By Alvi Ahmed
It irritates the hell out of me when I hear people say that Rock and Roll drumming is easy. "Just four counts, where you hit the kick bass on the first and third beat and the snare on the second and fourth beat, while continuing the hi-hat". If it was that simple, why aren't you inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame? That's because it's not that simple. If the guitarist is the soul of the band, the drummer is most definitely its backbone. So without further ado, here's a list of the drummers that have defined and redefined the art of drumming.
Ian Paice: [Groups - Deep Purple, Whitesnake]
If drumming was a sport Ian Paice would come first every time, he can be described as the Usain Bolt of drumming. Hailed as one of the fastest rocker Mother Earth has every produced, this speed freak is famous for his out of this world drum rolls. But the man isn't all about the pace, he has an amazing beat sense and is immensely famous for his hi-hat works. Ian's awesome foot technique has baffled mortals like us for years. The guy is a complete package and it is a treat to see him beat the crap out of his drum set.
Keith Moon: [Group -The Who]
Keith Moon is the embodiment of the rock and roll lifestyle. Whether it's packing his drum set with explosives, leaving wine bottles everywhere, or driving his Rolls Royce into his swimming pool, Moon is as "rock n roll" as it gets. But he wasn't one of your average four beat drummers; Moon was totally unique and ignored all traditional and conventional rules/methods of drumming. He came up with sounds and styles that broke through boundaries and propelled The Who and Keith into superstardom. He didn't play the hi-hat that often but his double bass speed and technique, his rolls and chops and finally his unconventional beats made him a true legend.
Danny Carey: [Groups -Tool, VOLTO, Green Jelly]
If you think rock and roll drumming is simple, then you definitely haven't heard this guy play. Founder of Tool, Danny Carey at the moment is perhaps the most technically gifted drummer this genre has ever seen. Danny's highly complex polyrythms have managed to set Tool apart from the other bands of the same genre. Solid grooves, insanely technical bass and hi-hat works and a signature off beat format make him the most technical drummer in the world today.
Lars Ulrich: [Group - Metallica]
While Danny Carey is famous for his complexity, Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich is famous for his simplicity. Lars doesn't play extremely difficult or very unusual and off beat drum beats. Why? Because he doesn't need to that's why. His single stroke rolls, his simple but effective beats and his super fast footwork, packs a punch in Metallica's songs.
John Bonham: [Group - Led Zeppelin]
There's a saying that drummers aren't meant to steal the show, they are supposed to hold it down like a rock. If that's the case then John Bonham is a freakin' boulder. He is the man that taught us what drumming was all about and that it was possible to smoke cigarettes while playing the drums. He delivered beats that oozed feel. His snare bombs, skintight 4/4s, his amazing fills and bass techniques perfectly complemented Page's soulful guitar solos and made rock history. A rock and roll god, John Bonham is father to us all (By "us" I meant drummers)
By Professor Spork
As it happens, yours truly is quite the opposite of a parody buff, but Twilight was just that annoying. Surprisingly, Vampires Suck isn't, unless superb acting by the excellently cast leads counts. Jenn Proske does an outstanding Becca Crane, mostly 'cause she can truly act like she's as bad as Kristen Stewart. Nailed the open-mouthed stares, not to mention the lame fidgeting. Lanter (way more decent-looking than Pattinson; a colleague called him 'hot', but let's not even go there) does almost as great a job of standing around brooding and occasionally getting socked.
Short on gag-inducing scenes but bringing in punch lines bordering on amusing. There are takes on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and True Blood which last a bare minute and aren't really funny, but bringing in Team Edward and Jacob was a good touch. Unfortunately, the jokes are few and far between, but you'll laugh at the punch line when it comes around. It wants to make fun of Twilight, so it uses the original plotline. No chances of going wrong there. If you've already watched Twilight though, it's a tad bit boring. Twi-hards also enjoyed the movie once they saw it. Like watching your favourite story all over again. Just replace Sullens with Cullens and pretend it's not funny. Not that hard, to be honest. But what most people don't seem to get is that the whole irritating explaining-every-last-joke deal? Yeah, it's a parody of Meyer's writing. If you've suffered through those books, you should remember how she never forgot to make Bella explain every metaphor she used. Um, duh. We took English classes too. And she studied literature. Nope, not kidding.
The advice is to watch it if only for the sake of the ending. Or maybe it's just that the vampires reside in Sporks.
There are so many missed opportunities, though, that at one point all you'll want to do is go over there and tell them where to take the next scene. You can practically see the humour peeping around the corner, but then a bus mauls it down. The cracks are so almost there; you want to go to their funerals. They had awesome actors. They even had the right idea. All they needed was you to help write the script. There are times you want to weep. Do something with the Chihuahua!
Then you stop and think about it. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer brought us Epic Movie and Disaster Movie. Give 'em a break. They finally managed to do something with their lives. So they couldn't think up a different story. Compared to what the parody genre's tossing in nowadays, maybe that's a good thing. Twilight was dying to be parodied. Why hasn't anyone else done it yet?
