?” (With a very sheirokom accent) will be thrown around in the air when friends meet friends.

In the end, the day will be great. Spending time with your buddies, perhaps even finding someone to go out with and having free ice-cream surely can make anyone happy. But remember that you went with an empty pocket but returned with…well ummm…memories that are to be cherished forever! Try it out and let me know how it all went. I wish you best of luck.

By Nayeema Reza

Men on Jupiter

Five, four, three, two, one … Blast off! It was 23 October 2020 at 11.00 am. Michel, David and John were going to be the first men on Jupiter. The rocket just has taken off from NASA Headquarter, United States.

They have just passed the moon and are heading for Mars. John is looking out the window and is surprised about how big and red Mars is. He can see lot of volcanoes with ashes coming down from the sky.

The three men put the rocket in auto mode and went to sleep. After two days Michel woke up and saw that they were close to Jupiter. He woke the other two and prepared for a landing. The rocket hit the ground smoothly like the men had predicted. David was the first to get out and placed an American flag on the soil. Although they were prepared, it was cold because they were far away from the sun.

What the men had not predicted was that there were caves. As they went to explore one of the caves, a shadow appears suddenly. When they turned a corner, five aliens jumped out. The aliens were like big lizards and the men guessed that they lived in the cave. But, what they did not know was that the aliens could breathe out fire. When the lizards let out burning flames, there was no escape. All they could do was surrender to their predators.

The men were not carrying any weapons with them for they had not expected any living being in Jupiter. They were blindfolded and taken into another cave. Suddenly, the men could feel some heat under their shoulder. When the aliens had taken their blindfolds off, the men found out that they are being roasted alive. They were hostages in front of hundred lizards and could not move.

Suddenly, Michel felt a jerk and so he was being woken up by the other two. “Thank God, it was all a dream”, Michel said. They had a big laughter when Michel described his dream to David and John.

They were still laughing and suddenly John cried out, “Jupiter” and he was sure this was not his dream. The whole thing was just a dream but who knows what might be out there waiting for them.

By Mashiat Zaman

Sundial of The Gods
(A sonnet for an epoch of love)

Let these days be measured by the sundial of the gods,
Let the thirst of this union be satisfied by the ambrosial drink,
Let it be so: the midnight of this affinity defeats all the odds,
And let this allegory of love be written with imperishable ink.
Let this beauty define what the goddess of love advocates,
Let this immortal flame be carried through to myth & legend,
Let it be so: these two hearts grow into definitive soul mates,
And let these definitive soul mates always come hand in hand.
Let it be so her heart is forever the Eurydice to his Orpheus,
Let it be so their hearts are filled with smiles & laughter,
And let the smiles & laughter always be blissfully joyous,
But let this fable end with these lovers living happily ever after.
So, let the lovers' hearts beat like drums of a God & His Goddess,
And until the next age: let them reign with joy & happiness.

By ImZ





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