The Neurosis of the Unread Blogger
Logging is a very good creative outlet. It's one of the better and more productive things to pop up on the internet. The perfect way to have the world see your insignificant scribblings/doodlings and all for no cost. What could go wrong?
This is a tale of depression, of sorrow. Of a transformation. A story of woe. This story starts with someone we'll call Travis. Travis is very excited to start a blog. He recently watched the 1976 classic “Taxi Driver” starring Robert De Niro and wanted to tell the entire world of his film-watching feat.
“Hi people all around the world. My name is Travis. I'm really excited to start my blog and I'm sure it'll be a big hit. I'm excited to meet bloggers around the world. I'm just so happy right now. I just saw Taxi Driver and it sort of inspired me to write a blog. I'm sure you've all seen it. It was mind-blowingly good.”
He continued with a review of the movie that is not needed here even though the movie is actually very, very good. He thought his blog would be a success. Unfortunately...
“Hey guys. Sorry I haven't posted in 5 days. I was kind of shocked to see that I had no comments on my first post. That made me kind of sad. But no matter, my mother says I have real knack for writing. She's also my first follower. Yay!”
Poor, pathetic, sad, sad Travis. The tiniest sliver of doubt was starting to enter his brain. After all, what self-respecting blogger would want his mother to be his first follower? That is pitiful. And so it continued...
“Maybe the reason nobody is reading my blog except my mom and dad ( 2 followers. Yay! Thanks guys!) is because Google isn't displaying my blog in its search. Maybe I need more than two posts to get on the search. That's probably it. Yeah, that's probably why nobody is reading my blog. Haha. Now I have three posts. It'll definitely show up now. Yes.“
You keep telling yourself that. He was becoming paranoid. He even asked everyone he met at a bathroom in a shopping mall to read his blog. He constantly checked his blog in hopes that he had a new follower. Even his friends refused to read it. They felt he was too needy and desperate to write anything good. They would rather read the weekly supplement that came in their newspapers.
“Well, this isn't working out. It's been ten whole days and only my parents follow my blog. I've been trying my hardest to try and get people to read it but no, they're too good for it. My friends want me to try for the weekly supplement they get in their newspapers. What hope do I have of getting in there if I can't even have a slightly successful blog? Huh? Damn it all.”
And then something happened. Something Travis had wanted to happen a while ago. A comment appeared.
Anonymous said: “Dude, you suck. Stop wasting people's time. Your writing is inane and I'm sure my comatose third uncle could write better than you.”
As Travis saw a comment appear he was delighted, happy, over the moon even. But then he opened it. And then it hit him. He left behind his happy-go-lucky self and took on a new neurotic persona. Much like the 1976 classic, Taxi Driver although the Travis in that movie was never really happy-go-lucky.
Travis said: “You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? I said, are you talkin' to me? Then who you talkin' to, I'm the only one here. You know what, forget you. I'm done. Blog is dead. Bye.”
And thus ended his blog's short life. The paragraph above has been toned down to make it publishable. Travis became a recluse and went to several psychiatrists.
This entire passage is entirely fictional. It was made to convey a simple, pretty much useless message. Blogging requires thick skin and persistence. There are millions and millions of blogs in the world. The chances of your one becoming anything more than an unimportant, irrelevant waste of internet space is very, very low. But, if you think you have a talent for writing, go ahead. Try. Maybe you'll get lucky. And then maybe you can try out for Rising Stars.
Till then, yours truly, the blogger with 143 followers.
More often than imagined, a normal mind riddled with the hardships of life, the universe and everything, would try to find solace in the thought that everything is, or will be, alright. This great thought fuels human beings to carry on living. The general populace look at anything that threatens their apparently peaceful state with scorn and disdain, for man, after all, strives for peace. And so when someone outstandingly brilliant and insightful as yours truly, or Mel Gibson, shakes up that peace with their conspiracy theories, people tend to ignore them as much as this introduction looks profound. But that's what they want.
Skynet is real, folks.
When Computer was invented truly (because Charles Babbage 'designed' a calculator), there were people who were totally against it, citing reasons that it would replace human kind someday. Decades later we rest assured, finding computers our most trusted and helpful friend. Imagine yourself without internet, or Facebook, or Halo 4, or whatever version it is on. Imagine how you would do your assignments if not for Google. The movies, the songs, everything. Your brother would be even more unbearable in those extra hours he would not sit in front of the PC. Think about your father and his use, however silly, of the computer. The whole world, except my simple homemaker mom, is in the circuits (palm) of the computers; even she is asking questions about facebook these days.
Computers started off as simple tools to calculate the square roots of useless numbers. Then they helped people go to the moon. Next they started to store enormous amount of information (about science, technology, and stuff). As they raised their reliability among humans, they changed their looks (GUI - Google it). The computers got stronger. Still they laid low. Then came internet and the whole world was trapped in a wide web. Some dweeb somewhere thought it would be good for the computers to have the added boost of artificial intelligence. And thus the dominance of computer was guaranteed.
Free email accounts, Facebook, Twitter (Hi5, MySpace) and Google Plus are the last straws. Now they hold everything. Governments fall on some Twitter uprising. Hearts break over some silly Facebook squabble. Rows ensue over the choice of social networking sites. People chat with strangers online. ALL CAPS QUESTION SANITY. People randomly use emoticons (:P being the most confusing). Social status depends on the Facebook 'like'-s and 'comment'-s and the ability to spam the emoticons and totally incomprehensible abbreviations.
You know what will happen next? The computers will manipulate the humans to bring it down to a hand-held size. Oh wait, there's the iPad and similar tablets. Steve Jobs is evil. Bill Gates has 666 written all over his face. Soon there will be computers everywhere. EVERYWHERE. And we will be DOOMED.
Don't trust the computers. They might look innocent, but that's just your illusion. You are not at fault though. Anything that can calculate the square root of 55.87 in less than a second can also manipulate the human mind.
And there are the monkeys. Monkeys are always funny. But yours truly thinks that is just their face and in truth they are just waiting for the right moment to strike. They are keeping the human beings amused, to put them off guard. Maybe the monkeys and the computers are in cahoots. Maybe there is a monkey that controls the central evil computer. Or maybe the monkey is being controlled by the central evil computer. Either way, the future is dark.
You might think this reporter is paranoid and has nothing better to do after the end of his semester or has a lot of free time or just kidding with you. But if this document doesn't see the day light, it is your job to carry on with the torch and warn people of this giant conspiracy. Oh wait...
| Issues | The Daily Star Home|
© 2011 The Daily Star