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Banglar Boyati

We had almost everything we needed in music: riffs, leads, double-basses stirring up our blood; but boredom is common with repetition. And unclear song lyrics that one could hardly remember enough to mutter tunelessly. Until one Bengali appeared in orange clothes. He's Boyati, Kuddus Boyati. This man surfaced with his "own" genre, 'Boyati' as he terms it, which actually resembles more of the Bangla Folk. It must be his lyrics, full of innuendos that dart the brain and you only chuckle. And his group with the dhol, tambourine, traditional bamboo flutes and the ektara; actually popularised by writer Humayun Ahmed through his plays.

The best part is, he never switched from his regular Mymensingh accent and it certainly sounds good. It's sad how Boyati is kept shadowed. Neither a suitable facebook page nor his totally complete songs can be found on the internet. There are only cutouts of his TV channel videos on Youtube, uploaded by people for unsubtle mockery. Here are some of his popular numbers.

Jomunar Jol Dekhte Kalo-
If you are lucky enough with a less quirky music video of this song, you will see his long rope of wavy hair. No, he doesn't head bang. He moves it sideways. A soft gesture to use his hair. The song is actually his own way of unfolding the truth and disclosing how he dumped his girlfriend. And there is a soap-part in this song, where he wind-mills his head and fakes applying soap on his body. What a blessing this man is! He is not a Disney princess, yet doubles as both actor and singer.

Amar Pagla Ghora Re-
Boyati treats his Ghora as his metaphor for life in this song. He sings about how life takes us to murky and other fairytale type situations, and you only sigh to that. The better part is he never wastes his time with unconventional words of wisdom. He can melt hearts by saying, 'Ami Boyati, bisseder aguney puresi' (burnt in the fire of departure, in Mymensingh). You'll know what he's singing about.

Agey ki shundor din kataytam-
This song's from Shah Abdul Karim but he sings it quite well. He runs all over the stage portraying one's good old days. His heavy rotations include Morjina, Ator golap etc.

He has even done concerts in Hollywood and was received with worthy praise. Maybe if he stayed some more there he could come up with more aesthetic music videos then these. Have no fear; he's soon coming up with his very first album. And don't fluff him for simple Bauls. He did the Gazi Tank ad.

By Fahim Rezwan

Let's Play 'Match the Characters’

We look around in awe at those well-known yet unknown people we grew up with at school. We remember them as the jock or the diva but now we cannot put them in that same mould anymore. So what happens to each character as they grow up? Is there a formula for the way we change and what we change into, depending on what we were? With a few individuals in mind, we have constructed the following hypothesis. [Any resemblance to any person, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Honestly!]

The Geeks - These are those guys whose discussions and existence revolved around studies and only studies. After school ends, they start the journey of enjoying life and experiment a lot! Many live the wild life for a short while but after a big bad 'C' in an important course at university, most find their way back to a geek, now with a bad sense of style.

The Jock - These self-obsessed popular sportsmen of school are found to be suffering from an identity crisis. They discover early in University life that their flashy football manoeuvres or highly jelled hair no longer attract the best girls, who now prefer the brainy geeks to the muscular jocks. With their self-image shattered they end up staring into the mirror at their abs [read: flabs].

The Diva - The girl who had the best dresses, the 'clique' and the longest list of admirers; well… she ends up being the career girl! She had her fun with the clothes, then with the boys and finally the only avenue left unconquered is the commercial world. So that is where she struts into next, in her stilettos.

The Tomboy - That sweaty, dirty girl who proclaimed that boys are just good pals, well she is nothing but a late bloomer. So you may confuse her, after a few years, with the diva. Having been around boys most of her life she knows every trick to their hearts, so once she blooms she is the smartest flirt there is.

The Bitchy Girls/Wannabe Divas - These are those who make up the 'clique' of the diva. Desperate for attention they cling to the diva in school to feed off any discarded ounce of her aura. Once school ends they no longer have the diva for guidance and end up as a group of over-the-top, made-up, brainless, shrieking, 'woo-hoo' girls. (eww)

The Teacher's Pet - Yes he is hated by schoolmates, than university-mates and finally colleagues. Old habits die hard so they end up licking the bosses shoes after they are done licking the teachers' feet. Oh, one way of identifying them is to look out for a long monologue about their petty successes exaggerated into elaborate stories, whenever you meet him.

The Student Leader - She is either studying law to change the constitution of the country or marching in the Dhaka University rally to change the government of the nation. With her charisma and ability to convince, she talks her way out of every sticky situation so when you meet her, please don't blame her for not being in touch; she knows how to turn that around and make it all your fault.

The Junkie - They disappear on you, since they are either dead or dying or lying in a dump somewhere, homeless.

Before you launch an investigation [read: google search] for this reporter's home address, allow yours truly to remind you that this is only a hypothesis. It was never stated that there are any facts to prove the above, so if you fall in any of the bad classifications up there and the bitter truth is hurting, well you made the wrong decision in life, buddy.

By Raisaa Tashnova

Cooking for Dummies

One moment you are harmlessly sitting on the couch trying to find a single channel that does not have Indian movie stars' shampoo endorsements on, the next moment, fate stumbles you onto a cooking show. You probably had no prior interest in cooking or anything related to that, and thought food came from the dining room and materialised some time after you ordered; suddenly you are hit by the miracle of cooking.

10 minutes into the show, you are completely hooked and are a self proclaimed 'foodie'. What you do not know is this is where it all starts. Next thing you know it's 2:30 in the morning and you are spending your insomniac hours on the marvels of Mongolian cuisine.

It might have been alright if you stumbled onto the occasional dose of cook shows, but religiously watching every single cooking show on television is not exactly considered 'healthy'. From Nigella Lawson to Kylie Kwang, from Bobby Chan to Anthony Bourdain, from Siddiqa Kabir's Rannaghor to weird Nicaraguan cuisine than involves iguana eggs and maggoty cheese; from Masterchef to Top Chef to Hell's Kitchen, nothing tires you. You want to see it all.

Then comes the time when you start thinking that just watching the shows are not enough for you. You need to get to the cooking bit. It is then that you realise the brutal fact of life: What you normally see on TV is not exactly how you are supposed to act in real life. Your day doesn't end with the hour long show which mainly consists of you describing the 'salty sugariness' of the dish you cooked. Shame, isn't it?

To your mom's utter dismay, you start to spend more and more time in the kitchen, not to help her out, obviously, but to make a huge mess while you pursue your culinary career.

Your cooking show starts with the secrets of making the perfect boiled water, then move onto boiling eggs and instant noodles. By the time you learn to make scrambled eggs, you are somewhat of a cooking legend. Sadly though, that's the high point of your short-lived career.

By then, the cook of the house becomes so annoyed that s/he has decided to not cook again, mostly due to your criticisms about food. While you plan on cooking a 5 course meal for your family, they run to seek help from the nearby restaurant. That's when you tell yourself they haven't learned to explore their palate yet.

People have stopped inviting you to their homes because apparently your never ending 'suggestions' about how to make their food taste better is considered impolite. And apparently it's not very sane to describe the food you are eating in vivid details if you do not have a camera crew with you.

Frustrated with peoples' complete lack of interest in your infinite knowledge in food, you start watching a dance reality show. Suddenly you have an epiphany. Dancing was your real passion all along. Cooking was never meant for you. You need to sing, dance your way through life, like we see in countless 'real-life-inspired' movies. Cooking is for dummies.

By Orin


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