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Rebel, Rebel

I'm afraid they have little purpose in life, these creatures, and proportionally huge hormonal imbalances.

Rebel rebel, you've torn your dress
They don't care, evidently, nothin' 'bout nobody. And they'll prove it too, in their distressed jeans and gunmetal-grey t-shirts, crumpled to perfection. There's an ironing-board and even an ironing-dude, but ironed clothes are for dweebs and twelve year olds, p-p-please.

You may catch them at night, attacking their garments with scissors, because Mommy once said ripped clothes are for tramps. They'll avoid their tramp reflections and walk a tramp walk, straining tramp ears for Mommy's civilised gasp. She doesn't disappoint, not ever.

Rebel rebel, your face is a mess
Panda circles etched round their eyes and glitter smeared across cheekbones. They didn't even own the make-up till Grandma said not to grow up too fast. Now they add a little extra gloss before bidding her goodbye everyday. She tuts. They bat their caked lashes innocently.

And they've lined their ears with metal, though it hurt like hell and it's a downright pain to match the earrings. The boys are doing it too, now, sparkle, sparkle. Daddy said no, so they did it six more times.

Hey babe, your hair's alright
It was actually quite nice, once upon a time: thick and brushed and exuding health. Don't try all those strange movie-star cuts, they were told. Make sure you oil it. Don't shampoo it too often, it'll get ruined. And for goodness' sake don't use that disgusting gel. For goodness' sake don't use those terrible straightening machines.

They tried it all, Brad Pitt, Hrithik Roshan, Lady Gaga. They didn't bother with the oil, but made sure to shampoo their hair everyday. And they didn't, for goodness' sake, stay away from the styling gel or the straighteners. And now the girls finger their straggly, dried out rattails with satisfaction, and the boys smugly add more gunk to their slimy spikes. The aunties sigh.

You're a juvenile success
Ah, the adults were at it again, lamenting the ways of today's youth. How beyadob young people were these days, sullen and deliberately disobedient. And how strange they looked as well, almost as if they were trying to shock people. All these piercings and make-up and wearing torn clothes as if they couldn't afford any better. Appalling. And of course, the cause was obvious. Hollywood. Daughters and nieces and granddaughters all learning shameless habits from the half-naked American women. And the boys, all wanting to be gangsters. What kind of behaviour was this?

Oh, oh, so how could they know?
They were too naive, the grown-ups. When they claimed that they were deliberately disobeyed, they didn't realised how very deliberately. They were handling a troublesome breed of creatures, with a drive in their blood that compelled them to walk around and defy. They had no aim; they had not even a reason. But no, they wouldn't agree. No, they wouldn't listen. No, they would not turn the music down, though they thought it was mindless noise themselves.

You can't get enough, though enough ain't the test

They're rebels without causes. They'll grow up. Eventually.

(Lines in italics are lyrics from “Rebel Rebel” by David Bowie.)

By Grasshopper


Local Motors

The brainchild of John “Ray” Rogers (an ex-marine) and Jeff Jones, Local Motors is the world's first real life Lego set. Go to localmotors.com and become a member, then, if you know how, start a design process and build the car of your dreams - it's that simple. Anyone can be a member at Local Motors and if you have any shred of creative talent in you, you can show it off in the various competitions and threads on the forum.

This is how it works: a competition is launched by another member/potential customer detailing the build requirements and production feasibility issues; registered members work on the design taking in all the perimeters and then upload them; registered members then vote on the designs; the highest voted designs undergo a feasibility study by Local Motors engineers; a “Local” factory is set up where the car's components are chosen from existing manufacturer parts bins; if the designer wants, he/she can participate in the actual production process and maybe even buy the finished product.

Sounds simple? Not really. There are several issues behind the whole process, and as such, only members with a design degree are good enough or knowledgeable enough to win a competition. That shouldn't discourage any would-be amateur designers from having a go. Be careful though, since Local Motors is an ultra-niche manufacturer (if you could call it even that) and they don't want rehashed versions of current cars. Come up with something bold and outrageous enough (while staying within the boundaries of reality) or else you're sure to be shot down.

Local Motors' first production car was the Rally Fighter from late 2010. Its designer, Sangho Kim, now works for General Motors. The Rally Fighter is an off road, Baja rally-inspired, fully legal road car built from various manufacturer parts. Google Image it, and if you look really closely, those rear lights are lifted straight off a '07 Honda Civic Si. The suspension components are from Fox, the setup being the same as those from the Ford Raptor sports pickup truck. Insane amounts of suspension travel; super high ride height and a mean, aggressive custom body mounted on a three litre straight six diesel engine from BMW make this one fighter Mark Wahlberg would be proud of.

The site itself is very user friendly and quite funky, with the added bonus of having tags for each member distinguishing them from one another: whether you're a visitor, member, designer, builder, owner or winner, the site makes sure everyone knows who you are.

With several new concepts in the works, Local Motors is an exercise in innovative craftsmanship and business practices. Watch out for more cool cars from LM.

Oh, and if you ever come across designs submitted by one “ceres4afe” while trawling through localmotors.com, be sure to leave a thumbsup.

By Shaer Reaz


CrickiLeaks

Ever since the “men in blue” won the world cup, every time you turn the TV on you are bound to see a commercial involving an Indian cricketer. Whether it's MS Dhoni sweating profusely, Virender Shewag dancing with the latest Bollywood sensation or Sachin Tendulkar getting dressed by a bunch of kids, these ads are everywhere. Love it or hate it, you have to get used to it if you want to watch TV for the next four years. So in order to get back at those Indians for ruining our TV time, yours truly will reveal some of the most embarrassing secrets we heard while spying in the Indian dressing room during the ICC World Cup.

1. After winning the World Cup, cricketing “God” Sachin Tendulkar got seriously angry because the trophy was taller than him. He had to get on Yusuf Pathan's shoulders to touch the top half of the trophy.

2. During half time of the final game, the Indian cricketers had a very long discussion about Mahela Jayawardene, before they came out to chase. No, not because of Mahela's brilliant ton, they were discussing how someone like Mahela Jayawardene (face it, he's not the best looking man in cricket), scored such a beautiful wife.

3. It seems a lot of Bollywood celebrities have suddenly taken up an interest in cricket. Which is good for the game in certain ways, but seriously do these people have any idea what on earth is going on in the field? When Amir Khan, who came to show his support for the “men in blue” during the final game was asked whether he was enjoying the match, he said “This is an amazing game of cricket. Dhoni is a very good goal keeper and I hope Sachin gets his 100th goal today.” Yeah he's got that right!

4. Virat Kohli and Sachin Tendulkar's kids went to school together.

5. Sachin has been playing cricket since before the sport was invented.

6. When Sir Don Bradman was a kid his biggest dream was to grow up and be a batsman like Sachin Tendulkar.

7. Sachin grew up playing cricket with Father Time and Fred Flintstone.

8. Indian commentator Ravi Shastri was praising Sachin's display of amazing footwork when he was taking a walk back to the pavilion.

9. Every cricketer has a favourite place to perform. For Sachin it's the Wankhede Stadium in Mumbai, for Shewag, it's the Feroz Shah Kotla stadium in Delhi. For MS Dhoni, his favourite place to perform is in the sets of commercials.

10. The only thing richer than an Indian cricketer is an Indian cricketer with talent and who knows how to ACTUALLY play cricket.

Before ending this article yours truly would like you to say that this article was a humour piece and is not to be taken seriously. The writer is just jealous because it was MS Dhoni lifting the World Cup at Mumbai.

By Alvi Ahmed

 
 

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