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A rubbish movie that is worth watching

By Dr Who

Seeing all the new environment friendly vampires on TV, some people were yearning for a decent vampire movie. Unfortunately, this movie isn't it. The movie has little to no resemblance with the comic it was adapted from, changing plotlines entirely. It has been widely slammed by critics [both online and real] and has done horrible at the box office. Why talk about it? Because the movie was great.

Priest is set in an alternate reality post-apocalyptic world where vampires and humans have been warring since the dawn of time. The fight was going badly for the humans, when a religious organisation, known as the Church, stepped in. They created an order of warriors with people possessing special abilities. Simply called Priests, these warriors changed the tide of the war. The vampires were defeated and the Priests were disbanded.

Now, the niece of a Priest has been abducted in a vampire attack. He leaves against the orders of the Church, who refused to reinstate his authority, and goes to hunt down the vampires with a wasteland Sheriff at his side.

The movie has its faults. The story is obvious and derivative; the villain is introduced roughly 20 minutes into the movie; the movie jumps from a dystopian world to a Wild West train robbery, etc. There are some things that fail to make sense, such as Priests not using firearms, yet being surprisingly good at shooting. There is some wholesale bashing of the authority figure, i.e. the Church [automated confessionals, I ask you?]. But if you can get past those things, the movie is pure entertainment.

The action is smooth and the CGI is not overdone. Although the movie was released in 3D, they didn't go insane on it. The soundtrack by Christopher Young fits the movie like a glove. But what really sets the movie apart is Paul Bettany. He is pitch-perfect in a movie that would've probably gone down the drain completely with a lesser man in the lead. Maggie Q as a Priestess does a very decent job. There are also references to famous vampire stories for those who can pick them: Salem Bar, a town called Jericho and the abducted niece is called Lucy.

It's a good popcorn flick running 87 minutes and there is a possibility of a sequel. Well, there was, before the movie tanked. Now things are murky.

Would I watch the sequel if it ever managed to get made? Hell yes.

If you like this you'll also like:
Van Helsing (2004):
Chances are you've already seen it, seeing as it did much better than Priest in the Box Office. Similar popcorn flick.

The Searchers (1956): Credited as one of the inspirations for this movie, The Searchers is a classic Western, starring John Wayne and features similar themes. While Paul Bettany fights vampires, Wayne fights Comanche Indians. There is a similar romantic undercurrent and implications in both movies. Incidentally, this movie was also called somewhat disappointing before it made the cut for AFI's 100 Greatest Movies and is cited in almost any list of good Western movies.


Ratings: Graphics 8/10 Sound 8/10 Gameplay 6/10 Fun 10/10


By Shaer Reaz

Think of the most violent and sadistic game you can find. Think along the lines of GTA, Saints Row, etc. Now multiply by 6. Add 20. Square it. Add some more sadism. Congratulations, you've arrived. Postal 3, ladies and gentlemen. Or mostly gentlemen. Ok. Men. Period.

Following in the steps of Postal and Postal 2 is a game that has no boundaries in terms of the gross things you can do and what you can use to do those gross things. Weapons in this third person “shooter” (hah, if this is a proper shooter, Call of Duty is a football game) include AIDS-infected cats, a badger strapped to your arm, beehives, a leaf blower, various assortments of guns/grenades/projectiles, and your pee. Yes, your pee. You can pee on people in this game. I don't know why. But you can.

The “story” follows the Postal Dude and the trail of destruction he leaves behind everywhere he and his manic dog goes. After surviving zombies, runaway circus elephants, a nuclear blast and Al Qaeda in Postal 2, the Postal Dude arrives at the town of Catharsis, after his car runs out of gas. Due to the horrible state of the economy, gas prices are insane, and the Dude has no way to pay for his gas, because he has no job.

The whole game has the Dude doing random jobs for people, and he doesn't get paid a cent. If this was a serious game, I'd complain about how this is a lame excuse to make you progress in the storyline. Since there are absolutely no illusions harboured by the developers, you shouldn't have any either. It's just too much fun to be fussing about on the storyline.

On your way to getting some cash to buy gas, you will meet Al Qaeda again, along with eco-mentalist environmental terrorists, corrupt politicians leading double lives, corporate scumbags, Sarah Palin leading a band of ruthless soccer moms, cats, mad monkeys, Kleenex covered floors, toilets, rats, etc. You get the picture. This is like the worst (dirtiest, more like) episode of South Park combined with the worst episode of Family Guy, and turned into a game like GTA with double the carnage.

