Ifty's Iftar Bazaar
Hey you! Yes, you sir! You look like you're out for buying some delicious Iftaar, right? Well, you came to the right place; because this is Ifty's Iftaar Bazaar, a haven for some, um, “quality” Iftaar items. Have a look at some our Featured Items: -
1. “Glow-in-the-Dark” Jilapis:
2. Boomerang Begunis:
3. Chacha Halim…now with more “Mystery Meat”!:
4. Popping Piyajus:
5. Politician Dates:
6. Syndrome Sherbets:
See, now which Iftaar Bazaar would ever provide such a unique assortment of items? So fork out your money, you poor midget, and try some of the items on sale. It's an experience you will never forget…even though for all the wrong reasons.
By Wahid T. Khan
The league of extraordinar(il)y small men
If your puny minds remember, a few moons ago, a writer discussed one of the prominent classes of Small Men; the Mr. Bigger-Than-Rickshawallahs, or rather, Mr.BTR. Well, time has passed since then, and now these Small Men (yes, there are more of them) realise that they have been given much undeserved attention, so like all good Small Men, they are now set to make an association of their own. Meet the Extraordinar(il)y League of Small Men, collectively called the League. They don't need costumes, their unique daily garb already serve that purpose, and given the city's wonderful transportation system, no special automobiles are required. Their only goal is to ruin our city lives with their special acquired powers. Here's a look at the prominent members of the League, the “Big” Small Men, knowing of course, that Mr. BTR, is the undisputed Head of the League: -
The Underpass Urinator and The Roadside Excretor: -Meet the Waste Brothers, the League's very own set of twins. Tending to be very weak to Nature's calls, these Brothers consider it their second religion to well…do what their names suggest. They regard these forms of insignia of where they had been, albeit the fact that these insignia are actually very smelly indeed, and make travelling across this city by foot very, very difficult to move indeed. They are big-time consumers of cheap, adulterated foodstuff, which guarantees as their, ahem, source of power. Extremely aware of the environment and being “green” (of course, in very WRONG ways), that's what we like to call them.
The Over-bridge Oscillating Hanger: - A much respected member of the League, he's not much of a talker. He rather prefers to hang over (not hangover) the railings of over-bridges, and gaze over the city that he so rightfully owns and has sworn to gaze over it day and night for eternity with an extremely moronic facial expression, just for the heck of it. The railings rust and weaken, yet he never leaves his place. His powers also include forming weird postures (postures which rule out the possibility of performing yoga) over the railings and staring downwards, giving passers-by quite an awkward sight to behold. But he's impervious to all, for he's a true Small Man by heart, and that's what they do best.
The Political Party Participator: - Although the League has tried its best in trying to be away from politics as much as possible, it turns out that the city's just not big enough for them to live separately, and inevitably they do mix. To make this a point, the Political Party Participator was inducted into the League. His powers are most effective during every strike, fiery clashes with the police, Saddam Hussein's hanging or just any other usual everyday political gathering of that sort. His powers are tapped in by paying a nominal fee (somewhere around Tk. 150- Tk. 300), and he begins by shouting random slogans, walking along with hideously designed banners or just running along a road, screaming wildly and getting into messy fights with law enforcers. The peak of his powers is after every five years, when the country goes for Elections, and to spread the effects of his powers, he's handed a Chinese motorbike (see, transportation problem solved). Par-tay!
The Genjam Goer: -A comparably new addition to the League, he's basically one of those special people in life you detest for being present at every spot of "genjam" (from drivers' brawls over car dents to pickpocket thrashes), which incidentally happen to be a very common sight around the city. Abilities include being able to drag over not only himself, but his cronies as well, to said spots of genjam, and also to interfere marvelously in the arguments and pass certain comments that enrage everyone present towards one of the poor guys involved in the argument. We do not really know why he is there, infecting everyone's minds with his powers, but hey, that would be questioning the very existence of the darned League.
This is all for now. Any further upcoming members of the League shall be brought to your notice for awareness, should they or their “gifts' (you know what I am talking about) ever cross your path.
By Wahid T. Khan
10 things to avoid when fasting
1. Sound-tracks having '-licious' suffixes (e.g. Bootilicious, Fergilicious and so on). The list may also include titles like the notorious 'Ketchup song' and the vulture song from Ice Age 2- “Food, glorious food….”
2. People who have weird food names like Halim Khan, Jilapi Begum, Komola Shundori, Angur Bala, Apel Mahmud etc. etc.
3. Places or joints with food names, Pizza Hut? Too temping when you immeiately imagine their delicious pizzas. Also compare Korai Gosht, Yummy Yummy etc.
4. Siddiqa Kabir's famous book of thousand recipes: Ranna, Khaddo, Pushti. Honestly, this book should be placed even before dirly magazines on your prohibition list while fasting. It's just that tempting.
5. On that note, deshi TV channels should also be avoided until Iftaar. They have this disturbing habit of airing cooking programs all the time (including Tommy Miah's curious recipe of making chili sauce out of Roohafza). I mean, how cruel can they get?
6. Children's picture books, especially the food and fruits part. I swear they print those pictures super-glossy just to make us more miserable.
7. Fairy-tale books that have monsters shouting gleefully, “Khabo Khabo Khabo Khabo Shob Betake Chibiye Khabo…” Yes, and that's why monsters are evil. They eat and tempt others to eat. Freaks.
8. Remember the Tom and Jerry episode where Jerry and his little nephew sneak into a ballroom with tables full of roasted chicken, hot soup, colourful jell-o, fluffy breads, green veggies and apples and oranges and champagne and….erm, well don't watch it if you're fasting.
9. Shaliks and Crows. Shameless birds, they seem to be always eating something or another. And no, yelling out, “Roja rakhte parish na?”- will not help. Duh.
10. Certain Psychotherapeutic measures like repeating, “I am not hungry, I am not hungry” over and over again in your head. That never works. But more than often backfires, yes.
For the love of animals
THE recent stories on the sad plight of the animals at the Dhaka Zoo talk about how the animals are neglected, underfed and dehydrated, their cages not properly cleaned, and thus are dying off.
With the death of Ringo on September 10th, a total of 20 rare animals died at the zoo in a year. It was learnt that the only rhinoceros, a deer, a tiger, a horse, a sambar (Nilgai) and a kudu ( a deer like mammal) are also sick.
We received this drawing from one outraged young reader.
This paper has been carrying many stories about the sad plight of the animals at the Dhaka Zoo. There are numerous other examples of negligence on the part of the Zoo authorities. We only hope that the zoo authorities would feel same as Srijon and us.- RS Desk
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