Dancing wolves (you'll never guess the song), glittery vamps in love with Big Macs (yeah, this one flew over my head too), and victims body-slamming vampires. That's what the movie should've been all about! But was it? Well, that would require thinking up more jokes, which in turn would require effort. Now critics can whine about it all day, but seriously? It's a Twilight parody. Putting in effort just isn't worth it.
Click Happiness: Part II
Sometimes, I forget that there was actually a time when the Internet was abysmally slow, when you actually had to wait ages for a page to load. Still, it was the time when people actually looked for good websites instead of opening their Facebook pages. The Internet wasn't all about social networking but about awesome things that could never be found otherwise. Times surely have changed and personally, I still like the slow Internet with the amazing-ness of its novelty. Because, what are you going to do with faster net if checking your Twitter and Facebook profile is all you do?
So, here are some good sites that you could invest your time into, if you can spare time from the chit-chats and weird quizzes on Facebook.
1. www.happynews.com: We need happiness in our lives. Now that it is settled, we need to find a way to get the news and friends finding the most gruesome pictures possible and tagging you is not actually doing a lot of good for that. So, here comes happynews.com. They find the most uplifting, heart-warming stories from journalists and popular websites and post them here. The site is quite popular and their credo says it all, “We believe virtue, goodwill and heroism are hot news. That's why we bring you up-to-the-minute news, geared to lift spirits and inspire lives."
2. stuffnoonetoldme.blogspot.com: There are hundreds of thousands of blogs out there about every thing imaginable. Most of them don't make much sense and are mostly pointless. Stuff no one told me however is not one of them. Alex Noriega, a 29 year-old cartoonist from Barcelona, runs the blog and this is a brilliant creation about things that no one ever tells us. The drawing is really good and it's a blog worth checking out.
3. www.boston.com/bigpicture: Most of us might not understand every little detail about photography but we still enjoy pictures that are beautifully magnificent in general. The Boston Globe's site has this big picture section, which is primarily news stories in photographs, but they are much more. They give you the insight into today's world. And they have a great way of doing so. Seeing all the pictures of different cultures and countries just makes you want to say it out loud that 'the world is just awesome!'
4. www.fmylife.com: Remember how I said listening to other people's sad tales might have an adverse effect on your life? Well, it just might not! When you know that you are going to fail a test or the cute guy/girl that you have been crushing on is asking your best friend out (probably through you), reading how other people are so smitten with love and how they are so incredibly lucky might not be the best of ideas. And for times like those, we have this website, so you know how people are worse off than you are and stop whining.
By Musarrat Rahman
Once upon a time, in a land far away, music was known as rock n' roll, or pop, or metal, or disco. Alas, those days are now but a distant memory in the far corners of our grandfather's minds. Now, post-Marxist-Afro-Cuban-Psychedelic-Experimental-Punk bands (and many more other hilarious/obscure genres) are making an appearance. When there was once Country, now there's country-rock, rockabilly, neotraditional country pop, cowpunk etc. What has the world come to?
Here's a list of the most bizarre genres that people with a lot of free time on their hands came up with:
Cuddlecore - What is that? Is it like Slayer singing love songs?
Screendoor - Alternative + country rock.
Shoegaze - The soundtrack for your love affairs with your shoes.
Melodic Viking Battle Metal - The pop songs the Vikings grooved to, to get them in the mood for battle.
Freak Folk - Crazy people who sing folk music.
Cowpunk - When hillbillies go wild.
Spacesynth - Instrumental upbeat synth music that focuses on melodies (Driving basslines, catchy synth riffs, sci-fi influences and futuristic track titles) instead of rhythm.
Epic Doom Metal - According to the scholars at Wikipedia, “for the uninitiated, distinguishing epic doom from traditional doom may be difficult.” So it's like plain vanilla doom metal but epic.
Lowercase -Silence broken only by random barely audible noises.
Bitpop - (NOT to be confused with Britpop) The music from old video games sans the fun playing said video games.
Toytown - Rave music based on children's programmes like Sesame Street, Blues Clues and Dora the Explorer.
Wizard Rock - Made famous by a band called Harry and the Potters. Original!
Post-modern Laptop Rap - (may also be Nerdcore, this writer is beyond caring at this point) Invented by nerds who have nowhere else to be on a Friday night.
Timelord Rock - (also known as Trock) A genre focusing on songs for Doctor Who.
Glitch -Songs made of computer noises.
Mathcore - A chance for math geeks to pick up chicks. This genre uses mathematical formulas or something. Who cares?
Bubblegum Pop - Pop music for tweens.
Pirate Metal - Needs no explanation.
There are countless others of these funny, nonsensical genres such as spazzcore, loungecore, snare euphoria, chipstep, Casio dub - that seem to pop up like Medusa's snake hair.
If you've got a Youtube/Facebook/random blog along with lots of free time, no friends and no life whatsoever, you too can make your own genre! Just string along a few random words together like rainbow, buttercup, flute, hair, yellow, bed, xylophone or zucchini and add the word core to it. You'll be famous baby!