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Killer Occupations

There are so many jobs out there people would kill to have... and more that could kill.

Gravity Research Subjects
Sounds cool right? Well, I'm sure that anyone who had to lie in bed for 21 days would think otherwise. Imagine lying down for 21 days, peeing in a bedpan and showering with a hand-held shower head lying down. It takes a special kind of motivation and patience and some serious I-will-not-go-crazy-or-die-of-boredom skills. Something most of us lack. Horribly.

Whale Faeces Researcher
This awesome (?) profession was invented by a woman named Rosalind Rolland. She realised that the best way to learn more about whales was to go through their poop. It has hormones, genetic material and other scientifically important stuff. As for the method of collection... whale poop floats for about an hour after... you know. They just scoop up the oily, orange-brown chunks and store them in plastic containers to pick through later.

Poultry Farmers
Simply put, intensive chicken farming is gross. Rows and rows of broiler chicken are caged on shelves and raised to become fat as fast as possible. The process isn't as bad in Bangladesh yet, but it's getting there. For the people who have to take care of the farm er murgi, life is bad. The stench is unbearable; due to the large amount of collected droppings, the air becomes filled with ammonia... the rest you can imagine. I wonder if any of the farmers ever have must-rip-off-murgi's-head urges...

Hippopotamus Keeper
Need I say more? To give you a few ideas, think of how animals mark their territory. Well, hippos are no exception. They urinate backwards to mark their territory. Not only that, the hippo takes territorial to a new level. While they remove their faecal material from their body they spin their tail... to ahem, spread it around. Now imagine the terrified face of the keeper.

Hazmat People
They swim through it all, sewage, nuclear waste, all sorts of hazardous substances. With heavy suits to protect them against all kinds of toxic substances, it's hard enough to move. Even then they have to be careful not to pierce their suit on sharp objects that might be floating in the dirty liquid, which could be deadly. There's a limited air supply and the heat becomes unbearable. Not to mention the amazing view.

Cloth Diaper Cleaner
Yeah, we didn't know this job existed either. Don't people usually use disposable diapers these days? And isn't cleaning the diaper the parents' job? Well, for some people this is actually a profession. If you don't believe us, Google it.

Odour Judge
Odour judges are high in demand. They are used by mouthwash companies, air freshener companies, bathroom air freshener companies and one very unique man in Minneapolis who wanted to determine which substance caused people to pass the most foul-smelling gas. That's right. People passed gas into little containers and two incredibly unlucky odour judges sat and *ahem* evaluated the stench. Now that's a job that could kill.

By Sifana Sohail


Jobs We Want

One of the most frequently asked questions to a kid is: 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' You might have picked rocket scientist or an astronaut as a career back then, being totally sure of your future self, but as a teen you might have to rethink, mostly because of the one digit numbers you have been receiving in math.

No matter how woeful the report card is most of us cannot escape work. Sadly. And while parents might not be too enthusiastic about your future, there are still pretty awesome jobs around for you to land.

One of the coolest jobs that anyone can imagine is being a Chocolate/Ice cream taster. All day you get to eat all the chocolate or ice-cream your company allows and tell them how they should improve the taste. The only bad side could be the fact that after a long day of work a cup of hot chocolate or ice-cream would not be very appealing. Apart from the testers at the candy company, there are also freelance tasters who taste and blog about the flavours. Pretty sweet job actually.

Although it might come as a surprise, there is an actual job as a luxury bed tester. Different hotels hire bed experts to sleep and review them. They sleep in the beds every day of the month and get paid quite generously for that. Yeah, we should be jealous.

Six-year-old Sam Pointon landed himself a job as The Director of Fun in a museum in the UK. He mostly suggests to his bosses how the museum can be a fun place for kids. What more could a six year old possibly hope for?

No matter what, one of the top jobs in the world has to be the Island caretaker job that was dubbed as the 'best job in the world' by the advertisers. Ben Southall beat around 35,000 other applicants to land the job. He has to take care of the paradise island near Great Barrier Reef and has to write a blog promoting the place. He has a three room villa with swimming pool and yeah, the whole island all to himself.

There are people who taste tea, there are people who earn a living being a rollercoaster tester, and there are those who are cyclist photographers for Google maps. If those weren't good enough, just to tease the general populous, there are food critics and travel writers. Think of how they are paid to eat, travel around the world and basically have the time of their lives while we sit on a couch wishing we could be them. This is the best job in the world, according to yours truly.

