My two and half year old nephew walks around singing his current favorite song, "Kolababy, kolababy, kolababy di." Yep, he's walking around eating a banana. The actual song isn't very good, but the media has made sure it reaches everyone, everywhere. I am pretty sure even my dog barks in the same tune but she's tone deaf. So it would seem that these days nothing remains hidden, people will have seen EVERYTHING. That would make our magazine pointless. Luckily, the world still has so much left to be discovered. Like tribes that are still untouched by our jaded society, by our barrage of Kolaveri Di. Yes, we still have job of informing and entertaining you.
-- Ehsanur Raza Ronny, RS Editor
How to Win an Argument Online
By That Guy
Arguments online and arguments in real life are surprisingly different. In real life, somebody or the other (including the participants of the argument) will get tired of the asinine bickering and put an end to it. Online, the world is your oyster, and you can quarrel to your heart's content about how this oyster should be prepared. We at RS care deeply for your dignity, which would happen to be shattered if you lost aforementioned fight. So we give you tips (which all non-noobs already know) to get an upper hand over your opponent(s).
UNLEASH THE CAPS LOCK
Caps lock is the internet equivalent of screaming like a post-thrash screamo progressive dark death metalcore band. It helps if you can swear and utter threats like one too. Caps lock is hardcore stuff. It is capable of sending the fear of god into your opponent. Or at least make them think twice about crossing you. Two things can happen from raising your voice like this. One is that they match your rise in volume and you are left searching for another way to get to your victory. The other is that they back off and run shrieking (read: logging out) and take a vow to never get into an argument with a tough-guy like you again.
Sarcasm can be used both ways
Sarcasm can be hard to understand sometimes. Which means you could be sarcastic and people could think you were actually stupid. But then you might be stupid, and people think you're sarcastic. In short, this point is totally useless.
I could go on and on about this, because in truth, none of these will work particularly well. The best option is to insult and defile all he loves and holds dear. Nothing should be spared. This includes their mother, their gods, koala bears, unicorns, their skills on online multiplayer games, their (lousy) musical taste and their knowledge of Shakespeare. Now go get 'em, tiger.
We are not responsible for any pwnage that might occur towards you, leaving you a scarred and pathetic shell who can't even win online.
Release your inner grammar nazi
Nothing pisses people off like having their grammar corrected. Correcting other's grammar gives off a sense of obnoxious superiority complex, and the more pissed people get, the crappier their arguments will become. Logic becomes hard to grasp when one is blinded by anger. If people say “kay”, tell them it's not “okay” to spell like an idiot. And at the first sight of an acronym, do the grammatical equivalent of invading Poland. They say “ur way of crackin eggz iz rong.” Counter argument “It's not ur, its your, not crackin but cracking and iz is definitely not rong. It's wrong.” Case closed.
Also, when you know you have lost, apply this. It can, at times, if used properly, bring you back into it.
Bring all your friends
This works better if your friends are some of “those” people with more than one account. 'Cause, you know, then it looks like random people are throwing their support behind your righteous cause. But it doesn't really matter. The whole point of this is to outnumber your opponent, leaving him/her insecure and cornered. And if you don't have any friends, then just go through different accounts and do this yourself. But then again, if you're THAT forever alone, you'll probably just be overjoyed with what is possibly the first human interaction you've had in months.
Doctors and Hot Dogs
Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs is literally famous in America as one of the best hot dog companies. But when it began, it had a weird affiliation with doctors, or so it seemed. Nathan Handwerker started his own hot dog stand in Coney Island in 1916, using an all-beef recipe developed by his wife, Ida. His hot dogs were cheap, only 5 cents. So obviously, know-it-alls and the general populace alike thought it was horse meat or other such questionable flesh. Undaunted, Nathan devised a solution. He hired people to stand and eat in front of his place wearing lab coats and stethoscopes. He then posted a sign that said, "If doctors eat our hot dogs, you know they're good!"
And from that, a hot dog empire was born. Bottom line: get hold of a lab coat and stethoscope, stand near the Korean pancake sellers and advertise. Make a nifty profit. Possibly get free afternoon snack.
Take some time to rant. Feel better? Go to our Facebook page for more. Link below.
Tahmid F Kabir
Why is there a Chinese dragon in the Pohela Boishakh artwork? Lol. So, it's true. The Chinese are taking over the world soon. Should I be happy that everything's going to be cheap?
Er… yeah. Low prices make everybody happy. Imagine having a two pound cheesecake for 100 taka. By the way, for the other, more serious readers, we spotted the dragon beforehand, but the picture was nice anyway. So we went with it.
Apparently, our readers love the gamchha.
The gamchha Article and the one about the girl on the BRTC bus were awesome.
The awkward moment when Life throws a "gamcha" at you.
Mastura Tasnim awesome moment*
Then there were some starving people:
Ñüzhått ZèhäÑn Ävéìrø
Read the life lesson #7 and realised something; I often eat stuff in the chemistry lab.
Ate sulphur, litmus paper, iron, potassium "something", etc. Nothing happened.
Muhtasim Shams Dibbo HCl tastes spicy btw
It pains us to see you hunger so. Come to the RS office and we'll treat you to illegally acquired cake. Maybe. - RS
Thanks for the review on Wrestlemania, Osama! Finally! I hate it when people say that pro-wrestling is just for kids and not for adults. I get picked on for watching wrestling by my friends. At least after Rising Stars printed that review, my friends saw it and they've toned it down.
Isha Nafisa Quazi
I was able to bring back RS home from school in one piece. THIS is victory for me.
Must be one hell of a school. - RS
Dipika J Subah
The Beta Writers article this week was kind of cute!
Was it the monkeys? We have a few in the office. - RS
Is it me or are there a bit more typos than usual in the comments “and &” feedback section?
There. Your comment. With the typo in quotes. Grammar nazi! - RS
Can't read RS because of my ''eggjams''!