The etiquette of failure
The only difference is we are hippies of the present.
Dad: What.... Maths? Ki? Marks? What?
The fact of the matter is, you _can't_ just fail. As we've said, it's an art form. You've got to follow an acceptable norm on failing. Everybody can simply fail. But, to fail gracefully, to smoothen the transition from loser to master failure... Now, that takes work.
Blubbering incoherently while your Dad grimaces, meeting your friends and then crying on their shoulders, locking yourself up and pretending the world doesn't exist, these are all unacceptable. And quite frankly, disgraceful, you n00bs give us pros a bad name. There has to be style akin to James Bond crashing his Aston, there has to be glamour and glitz and above all, art.
Indeed. Art. It's so Zen; it's very beautiful, you see. The way you fail, it'll be more than enough to set people over the edge, leaving them in awe, a catatonic shocked stage of mind numbing disappointment -- they won't pester you with silly things like excuses and reasons.
But, this doesn't mean you'll ignore it, too. You must make sure that they understand, through the general unfairness of the universe, it's... just not your fault.
And my fellow failures, because we have suffered as you have suffered, because we care and love you, we have come up with a way to deal with it all, to make it not go away, but at least to lessen the impact.
The Code of Failure:
1. The two months in between exams and results, always keep a cheerful face with a happy outlook towards life. As far as you're concerned, you're going to get fudging A's. When the results come and your life suddenly consists of lesser grades, the sudden shock that you're not the best will leave you in a sad stupor. Seeing such a stupor, those around you will feel bad for you, and won't hassle you. Of course. It's all a plot.
2. I'm sure the examiner was drunk! I mean, what? Unit 1: 25 marks? What do they take me for?" - The examiner was drunk when he marked your paper. Tell it to the jury and they'll release you for murder. Tell it your Dad and he'll pay for that recheck. Oh yeah.
3. Never blame yourself. It's never your fault. No matter what happens, don't say, "Damn. It's my fault. What kind of student am I?" That's not right. It goes, "Damn... It's their fault! What kind of unfair world is this!?! My genius is not under-appreciated. It's 'un'-appreciated." Don't blame God either. That's literally calling down lightning on your head. NOR your parents... That's another lightning call. Just blame... everything vaguely in general.
4. The purpose of failing gracefully is not, as some may think, simply failing to prove you're a rebel to the world. But it's failing in such a way that you do not actually fall-- you kind of stumble, or trip on a loose floorboard or rock. And you get back up again, right back where you were. At square one, and once again you can go both ways. Up. Or down.
5. Karma. Que sera sera. Or something. Since you know perfectly well it wasn't you not studying that caused this problem, it's the universe, the Angel of Failings, and the damned Lion in the wardrobe drove you mad. Theology and fantasy are always good ways to divert the attention away from the transcripts and if you're a funny man, make them laugh, telling that old funny joke about the octopus at the bar and the whiskey that was horse piss.
6. Life's a paradox, so blame enough people (other than you) and spiritual beings that after a while, people will take you as a victim of circumstance, a sad collateral statistic due to the vicissitudes of fate. You are the victim. Everybody else is the villain.
7. Failing gracefully has the advantage of setting you up for the next failure, or if need be, the next success... what?! Of course. That's the whole point of the grace. You know that saying, "Failure is the pillar of success"? Well, it's true. Even if you do just a LITTLE better next time, its success, and it's not as bad. Never skyrocket to the top. That's calling for a lifetime of expectations.
8. Sickness. If you happen to be in bed with jaundice when the results come out, or better yet when you were giving your exam, things become less sticky. Even if you aren't sick, the day before the results, go to Old Dhaka and eat all manners of street food so that you get yellows eyes by midmorning.
9. Don't fail. Pass.
By Tareq Adnan and Emil
If I could time travel, I would bruise a few inventors
WHY did inventors have so much time? I sincerely wish they were busier, because if they were busy, we would be spared a lot of torture that we must go through now. Let me try to classify some inventions, which led to more inventions, which in turn lead to massive temper flares and an upsurge of blood pressure. No suicide this time, just anger and irritation. I promise.
1+1 is Fine, Sin Cos, Tan, Crosses The Line
Great Work Doctors, Thanks For Predicting My Death
“Let There Be Light” Edison Said and A Generation Later, The Ice Caps Melted Granted that the light bulb did not lead to global warming, but then it did lead to more electrical appliances, which contributed in melting the ice caps. Ok, so we can blame the guy with the kite and the iron key, but then naturally anyone that old flying a kite with something that conducts electricity, in the middle of an electrical storm, is not very stable. He may have been brilliant, but he certainly didn't use much common sense. In reality, it is more about how a few generations later there would be no fossil fuels and all that stuff. All because of electricity and how its use was enforced. And if it hadn't been for Edison, we could all live normally when a black out (no light, no black-outs) occurred and our government wouldn't face so many problems. I feel sorry for them and I am sure they don't like Edison, like me. Actually, I don't dislike Edison; I just don't “dig” the whole light bulb thing. Plus with all the global warming, all that wouldn't have been possible if people couldn't see things properly at night, right? So, less destruction of environment, no fancy labs and cars couldn't be driven all the time without head-lights. See, it can all be traced down to that one light bulb.
Gee Let's Link All the Terrorists In The World, Steal Millions And Corrupt Kids
In all honesty, the inventions, all of them help and their inventors are people who deserve a lot of respect and endless applauds. That however, doesn't mean that we cannot pick on such people and it also in no way means that such inventions cannot help in making us mad. While you think about it, I take your leave and go back to inventing the time machine, which will be for my personal use. I hate to corrupt people further. Till next time.
By Osama Rahman
…..and I walk
Walking with an earphone in the ear
Put in out as there was something more to hear
They were chatting in loud
At the footpath shop making crowd
I took a peep being curious
Found them having snacks delicious
Talking light..talking serious...
Warm smell in the wind
Made me awake from absent mind
An evening bright...
Flooded with settling sunlight..
Walking slowly paying look
Searching for a secondhand book
Footpath stall I usually took
To buy books from technology to how to cook
Kids roaming around here and there
With bunch of flowers they come near
To buy one they ask
Thats their daily task
Walking...walking hearing young voice
Makes me feel away from noise
one with a guitar sitting on a wall
other one is playing vocal
I walk through..I walk by..
I wish to walk till I die
Home city Dhaka..no where else
My short story only it tells
By Bohemian Tithi
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