Ice cream is a new bribe. And we approve. A reader came to visit us recently. He had a complaint but more interestingly for us, he had a box of ice cream in his hand. Complaints are easy to deal with but ice cream division, not so much. It took several spoons, desperate lunges and
proclamations of authority for an eventual unfair division to take place. Imagine a world where people bribe but always with food. Oh wait, there's no need to imagine. Planet RS.
-- Ehsanur Raza Ronny, RS Editor
Fixed price ...or not
We Bangladeshis really are the Aryan race when it comes to haggling. While this concept may not be a ‘fad’, it is definitely an art form you see best on the streets of Dhaka. Starting from clothes to rickshaw fare, it’s almost a reflex action for us to bargain. The actual money involved seems secondary to the pride of winning one of these duels. There are, however, many noobs out on the streets (including yours truly) who have difficulty in understanding the intricacies of this method. So today we look at a few choice moves that have been recommended by seasoned hagglers like the RS dog and a few CNG dudes.
This move is integral at the beginning of any haggling session. Ask the seller the price and upon hearing the answer glare at him for such a blasphemous remark and then snort with derision. This takes away the seller’s self-belief and also creates amusing pig-like sounds.
A simple rule of thumb for you: whatever the price, divide it by four and you have a counter-offer. Usually sets up a nice base upon which you can build the foundation of your haggling. That said, its success rate is not very high, unless you count our government while purchasing electricity (but in the exact opposite direction). Then it’s very high.
In the middle of haggling, suddenly turn and run out of the store like your life depended on it. Chances are you’ll be called back. If not, wander back in and pretend like you had to take a phone call. Works like a charm.
The double team
Works when you have a partner in crime. Do the old good-cop, bad-cop routine. Pretend like you want the item bad, but your friend is the one with the cash. The enemy ends up sympathising and effectively lowers the price seeing your sad puppy dog face.
The ‘meh’ face
Pretend not to be too impressed by the item you want, but ask the price in a casual manner. Then observe with a critical eye and mumble words like ‘out of date’ or ‘too pink’. The price rockets downwards. Sometimes.
It should be noted that these moves take years to perfect with your game face on and we don’t accept liability if/when you fail spectacularly. On the off chance you do succeed, we will gratefully accept 50% of the amount saved. Now go out on the streets and win some respect.
The Speed Do or die.
By Jawad and Ero Senin
Genre: rom-com, action, drama, horror, musical, acrobatics, family.
Under the blistering rays of the mid-day sun, two dateless, workless, hapless dudes simultaneously had an epiphany as they were walking near Segunbagicha. They contemplated where they can get quality entertainment in air-conditioned environment and the city-renowned Cineplex came to their minds. So they went there, enjoyed relatively cooler air, debated on some eye-candies and at last went into the theatre to watch the magnificence that is The Speed (Do or die), a movie starred, financed and produced by Mr. Anonto (of Khoj: The Search fame) and Sohanur Rahman Sohan (director).
Anonto plays Anonyo, a big shot businessman and the movie also features Dighi (playing her usual child-actress with too much makeup), Parveen (Bangladeshi film actress who is relatively attractive), villain Kibria played by Alamgir, former nayok, who sniffs at his unlit cigarette throughout the movie.
Hoping life gets better, the two intrepid reporters took their seats in front of a pair of extremely loud girls.
*A few hours later*
ES: “Innocence is LOST.”
J: “This is PG.”
ES: “Bristy's just a KID.”
J: “She talks in INNUENDOES.”
They got out; bought one cup of coke (because those are too expensive) and tried to share it. One of your reporters spat into the drink and made it undrinkable for his collaborator.
J: “Why did Anonyo take his niece to Mirpur after she was shot in Cox's Bazaar?”
ES: *sips coke* “Why doesn't he wear orna?”
J: “How do 5 of his hairs remain standing all the time?”
ES: *sips coke* “...The two girls behind us were too loud.”
While the reporters were intent on writing a review of the movie, two other sections of the Daily Star beat us to the punch. So we'll just share our understanding and thoughts of the movie.
Lessons learnt from the film:
God helps honest men get filthy rich and break open gas chambers.
Heroes are not always invincible; because even Anonyo, on a level rivalling Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee and all Olympic gymnasts, gets shot (two times).
Bosom is a man's armour too.
When oxygen decreases, carbon dioxide increases.
You can catch a grenade and throw it back to kill the one who originally threw it. But only if you are the hero. Or Bruno Mars.
Eye-contaak means retina scan.
When your wife is kidnapped, it is legal to enjoy some platonic friendship with a hot Russian girl (Christina, played by Nana).
You will also like:
The Artist, Dr. No, Rambo, Taken, Rocky, Batman Begins, Iron Man, all of which have similarities with this movie; Khoj: the Search and Heart Breaking Blow for more of Anonto Jalil.
“Nitibanra durnitibajder challenge kore na, threat kore.” -Anonyo
“Kisteeeenaaaa.” Anonyo, calling Christina.
“Amar moto souvaggoban meye ar koyta ache je biyer agei maa hote pare.”- Sondhya, talking about getting Bristy as her daughter.
Anonyo can perform a mean drift and he owns more than 5 cars (one of which is a BMW and Mercedes at the same time).
Should be recommended for:
The Academy Awards for the Best Actor, Best Screenplay, Best Music and the Greatest Special-Effects.
We accept love, hate, stalkers and gunshots through our contact links below. Cake we accept in person.
This one is for Farhin Ahmed Mim. I don't want to be the bad guy or something but I am just writing it anyways. I do agree that we should respect our teachers. I am not ridiculing you or your school or anything but in my school (and most other schools) no one actually wears "1960 Hawaiian shirts" or neither do they say "shoshal". Neither do they put makeup like a wannabe lady gaga.
Ahmad Ibrahim - I know a teacher who a wears Hawaiian shirts AND puts on Gaga-esque make-up. He's also crazy smart and an awesome teacher. Appearances count for little.
Farhin Ahmed Mim - Hence my article! And Karuna Rahman, my school has nothing to do with the contents of my article. You get what I wanted to say ergo my purpose is served. I respect your opinion.
Arif Khan Nabil
Job well done by Numaya and tóuche to The Cliche article.
Dude. Touché to the Cliché? That was horrible! We like. - RS
Really loved the article “Behind Bars”. And yes, good to know that you are also being concerned about HAARP and letting others know. So what's next?
Next. Adv. On the first or soonest occasion after the present; immediately afterward. It can also be an adjective, a noun and a preposition. For full list, Google. - RS
OMG! First time on RS. Say something smart, say something smart...............potato.
Awesome! - RS
Look at you, all grown up. Talking about paying attention on road, respecting teachers and talking about the "Lovezzz"!
“It's a trick. A shadow on the wall.” But thank you. - RS
Hindi serials kill?!
Yes. Without an ounce of skill though, considering their numerous failures. - RS
Madiha Athar Khan
I love how RS issues aren't amazing all the time. It makes you enjoy the good ones more.
Without ups and downs, life is a boring rollercoaster. - RS