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North-East-West-South (N.E.W.S.)

Save Daylight:
No, you don't need to pay for the cause. You just readjust the time by advancing it by one hour. Now we know Bangladesh is on the same track as the USA and 50 other countries. The objective is to start and finish work one hour early while the sun shines. How do people feel about this? Read this comment by one Rabindra Rabidas from Bhairab- “How did they manage to convince the sun to come out one hour early? Very ajob.” Indeed it is.

Superhero Bus Service:
You may have heard of trucks and buses behaving weird as soon as they near the Mohakhali flyover. Well, check this out. Buses fly, particularly when they are hit by a train at breakneck speed. We witnessed the first solution to the superhero transportation problem when a train sent a bus flying at Moghbazar on the 19th. Four cars were smashed and are currently considered as invaluable products at Dholai Khal. No news of death (yet). Looks like the superheroes have saved the day (or not).

River grabbing unmasked:
The last two months there have been plenty of reports on the river grabbing. There have been shopping-malls, big apartment buildings, small shops built beside rivers, most particularly by Dhaka's lifeline (now on life support itself), the Buriganga. Now, why would people do that? The stink alone is enough to scare even crows away. The human mind is very mysterious sometimes…

Budget Special: - Black money Rules:
Do you have a two taka notes that has ink all over it? Then, it's your time to take over the country. Just kidding! Seriously though, if you have 'black' money more than 500 thousand, just buy a flat and you will just have to pay 80 thousand as tax whereas that amount of legal money incurs about a taxable amount of 120 thousand. Makes us wonder…

Rebellious Cricketers:
Once upon a time, few cricketers of the Bangladeshi cricket team joined together and, in a fit of rebellion, rebelled against their Cricket Board to join the Indian Cricket League (ICL). An expulsion from the national team followed, and now a year later, they aren't exactly living happily ever after. Now that the chances of the ICL to take place again are looking bleak, they suddenly are very loyal and thankful to the Board officials. In recent weeks there have been also reports in the newspapers that the current cricketers are looking to protest to comments made by a prominent Board official. Attention-hungry, you think? You got that right!

An Unexpected Guest:
Myanmar's ousted pro-democratic leader, Aung Suu Kyi, is on the news again, this time for reasons weirder than usual. Trials are being held to consider the sentence of increasing Suu Kyi's house arrest period by a further five years; reasons being that she allegedly allowed an unexpected American visitor (dolt) to her house who swam to it, just for the sake of visiting her. As if that wasn't enough, the books that he brought along are now being scrutinized and judging by the numerous protests being held in cities of Myanmar, people aren't exactly very happy with it.

More crashes and bangs:
See, North Korea literally loves blowing up stuff. That's why they waste truckloads of cash on building missiles almost every other day. It's usually for the sake of defense (as the country's run by a schizophrenic leader, no offence) but the latest reason is this. North Korea warns the US and South Korea that it will launch a merciless military campaign on both nations if they decide to hold talks, where the US shall help in strengthening South Korea's defenses. Forget the US, but North Korea sure doesn't know how to treat its neighbors. First a maniacal leader (reportedly who also has a troop of THE perfect cheerleaders, to raise army's morale), who is being succeeded by his son (who knows where he gets his charms from) and now this.

Iran, Twitter, sweet! :
Iran's civil resistance movement has included banning of websites like Twitter, Facebook, YouTube and the likes. Need I say further that Iran has tens of thousand of young bloggers who are smart enough to get around Government Firewalls and Proxies and enjoy the services of the Internet like everything's perfectly fine under the sky? In fact, the Iranian government has kept this for so long that it has actually ended up creating a cadre of young hackers! But does the government comply with this turn of events? Heck, no! This digital Civil War rages on. And you thought blocking YouTube for a couple of days here was actually bad.

By Don Khan and Ero Senin


Of paws and fur balls

There's love and there's love, and then there's the maniacal obsession people have with their pets. Or perhaps I tend to notice these things now that I'm in a place where hamburgers are abandoned after two bites and a certain brand of kitty litter claims to leave its competitors in the dust. Whatever the case may be, here in the Land of the Free our favorite four-legged friends are close to petitioning Congress for their First Amendment rights. No kidding.

Hartland Cat Hospital Your cat has heart palpitations? Do you worry your kitty will keel over and die from an aneurysm? Is your feline friend insured? Hartland Cat Hospital will keep the Grim Reaper at bay. Death shall not step over the hallowed threshold of the CC-surveillance halls of this institution. If in doubt, the regular ads in the Dallas Morning News will drive that point home to you. So much so that you may feel inclined to drop off your sick mother at the doorstep, in the hopes that hearts generous enough to spend thousands of dollars keeping claws trimmed will spare some change for the elderly. Yeah. Good luck with that.

Doggy Bakery Éclairs and mousse and soufflé, made by the capable hands of an expert pastry chef, trained in the culinary arts of appealing to the gastronomic preferences of canines and I am hardly exaggerating. That a café that caters specifically to dogs would be a topic on the 9 o'clock news is even more confounding. If three able-bodied policemen chasing a goat down Highway 121 wasn't newsworthy enough, now comes the dog bakery. What's next, I hear you cry, a special branch of the military for rabbits? One may never know.

Kitty Litter You want your house to smell like fresh laundry? Don't bother investing in aromatic candles, or actually doing the laundry. Invest in a ten-pound bag of kitty litter. For those that are uninformed, kitty litter is what cats relieve themselves in. Cats that know any better, that is. Our deshi brand of cats do their business wherever they feel like doing their business, but that's another story. American cats, though, are bred on a different kind of synthetic milk. They insist on only the best of the kitty litter. Because cats give a damn about where they deposit their poop.

Amazing Rescue November 2008, and the whole world tunes in to watch the presidential election unfold. Obama discusses healthcare while McCain dismisses talks of legalizing gay marriage…but wait? What is this nugget of breaking news? Could it be? Is there a puppy stuck in a pipe? Fire trucks crowd the two-lane street of some suburban neighborhood as all the people stand teetering on the edge of their nerves. The harness is lowered and powerful lights beamed down the tunnel, bringing to life the hapless puppy trying to paw its way out. Journalists interview eyewitnesses, who are more than willing to talk. 'One minute it was just fine,' a gap-toothed ten-year-old says with mock solemnity. 'And the next minute…' Three yards down the road the forty-something year old owner of the puppy is comatose on the ground, wailing for her dear baby's life. 'Somebody save him!' she shrieks at the camera. And when the fireman pulls the distressed dog out, the owner is close to tears. 'He's all I have,' she proclaims to the world, holding him aloft over her head in a move straight out of The Lion King. The crowd breaks into applause.

And what less can you expect? From a place where movies about superhero dogs and alien cats top the weekend box office, and Beverly Hills Chihuahua actually draws a crowd, such is life.

By Shehtaz Huq

 

 

 


 
 

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