Werewolves vs Street Dogs
The clock strikes midnight on All Hallows' Eve. As you read the RS by torchlight under the safety of your favourite kantha, something stirs outside. There is a long howl. Werewolves have been roaming the streets of Dhaka. The overpopulated city was perfect hunting ground. The only problem was those flea-ridden beasts - the ones that the city lovingly called neri kukurs.
They assemble in packs, the Dhakaiya street dogs. The werewolves gather strength as a full moon comes out to watch the showdown. The streets of Dhanmondi fill with their unearthly sounds. Barking and swearing, they size each other up. The werewolves have fangs, claws and physical strength - the full works. But the neri kukurs have rabies, fleas and they stink worse than the garbage they eat from. The werewolves can smell them from a mile away. They are already starting to think that this was a bad idea.
The big dogs strike the first blow. Twenty neri kukurs go flying with a single swipe of a paw. But they're not giving in that easy. They're fiercer than any werewolf, and have the advantage of speed, having plenty of practice running from policemen. The werewolves give chase and the kukurs lead them to Road 9/A, where they have a not-so-pleasant surprise waiting for their not-so-welcome guests. The kukurs have recruited their cousins from the crematory grounds. Now if you thought street dogs are scary, an encounter with these will help put things into perspective. The 'shoshaner kukurs' are said to be possessed by the spirits of the cremated people, and have extra protein in their diets from living off the graveyard.
But even though having the undead on their side helped, the neri kukurs didn't have silver. Heck, they didn't even know what it looked like. But when one of the more educated graveyard dogs revealed that it was hard and shiny, the kukurs' Dholaikhal representative was quickly called in. After some searching, a rich gangsta kid's stolen bling was found to do the job. The kukurs were holding off the werewolves nicely, and this struck the final blow.
After the first few of them fell, the rest gave in quite easily. The werewolves really stood no chance. Plus, the smell was getting to them. They surrendered meekly, promising never to set their furry paws on Dhaka again. They left with their half-bitten tails between their legs, some with the neri kukurs' teeth still firmly attached to them. 'Curse those meddling mutts,' they muttered as they waited for the moon to rise once more.
Frankie Go Home
Take some oversized dead body parts and stitch them together in a haphazard way, dip the whole thing in a pool of green slime and leave it there for forty minutes. Toss in a few lightning bolts to the mixture and stir for five to ten minutes, and what do you get? The end result is a green, misunderstood killer known to the world as Frankenstein.
Now meet Frankenstein's opponent(s) in this Halloween death match, The Jinn Brothers (Taak and Topak). To those of you who are not aware of the Jinn Brothers - a.k.a the original brothers of destruction, they are the two evil monsters who made their television debut in Alif Layla. Taak Jinn, like Frankenstein, is also a giant. He is stronger than the Hulk, the orange dude from fantastic four and Frankenstein put together and his height is estimated to be over twelve feet. Super strength is not the only thing that makes this monster so impressive. Taak is also a master magician and rumour has it that he learned the art of magic from Aladdin's Genie. Taak can also fly, teleport and he can conjure up anything with just a slight nod of his head. Taak has an evil laugh, a Chinese goatee and he is also green. Topak, Taak's younger brother, has all the qualities of his elder brother but he is red. So that makes him a little less awesome.
The contract has been signed and Frankenstein is set to square off against the Jinn brothers at Ceasar's Palace in Las Vegas. This match was said to be bigger than the Ali vs. Frazier match and it was. Because you know, they are all literally bigger than Ali and Frazier. However, the match did not live up to all the hype. Taak easily knocked out Frankenstein in the first round, with a series of lightning fast left hooks and a killer upper cut. And just like that it was all over. The fans, including yours truly, were very disappointed because we did not get to see Topak in action. But a win is a win, so I guess we Bangladeshis should be celebrating.
After the match Taak got huge endorsement deals and he is now the brand ambassador of Nike, Gatorade and for some strange reason Victoria's Secret. Topak is set to star in the next Rocky movie alongside Julia Roberts.
By Alvi Ahmed
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