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Comfortably Numb

Swirling colours. So many swirling colours. They're everywhere. Contrasting shades weaving, merging, moving fluidly in an out of their dissimilarly hued counterparts. What's going on? What the hell is this? Eyes bloodshot with a deep, dark red, he stands, mouth slightly agape, slowly inhaling in the colours. They explode out of the corners of his eyes and he violently jerks his head to follow them, only to see another explosion in the opposite direction. And so it continues.

He couldn't tell you why he does this if you asked him. He doesn't know why he does this. He just does. He just has to. They're mesmerising, he can't turn away. No, that's not right. He can turn away. But nothing will change with the physical movement of his visual field. The colours will just follow him. He can turn away but he can't escape. So there is no use. He must submit. He has no choice.

There are sounds somewhere in the distance. But still, they are deafening. Deafening yet somewhat pleasing. It reminds him of pushing people out of the way to get closer to the stage of the concert in an age long past, an age he longs for. He hears snatches of familiar riffs, of familiar lyrics. They're all around him. Dio, Maiden, Sabbath, Van Halen, GnR. Amongst the sounds of hard rock legends there is a sense of euphoria building. A purple haze is creeping in. It feels strange. Somehow he had never associated the surrealism that surrounded him with the music that was hung in the air.

The music pierces him. These are all songs he has heard innumerable times. But they feel different than before. They feel strange. This new sensation is so alien. He thinks he has not felt this way before. Or has he? He might have. A long time ago. Yes. Vague memories of a magical age he longs to return to, rush up onto him now. Yes. Then. He had felt this way then. Once upon a time.

The colours now start to form pictures. Oddly discoloured photographs, parts around corners missing as if razed by a flame, fill up the main part of his vision now. Some remnants of the swirling colours still dance on the periphery. They do not leave. Their time to leave is not yet. Their job is not done.

The photographs are of him. Memories of things he knows there are no photographs of. Yet there he is. In a still frame in front of him. The pictures move by. They do not listen when he calls after them not to leave. As soon as he does this, they are replaced. A new memory, a new picture, a new reminiscence. He is confused. So he does the only sensible thing he can do. He watches, and he smiles.

His senses are alight. No, that would be an understatement. They are ablaze. They burn with the fury of a thousand suns (Yes, that's better). But then suddenly...
There is a disturbance in the force.

By Bareesh
Title credit: Pink Floyd

If ad makers went to the dogs

Some say ad makers have already done that, gone to the dogs. But we mean literally. With the market swamped with products, it's getting difficult to stand out from the crowd. People are already buying stuff because spending more than you earn is a sign of success. So what to do next to keep their jobs? Some brilliant idiot one day came up with the idea that they should now consider animals as their target consumers and start making ads for their benefit and awareness. Some rich fool gave the nod to the idea because he was too bored to listen and, in the weird laws of mimicry, everyone took up the challenge. And this is what they came up with.

Product: L'iono Excellence Ram
Tag line: Because the king is worth it

The lion is the primeval alpha male. He gets all the girls. But then a new nerdy but chunkily athletic lion arrives and hunts down a deer. It then looks at the camera and flicks its head back, in slow-motion, to show off its wonderfully silky mane. The lioness swoons and the other animals stare with obvious wonder. The jungle has a new king. Because the lion was worth it. Why is 'RAM' in the tagline? Because we want to appeal to other demographics as well. Rams are the lions of the herbivorous world. And they all dance in the ad.

Product: Onek-Lomba-Plan
Tag line: Makes you taller, taller and, well, taller

We see a bunch of giraffes doing what they do best - getting leaves from tall trees, playing basketball and being tall in general. And then a loner giraffe comes up who can't reach the leaves or slam dunk because he is too short. He is mocked. They always ask him how the air is down there near the tree tops. His mother gives him Onek-Lomba-Plan and the next shot shows the giraffe getting leaves from the highest trees and being the Jordan of the giraffe world. And then he dances.

Product: Feather and Dovely
Tag line: Be a white dove in just seven days

The doves are doing a wonderful job being promoters of peace and what not. But this budding young dove, who has radical ideas for world peace, is not allowed to voice her thoughts - because she isn't actually a white dove. Some say she is a crow. Others say she is an ugly duckling. Either way, you can in no way be a promoter of peace without being white no, sir. So she mopes about and then at last tries Feather and Dovely which turns her fair in just eight days. And world peace is attained at last. And everyone dances.

Product: Hatchet
Tag line: Very, Very Stinky

A very nerdy looking pig wakes up in the sty. For those with a mediocre imagination, a nerdy pig is just a pig with round glasses and a purple sweater and is always playing online games. He uses a spray can of Hatchet and starts snorting about the sty. Female pigs start falling all over him; most of them scantily clad pigs at that - which is weird because that is actually making them more modest than the rest. Then they dance like Katrina Kaif.

(insert any product name)
Tag line: Buy now, you need it

Suddenly with deafening music, a bunch of peacocks appear on screen and start dancing like there's no tomorrow. The routine continues for three minutes and then a pop up shows the name of the product. Which does not actually help you sing. Or dance. We don't even know what the product is about. So dancing peacocks? Because advertising mantra number 2, when in doubt, dance. That's what makes this ad so brilliant. Because of the dancing peacocks.

By The Mad Monkey

Wormholes of thought

Life's full of things that we can't do. And apparently, we can't fold a piece of paper more than seven times. We tried it at the office with an A4. No go. Speaking of human abilities, the Jumbo Jet's wingspans are longer than the Wright Brothers' first flight. Human civilisation moves along crooked paths; conquering the skies and defeated by paper.

Kids love Mickey Mouse. Big ears, endearing personality, who wouldn't like him? Well, Walt Disney for one. He had a fear of mice. That's what we call iRonny-cal.

Living healthy is imperative for a long and happy life - like, duh! For those early morning classes, skip the coffee and go for apples instead. They do a much better job of waking people up. Also, you burn more calories sleeping than you do watching TV. So being a couch potato is bad either way.

Incidentally, the first ever owner of Marlboro company died of lung cancer. Another case of iRonny. Stay away from the smoke, folks.

Happening this week:
Untitled-1: A street exhibition
What: Artists from all over have sent in their artworks to be displayed on the roadside; also featuring live music, food and a cool activity called 'light graffiti'.
When: Friday, 24th February 2012; 11AM onwards
Where: University of Asia Pacific, 4/A Dhanmondi.
Why you should go: It'll be a fun place to hang out, meet new people, and you don't want to miss 'light graffiti'! Remember to check it out!
More details available at: http://www.facebook.com/events/324845034219481/



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