A dream job for every guy would have to be the host of the show Top Gear. The show is the funniest and best TV show about cars. Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May travel around the world testing supercars, wear jeans to their office (which is an abandoned airplane hanger) and generally have loads of fun. A typical day at work might include racing a Bugatti Veyron against a jet.

The world is wide open and the possibilities are endless. So next time your parents prepare for a lecture starting with 'What do you want to do with your life?' answer that you want to be a video game tester or something awesome. Their reactions should be fun.

By Orin


Sup-sup-sup Supaman, Supaaa Man!

Once upon a time, in a planet faaar, faaaar away, there lived a race of humanoid creatures that had some sort of a planetary dress code: everything (down to their shoes) in white. They ate, danced, did weird things with crystals and achieved supreme technological advancements rivalling the Autobots and their Cube-thing. But all of a sudden, disaster occurred and the whole planet was destroyed and a baby was sent to space to find a place to continue the bloodline of the Kryptonians. That kid reached earth and found superiority through the rays of the sun and became Superman. Thus his adventures began that spawned five official films.

And one Bangla film, which has superior CG effects (cut scenes from the first 3 Hollywood films), zero amount of annoying characters (no Lois Lane), a super-girl with equally impressive dress sense, super villains (Zod phails so much), super songs, super mushy romance and super-BGM (sup-sup-sup Supaman, sup-sup-sup Supaman, SUPAAAAMAN). And the name of the movie is (drum roll) Banglar Superman.

In order to tone down the violence and cruelty of a race becoming extinct overnight and to make it child and kajer bua-friendly, the awesome directors of this movie modified the storyline quite a bit. Three white-clad super-villains suddenly attack the planet and kill everyone except our Supaman's parents. It was all but a blur as I saw people flying around yelling and dying just like that (but it was better than a race getting wiped out by climate hazards: less gore). And due to some weird chain of events Supaman's parents trap themselves (or the supervillains trap them) in some kind of a mirror and send it to infinite space. Before this happened, Supaman's parents sent their child on a spaceship to our planet. And what a coincidence! Supaman lands on Bangladesh and gets adopted by a family who also had a daughter. Things are getting heated up. *Grabs blanket to cover the cold legs*

Our Supaman started finding out about his abilities from early childhood. All of a sudden he found some weird silky white costumes and decided to fly around the city at night time. At that point in the movie, I suddenly realised why Batman can't get 'bhaat' around here: Supaman is our night time vigilante.

Now after a song, some symbolic shots and I-grow-up-while-singing-a-song, Supaman suddenly grows up; and decides to wear weird clothes. And starts saving damsels in distress. Along the way he meets up with a fat Amazonian girl who generally gets more attention than the other females in the movie. Guess she is our heroine. Everything seemed to go on smoothly and I even excused myself to respond to the calls of nature.

But all good things must come to an end. So in a desperate attempt to bring some climax to the story, suddenly the supervillains come to Dhaka after a superb display of CG. They pawn Supaman and look set to kill him when Supaman hears a voice from heaven. Master Yoda says to him, “The Force is too strong with these supavillains”. Oh wait; it was Supaman's father who said that Supaman can turn invisible if he covers himself with his red cape. How cool is that? OUR SUPAMAN CAN TURN INVISIBLE OMI-GOD. Supaman escapes and the supavillains take refuge in his house. Irony!

They try to do some typical-Bangla-film-villain thing with Supaman's adoptive sister and nearly succeed. But Supaman saves the day by teaming up with Supagirl. Oh wait, did I tell you that the Amazonian gal is also from Krypton and is supposed to be Supaman's archrival or mate or something like a kryptonite to Supaman, because he starts losing power once he approaches her.

My god! This movie is messing up my head! Inception was way easier to understand than this. But wait, why is our bua crying? What part of this movie moved her so much? Well I guess the following facts might move one to tears:

1. Supaman can turn invisible and thus can kick Superman's ass.

2. Supaman can dance and sing unlike Superman who can only be the man of steel.

3. Supaman can stand smiling while Dildar jumps in front of him, breaking the fourth wall and asking for blessings from the audience.

4. Supaman is more awesome than any superhero.

I want Banglar Spidaman (Makorsha Manob), Banglar Batman and Banglar Catwoman. Oh wait, not the last one! NEVER the last one!

By Ero Senin

   

 

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