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PLANET RS

So apparently it's a brand new year and we're supposed to be all excited about moving forward and leaving the old year behind. Clearly hindsight is not so perfect when focusing on extremely recent things. Does that mean you stop looking back? Nope. Remembering the good and forgetting the bad is pretty stupid. Does that mean you turn all your focus to the road ahead? No, because then you're thinking about your destination and ignoring the journey. Why am I being so philosophical? Because among The Hobbits and Dark Knights, there will be other pretty awesome movies. Don't miss them.

-- Kazim Ibn Sadique, Sub-editor


Ponies vs Horses
Someone said there is an important difference and in a fit of benevolence we let them write. Or ramble.

Homer Simpson: “Isn't there a pound where you can pick up cheap ponies that ran away from home?”

Oh, how I wish there was one such magical place. With little children's fascination for ponies and their incessant birthday wishes for ponies, it seems to us that a pony farm or a pony pound would be a brilliant idea. Why people are still ignoring this sound business opportunity is beyond us.

A pony is not a baby horse, as some wrongly assume. It's a stunted horse, with less height, length and weight than a typical horse. So why is it awesome-er than a horse? Well, it's prettier.

Not that horses and mares (female horses) aren't pretty, they are; just… less pretty than ponies. It might be confusing considering a pony is not really a baby horse (those would be foals), but the following analogy should clear up the prettiness scale. Horses are cats. Ponies are kittens. Kittens are infinitesimally cuter than larger cats. So therefore, ponies are cuter than horses. Now comes the best part: you can never have a kitten that stays a kitten, it'll grow up and be annoying; but you can always have a pony and it'll never grow larger. It will only wither away and die, given enough time. The fun of having a pony will last as long as it is alive, something around 25 years.

If ponies are like kittens (baby cats) in terms of cuteness factor, then consider the cuteness of a baby pony (a pony foal). Feel free to go ahead and puke rainbows, since your mind is overflowing with the “awwww” effect. Unlike horse foals, which can be trained to do light work like pull small carts, pony foals are utterly useless. They will sleep around, need frequent care and nursing, and sit there looking pretty.

However, ponies usually have more applications than a proper horse. It's easier to pull a cart using an adult pony than an adult horse, due their manageable size. They also make good rides for children and inexperienced riders at fairs and such, since they're really friendly, and awesome. Pony applications depend on their type and size. Australian ponies are usually very large and are used for racing, riding and other forms of competition. The stunted Shetland pony, the smallest breed of pony, is too small to be ridden by adults and is used for pulling and load carrying, making use of their surprising strength.

A pony is not something to be laughed at, though. Like a horse, a pony carries enough strength to kick a man's chest and cave it in. Also, it will look very pretty doing it.

We should all own a pony. Sell your car, buy a pony. When you do, give us a call and we'll come help. Pony farms equal big bucks, guaranteed

By Shaer Phony Pony Reaz


Quaking Rules Just in case 2012 is real

We Bangladeshis are generally too awesome to be brought down by puny natural disasters like floods or hurricanes. But nature knows our weakness. It knows where the chink in our armour is located, where we have an unshielded thermal exhaust port. Earthquakes. To highlight the situation, we conducted an experiment during the last time the earth decided to shrug viciously, and here is the official scientific paper.

The Hypothesis: We Cockroach-style-resilient Bangladeshis really have no idea what to do or how to behave during an earthquake.

Procedure:
1. Sitting in seat during earthquake wondering whether we were dizzy, tired, going crazy or if an earthquake was actually occurring.

2. Poking head out of the veranda and looking around during the earthquake.

3. Going online after everything stopped moving.

Observation:
1. Mind blank during first 30 seconds of earthquake.
2. People outside screaming.
3. People outside laughing.
4. People panicking.
5. People running around on the street.
6. People unfazed at the end of the earthquake/laughing/hadn't even noticed and were telling other people that they were imagining things.
7. Idiotic posts about earthquake online.

Conclusion: If a proper big earthquake were to happen in Bangladesh, we would all be crushed like a coin on a train track.

Solution: Informing the public on what NOT to do during an earthquake.

The Do Not's:
1. Do NOT run down the stairs in mob formation. Seriously, it's as if we are competing against a herd of stampeding antelopes.

2. Do NOT run around screaming “More gelam re, more gelam!” or anything of the nature.

3. Do NOT stand near anything that's likely to fall on you. Category includes wardrobes, bookshelves, cows or certain big people at the office.

4. Do NOT go online and tweet/post ridiculous things. It's highly annoying, not to mention insensitive. Also, everyone knows what they say about Karma.

5. Do NOT jump - from your bed, up and down, out of the window/veranda.

6. Do NOT go inside the elevator. It might be obvious, but so is not running around like a lunatic.

7. Do NOT slide down banisters... no matter how appealing.

8. Do NOT start/continue using anything that might shock you (electrically).

9. Do NOT try to touch things to see if they're actually shaking or not.

10. Do NOT look out of the window to see what everyone else is doing.

End Result: Hopefully we won't actually have to use these rules, now or ever.

By Sifana Sohail


Some snippets from our emails, Facebook wars and discussions held between numerous scuffles over the last piece of puri/chop/Mountain Dew. If you have something to rant about, mail us at ds.risingstars@gmail.com or go shout it out on Facebook at www.faceboook.com/DSRisingstars.

This week we had a hailstorm of comments regarding one young reader and her appreciation of her favourite teen idol Justin Bieber. The feelings are strong whether it's love or hate. Here's a glimpse of what happened. Right after a little love for us in general.

Moneesha R Kalamder (via email)
This week's issue was so good I had to sneak into a cyber cafe and write this. (I have SSC exams in a month and my parents decided I was better off without an internet connection right now.) We like ~ RS

First of all, the cover made me go Ohohoh (excuse the pun). PAGE 3 WAS OWSUM (Pun intended; nothing personal though.) Nubaira Forkan did a great job, I'm kind of hoping to see more articles of this kind. An ultra big box of gratefulness for Munawar Mobin reviewing comics. I read 'The Fashionable True Story' and I laughed. I fell of the sofa, hurt my leg and still laughed. Finally, Jawad, I bow down to you, for mere words cannot express my awe at your awesomeness.

This is for Rabiah Binte Hossain:
When somebody gives off one million to help people, it makes him/her a good Human (not a singer/artist/whatever). It's nice that you like something so much, but do you really have to announce your 'hatred' for people who don't have the same taste in music as you? Hate is a very strong word, I suggest you think again what you understand by 'hate'. If you have to have that feeling, reserve it for traitors, liars and cheats- the corrupted, not people who 'hate' Bieber. (I don't think anyone hates him, they're just tired.)

Prince MoonWalker (via email)
I just hate 'Beiber Lovers'! God, please take away Justin Beiber & give us back Michael Jackson!

Sarah Nazreen Mithila
I think the Bieber thing was brave. A lot of people dig him but no one has the guts to reveal it. Good job kid

Nafid (via email)
Wow, Bieber is actually amazing. See, he doesn't have good tone, he really can't sing, but he's so popular. He's doing something right. He gives hope to al the people who can't sing. Yeah, I'm one too.

Regarding the abuse of profile pics on Facebook

Saima Reza (via email)
I appreciate what people like Prima are doing trying to shut down sleazy pages like those on Facebook that degrade women through use of there pictures (suggestive or otherwise). Yes, these will continue. Yes, people will try to find something 'slutty' and 'naughty' in whatever they see but somebody has to stand up. Applause for what you're doing. But bottom-line: don't paste on internet what you don't want others to see.

 

 

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