The first two postal games were first person shooters. The 3rd, god knows why, is in third person view. It doesn't work really well, with irritating camera angles, horrible weapon aim, and melee attacks that do absolutely no damage because you are doing the right thing and pointing straight at your target, which is unacceptable. Running With Scissors has so far been brilliant with its previous games, so this feels like a bit of a let-down. Even the Postal Dude will comment on how bad the game physics are and how GTA is much better.

That's how ridiculous this game is. The lead character ridicules the game. He talks about how the previous cut-scene shown to you sucked. And how convenient it is for the player that his jacket can hold 40 infected cats, along with a machine gun, M16 assault rifle, a badger, a giant leaf blower, beehives, etc. There is no limit to the idiocy in this game. Which makes you love it.

Do not play this game unless you want some light emotional and mental scarring. Play if you already have some scarring and care for some more. No one below 16 please.

In the mainstream, beatboxing has never been credited as an individual talent, but rather as 'one of the elements' in genres such as hip-hop. It is worth stating that there is a niche for this and it is packed full of awesome and crazily talented people. One such beatboxer who has become a cult-icon on the internet and YouTube is Dokaka, a Japanese beatboxer. What makes him so different? Well, for one, he does acapella, i.e. he beatboxes whole songs by multi-tracking his own voice. That means he first beatboxes the bass lines, then the drums and guitars and vocals all in sync with each other. The result? A whacky rendition of all your favourite songs. Through beatboxing.

Dokaka's rise to online fame coincided with him covering songs such as Smells like Teen Spirit by Nirvana and Angel of Death by the thrash metal band Slayer. While the covers themselves sound hilarious, it also shows off his remarkably skilful and precise voice. Covering Slayer on instruments is no mean feat, let alone using just your voice. To top it all off, he also has covers of the Super Mario theme and Dance Dance Dance, though we don't recommend you dance to it as it may result in quite a few broken bones.

His online popularity subsequently resulted in him earning a record deal and his first album "Human Interface" contains 88 insane multi-tracked songs, of which many are original productions. Though his covers can hardly be termed as parodies, they are just as funny - minus the crude lyrics that usually accompanies a parody. Over a 100,000 views on most of his YouTube covers are testament to that.

So, if you're looking for a good laugh and can stomach such eccentric covers of your favourite songs then checkout YouTube for Dokaka, the human beatbox/voicebox phenomenon. Alternatively, if you are a serious fan of beatboxing or an aspiring beatboxer, check out his website www.dokaka.com or get a hold of his album, which is now available outside of Japan too. All in all, it is good fun and you're bound to get a few laughs out of it.


By Orin

So you have seen 500 Days of Summer. No matter how much you dislike Summer for being selfish, if you are a guy chances are you fell in love with Zooey Deschanel. Her big doe eyes and quirkiness got you hooked. We understand. We are judging a little bit, but we understand. So the networks thought about banking on the people like you, and came up with New Girl, a whole show about how much quirkiness you can stuff in a character.

Jess (Deschanel) is a music teacher who recently dumped her boyfriend and while desperately looking for a place in Craig's List, found an apartment with three guys with quite distinctive personalities, Nick, Winston and Schmidt. Nick is the sensitive one who just got out of a relationship, Winston who is a big time basketball player struggling to find his place and Schmidt, a more annoying rather crazy version of Barney who does not get girls. While the guys are reluctant to rent her the apartment at first, they only agree to do so after learning that her best friend Cece is a model, and having a model around couldn't possibly hurt. As Jess tries to survive the break-up with numerous re-runs of Dirty Dancing, she gradually realises the value of her new friends in her life. That's how the story goes.

Good things would be the acting, which is above average, verging on very good quite often. The script is mostly funny and clever, so that is also a positive. What stinks in the show? Unfortunately quite a few things: firstly it has to be the creators overplaying the adorable, quirky card. Deschanel's character breaks out into songs in random places and it takes her three flat mates to treat her like a pharaoh to get over her break-up. Call us crazy, but that is overkill. The show is also a bit predictable, because the audiences will clearly be able to see the potential romantic interest(s) right from the beginning. Maybe that is their strategy, we are not too sure.

Overall, we advise you to watch a few episodes of New Girl; maybe you would start liking it after a couple of episodes. Not the best comedy of 2011, but does get better with time.


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